Friday, July 31, 2009

Serious advancements in potty training....

I have not updated Skyler's potty training status in a while because nothing has been happening. TODAY we had some serious potty training advancements. I was laying on the couch after submitting resume after resume on craigslist(gotta love all those job postings on craigslist), when Skyler came up to me and said "I have to go bathroom." Boy you have never seen a big lady get up so fast. I couldn't believe my ears. He actually asked ME to take him to the bathroom instead of me fighting him to go time after time. I was shocked again when he repeated this wonderful behavior through the evening. I think we are making progress. Its about time for sure....because I was getting quite discouraged. GO SKY!!!!

Did I ever tell you what I almost names Skyler? I was really hooked on Luke Skyler for a long time...but after many people telling me that it was to close to Luke Skywalker...I opted out. LOL I guess it wouldn't be so bad to be named after a really cool movie character right?

The kids come home tomorrow. I was able to talk to there dad on the phone for exactly six minutes about it. He is not and has never been very personable. I should be thankful for the six minutes I got out of him. His computer games usually take precedence over everything. But I did get the information I wanted out of him and I will see my kiddos tomorrow.

And I leave you now with some nifty pictures that I took at the movie theater yesterday. Yes I did get some weird looks from people, who I am sure were wondering why the crazy lady was photographing the theater...but who cares. I had fun.

The movie was called "my sisters keeper." It was such a tear jerker. I'm glad I brought Kleenex.



Thursday, July 30, 2009

Today!!

I am home for just a few minutes so I thought I would blog...because I'm just in a bloggy mood and I feel like i have so many wonderful friends out there. :)

So I had today all planned out and me and Sky got up and got ready and headed out the door. We had many three year old conversations on the way. Skyler has a new word.....its "WHY." Why mom, why? LOL He asks why for everything and even if you answer him he asks why again. Its so annoying....LOL I mean CUTE!!! No but really it can get tiresome so the cure for the constant whys is to turn the question around on him and when he asks why you just ask him a question in return and the why's stop....well for a while anyway. LOL

So I went to drop Sky off at daycare and we were about to walk in and my tennis shoe slipped on the wet cement and DOWN FLAT I went. Yes, someone was watching with a very concerned look on there face and my son said to me "mom, you fell." And then I thought "thanks son for pointing out the obvious." It was crazy weird, but I was OK and walked away with some of my dignity and a few scratches on my leg.

I went to a meeting this morning at church. It is for a ministry called "Crossroads." Many of you have asked me how the interview at Farmers went. Well, it wasn't really an interview it turns out but more just a connection. Mark (was his name) turned out to be a wonderful man of God and is going to give me lots of leads on jobs and he will pass on my resume. YIPPEE!!! Also, he gave me a connection to a lady named Kay who heads up this Crossroad ministry. I have long wanted to teach my kids how to have a servants heart...and what better way to do that then to volunteer at Nursing homes? So, at the meeting I got everything I needed and we will be (as a family) giving our time to those who don't have loved ones. I am so excited because I learned that the elderly women like there nails painted. The girls love doing that so we will put together a really cool collection of nail polishes and take them to the homes and let the girls go wild. How cool is that?

I'm so excited to see what God has in store for my family. I can see some of the pieces falling together and I just want to flow with it.

SIDE NOTE************
You all are wonderful. I have had lots of people ask me for my address so they can help with school supplies and fun things for the kids. I want you to know that your comments and friendships are priceless to me and you need not to do any more then that...but I know that some of you have BEGGED me to set up a PO box so you could send stuff. I don't have a PO Box but I will give you my address if you are to email me privately. lovmykids333@yahoo.com Again, your friendship is so precious to me and I thank you all for it. I hope I can do the same for all of you.

And now, I am off to see a movie. I am looking forward to it. Thanks for encouraging me to go. Time for some fun ME time.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Should I or should I not?

I feel like I have been running running running the past few weeks. I cant get my mind to settle down. I can hardly sleep and don't seem to be making much time to eat. By the time I feel like eating its to late and I am so hungry I feel sick. I just feel uneasy. Sitting down for any period of time wether to watch a movie or a TV show has always been hard for me anyway, because I always have to be busy but now that I am job hunting its even worse. I feel worn out.

If I had kept count of all the applications and resumes I have been submitting I am sure it would range up there near forty or fifty. Seriously, at what point does a person stop and wait? Should I give it a week? I just cant. I'm surprised my computer hasn't gone up in smoke by now from all the Internet searches and typing I have done. (sigh) I'm worn out.

Yet, I cant and wont stop looking....it feels foolish to stop and wait, and it doesn't match who I am. I'm a fighter and by golly I will make someone notice me if it takes marching in to the offices and slapping my resume ON their desks every week.

So, Ive been thinking about tomorrow. There is no significance to tomorrow except that it is Thursday and it again represents more internet searches and typing and calling. So even though I will still do those things, I was thinking of having a "mini me" day and spending five bucks and going to the afternoon movie. Saturday the kids come home and I wont get this chance again for a long time...so should I do it or should I not? The five bucks to get into the movie is what gets me...is it foolish? I mean, after all I don't have a job and going to the movies is a luxury. Still, I feel like I deserve a little bit of me time right?

OK enough of that...I have to mention this sweet peice of kindness that Rebekah and Ben sent to me. They caught me completely by surprise and sent me a HUGE box yesterday full of school supplies. Not only school supplies but also a 50 dollar gift card to Walmart to complete our school supply list. Many things ran through my mind when I opened the box....the first one was that these wonderful people have sacrificed so much financially to get a baby. I know that it was such a burden to come up with all the money required, and even though it all worked out I cant imagine how it has put a hole on them financially, yet they go and spend all this money again on me and my kids. How can I ever thank them for being so supportive. They owe me nothing yet they give me so much. Here is a picture of the inside of the box....everything that was picked out was so colorful and cheerfull looking...

The second thing that went through my head and probably it would seem odd to everyone else...but she sent the stuff in one of Ty's diaper boxes. I just kept thinking "his diapers were in there." LOL Now it makes me laugh but to me it was so sentimental and I am sure Rebekah didn't think that the box itself presented as a gift to me along with the school supplies but it did. Call me weird, but the box was cool.

I cant wait to show the kids the contents of the box....well I cant wait to see the kids. Saturday is coming. Thanks again Rebekah and Ben. (hugs from afar)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Six weeks!!

Baby Ty is six weeks old today. Can you believe that? Its been six weeks since I held him for the first time.... And kissed his toes.....

And felt his sweet hair brush against my cheek...

and I definitely remember looking down and only seeing this...Help me Jesus I was HUGE...LOL

Now I watch from afar...and so far...I have seen him smile...which made me cry my eyes out...

But you know what, its OK because baby Ty has this.......

I feel super good about it all. I do have my moments of sadness over what was lost, but I don't regret a thing. How can I? Everyone got the best of everything in the end...especially Ty. I love you baby boy.

Monday, July 27, 2009

I dont know what will come of this@@@@UPDATED!!@@@@

I have seriously been submitting application after application lately. I must have about 30 plus applications out there.

Today I got a phone call....my first phone call from a man named Mark. He said "Is this Rebekah?" I of course said yes. He then went on to tell me that he pulled my resume from monster.com and that I do not fit the profile of the job he needs to fill but there was just something about my resume that made him read it over and over again. WHAT? God was written all over his words. I was shocked. I asked him what company he worked for and he told me(its a very respectable insurance company). I didn't even submit an application to this company, they just pulled my app from monster. He went on to tell me that he has worked there for over twenty years and that they just threw about 300 applications at him and mine was one he couldn't put down.

You know...I always knew that God was taking care of me...but its moments like this that you feel like you are looking God right in the face and he is saying to you "I told you I would take care of you."

Me and Mark talked on the phone for thirty five minutes. We talked "off the record" about his faith and me about mine. He said that he felt the Holy Spirit was just guiding him and mine just stood out. I'm still shocked.

Like I said, I don't know if anything will come of this. He was very honest with me telling me twice that I do not fit the profile and that he will do the interview and then I am sent off to other people as well, but I have my first job interview tomorrow and I'm so grateful even to be considered for the position.

Here are the things I am worried about. I looked up the job and it is posted for full time and part time, so that is good, but if he offers me a full time position I am not sure I am prepared to accept it...but yet, I think I would be foolish not to. My concern is child care for the older three children. I DON'T want them to come home and be alone while I am at work. I would have to somehow make arrangements for them until I came home.

On the other hand, I don't know what I am worried about. Gods hand is literally in this situation, he has had his hand on my life since birth, and I am still beside myself on how well the adoption went and how it has blessed so many people lives...I feel like all I have to do is sit back and watch it unfold. This is amazing. I cant wait to see what God will do.

@@@@@@@@UPDATE@@@@@@@
I REALLY appreciate your comments. Your comments really got me to thinking. I went ahead and did a little research for myself. The company is Farmers insurance. I called the number that was left on my caller ID and it is for sure Farmers Corporate office. The man that called me is for sure on the employee list...but it goes down hill from there. I went to Monster.com and looked up all jobs concerning Farmers and did find the job posting. I am not all together sure how it all works but I am pretty sure that they are recruiting people to be sales agents for the company. I am also pretty sure (though not totally sure) that it is probably a commission paying job. This is not doable for me. So, tomorrow morning I will call this man and tell him how I feel about it and just confirm what I am thinking and probably will not go to the interview. Sheesh!! Am I a sucker or what?

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Something fun...

I am feeling kinda BLA today so I thought I would post something fun. I got this comment from Rebekah and I thought I would post some comparison pictures of a few of the kids. Here is what Rebekah said, "I was going through pictures I had printed of you and the kids (from months ago) and stopped at the one of Skyler on the couch (the one where he looks like a stuffed turkey!). Ty looks just like him!! And then when I was looking through your blog, today, I was taken aback at Victoria's picture! I called Ben over and said, "Look at this picture of Victoria." He said, "Oh, my gosh. That's totally Ty!" We couldn't believe the similarities. Ben finished with, "Well one thing's for sure. She makes beautiful babies!!!!""


This one is of sweet baby Skyler.

This is sweet little Ty. Do you see the similarities?

I also think that the boys look a lot like Victoria when she was little. Here is a picture of her at about a year old (same one I posted before but for comparison.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Make my life a prayer to you.....

A friend of mine dedicated a song to me today and it got me to thinking about things (thanks CC). I don't talk about my faith nearly enough and although I am not going to make this a spiritual session on what I believe...I do want to share one of my favorite songs from my all time favorite artist (not counting Elvis...I am forever his biggest fan).

His name is Keith Green. He has long passed and gone to be with the Lord (in a plane crash, so sad) but this song that he wrote is my life song. I used to listen to it over and over again when I was a teenager. I know many people looking in on my life might not see much of an example...but my heart is so there.

My favorite line in the song goes something like this (keeping in mind that the words are directly to God)...."I want to thank you now for being patient with me, Oh its so hard to see when my eyes are on me." This is a significant lyric to me because so many times in my life my eyes have only been on myself and when that happens I cant see much of what God has for me. But I truly love the line in the song that says "I wanna die and let you give your life to me so I might live, and share the hope you gave to me, I wanna share the love that set me free." Its so true, although I have been burdened down lately with bad choices, and although I have taken the hard road on many occasions(don't we all at times?)...I have been set free.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

FIrst day of day care through the eyes of a video!!

I decided to chronicle our day with a bit of video. Unfortunately I don't look very glamorous with my double chin but this IS my life....double chin or not. And by the way, I am working very hard at getting rid of the extra poundage....so its a work in progress.

OUR DAY***********************
Our day started like any other day at FIVE o'clock. Sheesh!! Anyway, I tried to get some breakfast down him and both of us showered. I also tried to get him to go pee on the pot but that was not going to happen this morning. We FINALLY got out the door and into the jeep.(sorry for chewing a piece of gum in this video, I don't know what I was thinking)
videoI really don't think Sky knew what was going on. Not to mention that Skyler has been extra crabby and fussy lately. I don't know what is going on but he is just EXTRA obstinate, so needless to say when we got to daycare he didn't even want to get out of the jeep. I finally did get him out and we went in. Once he saw his "friends" he was ready to play although I did have to sneak out while he wasn't watching.
So I went about my day filling out applications and feeling like my eyes were going to pop out of my head from staring at a computer screen for so long. I finally decided to go and pick him up around three o'clock, and allowed my little pekingese pup Maggie to tag along.
videoMy little boy did amazingly well at his "school" today. His teachers only complaint was that he would not lay down for nap time and he kept running out of the classroom. I had to laugh about that......that's my boy for sure. I am hopeful that he learns the boundaries and nap time soon becomes easier. Overall, I would call today a HUGE success.

So after a long hot day, we headed home. Skyler continued to show me his wonderful feisty personality by not eating dinner, so I gave him a nice bath and sent him to bed in hopes that sleep would cure his case of the fussies. He is currently sleeping peacefully on his favorite Spongebob pillow. Night night baby boy, mommy loves you.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Getting nervous!!

My older three kids come home in nine days. I have had such an eventful summer (to say the least) and now its time to get back to what I do best....single mommy hood. I am so nervous. I cant even begin to explain to you how scared I get when its time for the kids to come home. I remember when they were this little....

Chelsea with her curly hair and really big smiles....

Victoria with her porcelain doll face and her...ummmm....rare smiles. She didn't smile much at all and it took a lot to make her laugh. She was a very serious baby.

As you can see here...smiles were rare.

They were little. I remember thinking "I cant wait till they can feed and clothe and bathe themselves. Life will be easy when they can do those things by themselves."

They were giddy and happy and cute and cuddly.

And I remember all there first smiles.

But I was wrong. It didn't get easier. Now I find myself thinking "If they could just be little again." I would gladly change diapers and put all three little pumpkins in the bath at the same time, and chase them around the house...TRYING to get them to stay in bed. I would gladly go back to those days...because these days are harder. Now I find myself praying and asking for wisdom for situations that I have NO idea how to handle.
My thirteen year old is boy crazy and wants to french kiss all the boys she "goes out" with despite my warning to her that boyfriends are not allowed.
My eleven year old struggles with depression and I THINK I have got her past the point of cutting herself. The scars on her arms will be there forever, I cant erase them for her.
My nine year old struggles to fit in because of his lack of self control and constant need to move move move.
My three year old clearly has the "baby of the family" syndrome and I am unsure how to break a lot of his bad habits.
ALL the children are in desperate need of a father that actually takes part in their lives. I am not trying to focus on the negative...I could make you a list a mile long of all the wonderful things about them...but the thing is in nine days it all starts over. They will be home and these are things I have to face on a daily basis. Its an hourly struggle to decide what and what not to do for them or how or how not to handle a situation.

So I have nine days. Nine days to prep myself for the battles ahead...hopefully we will come out in the end triumphant and I can look back and say "we did good." But for today, I am brought to tears just thinking about the days ahead.

I have to say this in ending.....I am so richly blessed to have all of my kids. I am brought to my knees with emotion to know that God has entrusted me with these precious little lives, and I take my job as there mother very serious. Maybe I am so nervous about it all because I do take it so seriously. I don't want to screw it up for them. I am leaning on God for it all. He is my rock. I would certainly sink if it were not for HIM.

************************************
A quick side note. I have been asked this many times. In my profile it talks about how I have six children. I did miscarry my fifth child at six weeks. Wow! Do I qualify as the lady from that nursery rhyme "There was an old lady who lived in a shoe, she had so many kids she didn't know what to do." LOL

************************************
UPDATE!!
Skyler will officially start day care tomorrow. I am seriously crying my eyes out. My baby is going to be cared for by someone else. Help me Jesus!!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Some questions answered.

I had a wonderful day today. I spent the day with my best friend and her husband. We did some work around her house, (why is it more fun to organize someone else's house rather then your own?) and then they treated me to a wonderful evening of dinner and a movie. I had SOOO much fun. I have to give a shout out to my mom as well because I would not have had as good of a time if she had not watched Skyler for me. I had a wonderful "kidless" evening with my wonderful friends.

I also have been getting a few questions and I am not sure the best way to answer them because I cant very well respond to the comments....so...I thought I would answer them here. There are only a few.

When do my kids start school?

I am pretty sure they start the second week in August. I have to get the exact date though. :)

Love love love the new header. How did you do that?

I have wanted a photo editing program for awhile but have not been able to afford to buy one so I did some research online for something free and found this site http://picasa.google.com/. Its a free photo editing download. Its very simple and doesnt do a whole lot but its free and does a little of what I want...including my cool new header. Thanks for the compliments on it everyone.

How much weight have u lost? Is your blood pressure getting better?

I have still only lost 33 pounds. My weight loss has come to a stand still, but I am working on changing that. Weight loss is really a mental thing and I am trying to prepare myself mentally for the long journey of weight loss that I have. And yes, my blood pressure is getting better and I hope to be off my medication in a month or so. YIPPEE!!!

Did your other kids have such abundant dark hair?

Yes, my kids seem to always be born with that wonderful dark and abundant hair. Unfortunately, they seem to loose all that cute baby hair, but it is soon replaced with really thick and just as beautiful hair.

Im just curious how your family felt and dealt with the adoption...were they supportive??

ALL my family was supportive and on board with me. I couldnt believe the support and love they showed me. I am forever grateful to all of them.

Also...how did your kids cope with the idea and the adoption? Especially the older daughter.....???? She seems very close to the little brother so wondering if she was upset about you giving Ty away?

My kids did not cope well with the adoption. They did not understand why I was giving away their brother. They thought Skyler was next. It was so sad. Chelsea(the oldest) still is having a hard time. She is very distant from it but I know in her heart she does care and I think it helps a great deal that Rebekah and Ben took the time to come and meet my older kids. They really like R and B and I cant tell you how much easier it makes the whole process. Some day my children will understand better my decision...but for now...its hard for them to process.

I may have already commented on this, but I think your "new" haircut is awesome. Really looks great on you. In some pics it looks curly. Do you curl for that or straighten for the others?

Thanks!!I have naturally curly/frizzy hair. LOL I have to straighten it with a flat iron for those days that I want to look sheik (grin) and I have to crunch it with moose and gel for those days that I dont feel like straightening it.

I hope I got all the questions. Please, if anyone ever has a questions about anything don't hesitate to ask. I started this blog to help myself, but now I hope I can help others. I always feel so honored for people to care about me and take interest in my life and my children's lives. Thank you to everyone. You all mean so much to me.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Writers block and scattered thoughts!

I hardly know where to begin sometimes. I have a lot of thoughts that go through my head, but I don't know how to put them into words which makes for a very scattered post.

Physically, I'm doing much better. The doctor is slowly taking my blood pressure medication down and hopefully I will soon be off of it. I am not pumping anymore which was weird in itself. When your milk supply goes away its almost like grieving again over the loss. Its not normal for me to not be nursing. On One hand I couldn't imagine nursing a baby and keeping up with Skyler, but on the other hand...it can be sad. Although this may be to much information but I must add that I am still bleeding. The relevance of that information is that it is just a constant reminder of what I just went through.

Mentally I find that I do really well when I am busy busy busy...but then when I have alone time I tend to get really uneasy and don't know what to do with myself. I don't really have free time with Skyler running around all the time, but compared to my life with three kids added in...I'm pretty bored most of the time, and for me that leads to a bit of depression. I am doing my best to stay focused on my goals, and make use of my time. Idol time is not a good thing to have to much of.

Today was a wonderful day. I have to say that the best part of the day was checking the mail and finding a package from Rebekah. It contained a CD with some sweet pictures, a precious card (priceless) and a beautiful piece of paper with little Tyrus' hand prints on it. I just stopped and stared at his teeny tiny little hands. I didn't remember them being so small and I traced them with my finger and thanked God for him and for his very thoughtful momma for sending me such a wonderful gift.

Skyler had a great time today to. We went to visit an old friend. I actually used to watch their little girl for them (she is in the picture with Sky). I had not seen them since I was just a couple months pregnant so it was nice to catch up.



I am looking for a job. I have about eight applications out. I will start looking more furiously when I can get Skyler into daycare which will be (hopefully) within the next two weeks. I am trusting God for finances. I have enough money to last me MAYBE two months. I don't know what I will do when it runs out and if it wasn't for selling my car I wouldn't even have that. As it is I have to dig into the chunk of money I have to pay for school supplies and that may not seem like much but when you have to buy them for three kids its usually a bit over a hundred dollars. Can you believe that? Crazy!!!! I am leaning on the Lord as my provider...I know he will provide me a job at the right time and he will take care of us. I don't see how it will all work out, but I guess that's what faith is for.

Skyler had his doctors appointment today. He is a perfectly healthy and LARGE little three year old. I voiced all my concerns to her. She is not one big concerned with his eating or his delayed speech. He is speaking in three word sentences and the foods he is eating is providing him enough nutrition with his multivitamin included. He shows no signs of autism and is properly growing. My momma heart has been put at ease.

So, to finish up this long drawn out post, things are going good. Even though I seem to live in limbo most of the time, I know these things will work themselves out. I am in good spirits and I am very thankful for my blessed life. I don't have a lot of money, and I don't have a lot of expensive things, but I don't need them to be happy. Life is certainly what you make of it.

Next.......weight loss, I have over 100 pounds to loose and it is on my mind constantly on how I will tackle it. But that is for another post.....:)

Monday, July 13, 2009

Ty's first letter from his first mom.....

I just wrote Ty's first letter from me. I know I waited a little long to write it but I just was not sure what to say. I mean, I am not lacking for words, (Ive unfortunately never been) but so many questions run through my head. I thought things like "How old will he be when he reads this? Am I saying the right things and will they be the words he needs to hear?" I really could drive myself crazy thinking about it all.....so I gave all those worries up because nobody knows exactly how old he will be when he reads them...and really...he just needs to hear from me...so...I just wrote from my heart...sealed it up and will mail it tomorrow.I have lots to say about my older three kids...but tonight I will not go there except to say this...I have a teenager. I think those are all the words necessary for everyone to understand, oh and of course displaying my very serious mom face in the picture above, which is exactly what my teenager will be facing when she gets home. And for all who have asked, the three older kids will be home on August 1st.Tyrus...he is just as cute as a button. Check out this picture (above) that Rebekah sent me of him. I couldn't resist...I had to share it. And of course, these fun pictures of Skyler in the bathtub tonight. Last week I was at breakfast with Amy from the adoption agency and she said to me "I bet its easy for you with just one kid right?" I responded to her by saying "Oh yeah, its cake...its nothing!" Later that day I had to EAT my words in a text to her saying "I take it back." I have found that just having Skyler by himself is actually MORE work because he has nobody but me to play with...and Ill tell you...I am not a good play mate. LOL I love my son and think he is sweet as can be....but bed time is music to my ears lately.


Saturday, July 11, 2009

The blind women sees!!!!!

I had to post. Ive had a lot on my mind lately. Ive been doing a lot of reflecting...but I am careful not to do to much of it at one time because it takes me down a dark path of thinking "what if." For example what If I didn't marry my first husband? And what if I didn't marry my second husband? What if I didn't get pregnant with Ty? Sure my life would be easier. Maybe I would have taken life slower, made more informed decisions....but the truth is that I am really a "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of girl. I have no idea why. But what if those things had not happened? The only explanation is that I wouldn't have my wonderful kids and Ben and Rebekah wouldn't have Ty. You cant go back, you can only move forward and thank God for what you have. I keep telling myself those things and I am usually only in the "self pity" mode for a short time....and I am able to move on.

Rebekah called me today...twice. I wasn't home so I didn't know she called but when I did get home...and I saw that she had called, my heart did flip flops. It would be the first time I talked to her since they left. I also received Ty's birth announcement in the mail. I am so special to be able to get these wonderful trinkets of his life. Ill cherish it forever. Oh and I hear he is nine pounds now....he is growing fast and he has taken on a feisty personality.....hummmm....sounds like four other children I know. LOL

I ordered some new glasses the day Rebekah and Ben left for home. I was so glad to have a doctors appointment that day because it was such a much needed distraction for my broken heart. My prescription was so bad that I was getting headaches and just really struggling to see street signs and such. Well today I got the call that the glasses were in. After having a wonderful afternoon with my mom and sister I scooted down there and picked them up. The minute I put them on I felt a bit dizzy. I have been seeing a world of blur for a few years now. I cant BELIEVE what I was missing out on. Everything is so crisp and clean looking. I feel like I am six again and I am putting on my glasses for the first time. It does wonders for my sore eyes. These eyes have seen a lot in my life time...more then I would care to tell. Lately they have seen a lot of tears...but today....I see clarity in more ways then one.

Potty training has just about left me hopeless. I was thinking that it wouldn't take long to do this. After a whole week of...well you saw the video two blogs back...I am exhausted by it. I really do want to give up and just slap a diaper on my son. Someone suggested I just give it up for now and wait...but the problem is...he is not fitting very well in size six diapers...and Ill tell you... that's the biggest size they sell. I do not have a small child. So, thanks to you all's encouragement...I press on. (sigh)

These are HORRIBLE pictures...but I don't have anyone around to take photos of me, well Skyler would gladly volunteer that job but I don't think so, so this is all I could do. Its been so hot here so my hair is all tied back and I'm just so tired after a long day. So...here is me in all my beauty. LOL


The glasses above actually have a really pretty green around the edges but the picture doesn't show that. And can you believe I am even waring these silly things? Don't they remind you of the glasses we wore in the eighty's and nineties. I cant believe they are in style. The picture below is actually transition (whooooohhhh) lenses and are supposed to turn to sun glasses in the sun. I have yet to see that happen but if and when it does I will be in total amazement...its like magic to me. LOL I have not worn a pair of sunglasses in years. I feel spoiled.

Black and white...

I miss my older kids. I cant wait till they come home. I thought I would brag on them a little today with some photos.
Matthew
Victoria
Chelsea

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Potty training update...

I feel kinda funny making so many posts about potty training...but that is my life right now, and I have had a few people ask...so without further ado....here is how potty training is going...and needless to say...I'm exaustified with it....but holding strong. I have spent many hours sitting on a chair outside this little bathroom, talking to this little boy....
video

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Not me Monday....on Wednesday!!



Today I went to breakfast with Amy from the adoption agency. We ended up at Ihop and both enjoyed a veggie delight omelet on which my SON absolutely did NOT stack all the creamers on top of each other and then throw them all onto the floor. My son would not do something like that because I am most certainly the most perfect parent and have the MOST behaved children. Nope...not my son.

After our lovely breakfast I didn't want to go home to an empty house so I decided to take little "said" son to the mall for some play time. It was really fun to watch him play. There were not many children in the play area today but just enough for my liking and just enough for Skyler to have some fun....well maybe a little to much fun. I say that because my son most certainly did NOT have fun pushing a little girl half his age down the slide while telling her to "get down." Nope not my son...didn't I tell you that he is the most perfect child on the planet....and of course it is all due to my perfect parenting.

After about an hour of fun play time we were thirsty and decided to spend the two dollars cash that I had on some bottled water. The water cost one dollar and twenty five cents so I had three quarters left. Of course today was sort of a fun day so I thought we would splurge and I would let him spend my three quarters on a train that moved back and forth. What the heck, you only live once right? Upon getting said quarters out of my wallet...I most certainly did NOT drop two of the quarters down my shirt where they comfortably took there place INSIDE my bra. SHOCKED at what just happened, I most certainly did not look around the mall to make sure nobody was looking and dig them out....and then placed them in the slots of the train. NO NO I would never do something like that because that would be indecent and like I said...I am the most perfect parent......LOL

Friday, July 3, 2009

Distractions!!

I am glad I have so many distractions. It keeps me busy not thinking about other things.

Today is potty training day. However we are running into some problems. My little guys BUTT is to big for the potty seat. He is three and a half and weighs 45 pounds. He isn't really fat but just really stalky....so he just went pee pee on the potty seat (displayed in the picture) and his butt is so big that his wee wee doesn't have room to go into the pot...so it went all over the carpet. UGGGGG!!!! I think potty seats are out...and we will have to go straight to the toilet.


Isn't that just the saddest face you have ever seen. LOL He thinks the world has ended. Here was our conversation..

From mommy to Skyler: "Skyler, you are a big boy now, you don't need a diaper any more."

From Skyler to mommy: "No, I'm me, I'm Skyler, I want a diaper."

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Reports from Rebekah and Ben and baby Ty tell me that there traveling is going super well. Baby Ty is sleeping a lot and they are able to just drive drive drive. Such good news right?

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Good bye day!!

I have dreaded this day. I knew it was coming though so I tried my hardest to prepare for it. I could hardly hold myself together when they walked through my door. Its so bitter sweet. I had to give away my baby, that might not be the "phrasing" people would think appropriate to use, but I GAVE away my baby. Thank GOD he has wonderful parents, and I am certain he will have a wonderful life.....but I cant explain how it tears my heart in two.

I am learning to live with my decisions every day. Today I thought I was stronger but the tears still flowed, I could hardly choke them back all morning.

When they came to my door me and Rebekah gave each other a hug and just cried on each others shoulders. She understands my pain. Ben was in the background just giving us time. Ben knew how hard it was for me. Its a weird thing....for me its one of the hardest days of my life...and for them...the happiest. Bitter sweet!!!

Ty was just so precious. I touched his feet, and kissed his head. I felt his hair for the last time and just was able to smell him and feel how warm he was. What a gift. I am blessed with five healthy children....four with me....one in another couples arms...but better off for it. I sit here with tears in my eyes....but I look forward to better days....better decisions. That's all I can do.

Here are some picture from today.



Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Short Short post!!

I am just posting to ask for prayers. R and B and baby T are leaving tomorrow to drive home. Please pray for safety while they drive. Also, please pray for me, although I am so thrilled for them to get home and get on with their lives....its still hard to see them go. :(

Stacking the cheese....


I have done my youngest son a GRAVE disservice.

Ill explain. My three oldest kids were always raised to eat the food they were served. I have always lived by the motto "this is not McDonald's and you can not have it your way." They know this, and so I serve one meal for dinner and I will not make two different things to cater to different children......so I thought.

SOMEHOW when little Skyler came around, things changed. There is a six year gap between him and his older brother and at some point in raising Skyler...I dropped the ball. The older kids most certainly live by my motto and they eat what they are served, but Skyler has pretty much gotten what he wanted.

Because I did not hold to my standard with my youngest son, in return, I have a very picky eater. Now you might not think this is a big deal but let me tell you how serious this is. It seems a bit funny but truly...its gotten to the point of being very serious.

His diet consists of peanut butter and honey sandwiches, plain vanilla yogurt, and OCCASIONALLY a chicken nugget if I am lucky. Oh, and lets not forget that he would live on milk if I would let him. He LOVES milk and drinks tons and tons of it. This little boy has not had a veggie or any other piece of food in his entire life. I know.....I know...bad bad mommy. How did this happen to me. I have always been a very very strict mom when it came to eating. I'm so disappointed in myself.

So, because things are about to change, and when I say that I mean REALLY change for him, I have to retrain my sons eating. He is about to go to daycare because I am looking for a job outside the home for the first time in his little life. Can you imagine if he were to go to daycare like this?

Let me tell you the current situation. It is now 3:43 p.m and my little Skyler REFUSES to eat anything. People, he has not had a bite of food all day long and that is no exaggeration. Now if he could have his way he would be pigging out on peanut butter sandwiches and milk till the sun went down...but I cant allow that anymore. So my plan of action is to offer him a new food every day and just leave it out (Ive replaced the cheese on the table when it got nasty) and when he gets hungry he will eat, but nothing else will be offered, not even milk.

So today, we are trying cheese. You would think that something as simple as cheese would be easy...but no....we are currently going on about three hours of sitting at the table...stacking cheese......let me show you....I guess its more fun to stack instead of eat.


Any advice is certainly welcome. Please be kind, I am an experienced mom....although it doesn't show right now.