Life is pretty steady right now. I have a constant schedule that pretty much stays the same every week. Work is tiring but very rewarding and my weight loss....well, I'm still a "looser," but it is taking more time then I imagined to get to my goal weight. 125 down, 44 to go!
I'm looking forward to Summer. Even though I cant eat most of the food at BBQ's, its the smell of the grill and the company of good friends that gets me going.
I'm not a very calm person as far as my emotions go. Outwardly, if you were to know me in person, you couldn't imagine that to be true, but inwardly I'm a constant worrier. I worry mostly about my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together nine months now. Ive spent the majority of those months driving myself crazy thinking that he was going to break up with me or cheat on me, or top loving me, or not want to marry me someday. Its a constant, persistent, and exhausting mind battle that I put myself through. It takes away my joy and it takes away from my life. My boyfriend is a wonderful man and he treats me very respectably. We have some issues, but I think its because we both have baggage from our past relationships and we also are single parents. Put those two things together and it makes any relationship challenging. My mind battles are certainly just that.....MINE. The boyfriend isn't causing them...its simply my insecurities.
I'm in a better place lately. Something in the last two weeks has changed me. I am very far from being the "inward" worrier...but I decided that if the boyfriend wants to be with me then he will. I also decided that if the boyfriend wants to cheat on me....then he will...and there truly isn't anything I can do about either one of those things. My whole life I have only been treated horribly by men, so In my silly mind Its hard to get used to actually being treated like I'm an equal...like I matter....like what I say counts. Its very hard to retrain a warped and damaged heart. But I'm trying.....
Me: My name is Rebekah. I am a child of the most high God and the mother to six precious children, four of which I parent, one who went to be with Jesus at six weeks gestation, and the last one (sweet Tyrus) who I relinquished to adoption. This blog highlights all the good the bad and the ugly parts of being a single mom and also a birth mom. Truth be told, I'm just a sinner saved by grace, and I have made a lot of mistakes, but its all about counting the cost and moving on and making life better, because life is good....really really good.
Chelsea: My firstborn. She was born with a crooked nose and a personality that caught every ones attention. She is independent, and loving, and very girly. Give her some hairspray and some makeup and a pair of skinny jeans and she is happy. Thankfully her nose straightened out but the rest of her stayed the same...I'm so glad.
Victoria: My second born. Thoughtful, serious and beautiful are words that sum up Victoria since she was born. It took a lot to make her smile as a baby but when she did it lit up the room. Now that she is older she is still serious, but also very loving and likes to kiss my cheek all the time. She is sneaky yet likes to please. She loves animals and I wouldn't be surprised if she became an animal activist some day.
Matthew: My third born. Movin Movin Movin would describe Matt exactly. He is just a bundle full of energy. He doesn't like video games or TV, he would rather be outside throwing a football or riding his bike. He is all boy. He is my fix it kid. Give him a screw driver and he will figure it out.
Skyler: My fourth born. The baby of the family is exactly what little Sky is. I think he knows this and plays all of us for all we are worth. Trouble would be the word I would use to describe him. Don't leave him alone for a minute or he will be playing cars through a pile of flour in my living room. Even though he is into everything, he is such a sweetheart and we all love him very much.