Monday, December 15, 2014

What am I doing with my life?

God has given me so much. I have a wonderful husband...a beautiful house...many many loving health...a strong mind and body, and "work from home" job. We are very busy trying to keep our business running smoothly and with all the little ones running around (one being autistic) you could safely say that we are busy people. I am certainly leading a very fulfilling life...but...for some reason, for the past couple months, I have felt a stirring in my soul. Its almost as if an audible voice keeps saying to me....

"What are you doing with your life? Are you doing enough?"

On a corner not far from my house there is a building that has gone through many transitions over the past, almost, two years that I have lived in this neighborhood. The last business that occupied this little building was a chiropractic office. There must not have been enough business in this corner of town because it quickly disappeared, and in its place came this.....

Not long after they moved into this cute little building did I start hearing that voice inside my head and heart...

"What are you doing with your life?"

I just cant ignore this stirring that I feel in my soul and so it got me thinking. There is a reason I have been through all this heartache and trial. Life is so complicated and so often we get frustrated because it seems the trials never end and just as you start to see a calming trend in your life another ball drops and your forced into hardship least that's been my life's trend.

About three weeks ago, coming home from the grocery store, I passed this Pregnancy Center again. I had passed it many times before but ignored that voice in my head. "What are you doing with your life." I would tell myself I was to busy but that maybe SOMEDAY I would take the time to go in.  I'm not sure what was different this day. I barely even remember having any thoughts of going into the building...I just know that I turned into the parking lot, got out of my car, and walked into the building.  I had actually visited this kind of center when I fell pregnant at 18. I remember being so scared. The staff (back in 1995) was so kind to me and welcoming. I remember leaving feeling, still scared, but not alone. So three weeks ago walking into this center brought back a lot of memories.

As I walked into the building there was a small waiting room. It was clean and it smelled good. Off to the right side were little pamphlets on abortion and birth control. There were only two people, a man and a woman, sitting in the waiting room and I wondered what their story was. One elderly sweet looking lady was behind the desk greeting me with a very sweet smile.

"Hello dear," she said to me. "Can I help you with something?"

I had no idea what I was going to say to her. I didn't have a plan, I only knew that there was some reason I was supposed to be here.

"Well," I answered, "I'm not really sure what It is I'm looking for but I'm a birth mom and I am wondering if there was any way I could help out around here."

She smiled and pulled out a Volunteer Application. She told me to look it over and fill it out and bring it back. I took the paper from her, thanked her and went to my car.

Sitting in my car I was able to look at the application more closely. It didn't say "Pregnancy Center," on it, instead it said "Life Network." I thought that was incredible. I had just finished reading a fantastic book written by Abby Johnson titled "Unplanned." It was a story about a young girl who started volunteering at Planned Parenthood and eventually was hired on and became the director of one of the clinics. She worked there for many years until she realized how horrible abortion was and converted to pro-life beliefs, and now does work for the Life Network. It was a wonderful story, and beautifully written. Ironically, and maybe not that surprising given the battle between pro-life and pro-choice, there is a Planned Parenthood not even a block from the Pregnancy Center where I picked up this application.
 What is God doing? I really don't know. All I know is that He has put a stirring in my heart to want more out of life. I want to take all those experiences I have and use them for Gods glory. I want to help other people who have been in my shoes are put in that position to choose between abortion or adoption. These are life and death decisions and It breaks my heart that there are those out there that are struggling with it.

I don't know what God has in store for me on this venture but I'm going to trust that He knows more than me. My only prayer is "Use me God!" And my heart is for being used anywhere, even if its just to file papers or clean toilets. I am available.