Saturday, November 27, 2010

Another storm....

Ive blogged about storms before. Ive been through some of the roughest storms that I could ever imagine going through. Ive hit rock bottom...Ive climbed mountains...Ive been through valleys. Isn't it amazing how Gods creation mirrors our lives and our trials? Even the ocean waves mimic the highs and the lows in life.

My daughter is gone. She doesn't want to come home. I will praise you in this storm. She said I'm not her mother anymore and she is living with a new mother. This women that she is staying with is a stranger to me. Ive never met her. She has allowed my daughter (a runaway) to stay in her home. She has not bothered to call me or to contact the police. All this women knows is what my daughter has told her. I will praise you in this storm.

I have been a single mom for eleven years now. Ive begged, borrowed and even been homeless in those eleven years. Ive cherished my motherhood and my (then three) but now four (save Tyrus which makes five) precious children. Ive fought to keep food on the table...worked odd jobs...gotten fired from jobs because of precious sick babies...and even gave one of my sweet babies up for adoption for the good of all of them. And now.....I might have to let another one go. I will praise you in this storm.

When do you waive the white flag? When do you say you have had enough? The answer is never. When you are a mom you never give up, you never say quit. I'm now facing a situation that overwhelms me. I was overwhelmed to began with. I work forty hours a week which leaves little time for dinner and homework. I know that my time with the kids is lacking...but I don't have anyone to pick up the slack. Its just me...me and my four babies. I know that is why my daughter doesn't want to live here. She needs more then I have been able to give her. I'm a good mom, but I'm not enough. My heart is broken....again, its hardly had time to heal from Tyrus. She wants to live with her grandma.

This is ripping my heart out. It is rocking me to my core. It wasnt supposed to be this way. GOD WHERE ARE YOU!!!??

And though my heart is torn...I will praise you in the storm.

She has been gone now for five nights. Please pray!!!!

"Oh God, have mercy on me. I cant take much more."

18 comments:

CarolM said...

Becky - {{{{HUGS}}}} Praying for you sweetie! And for that sweet girl of yours and for the other kiddos too.

<3 ya.

kah said...

de-lurking just to let you know that I'll be praying for your family...

H said...

Praying for you and your daughter, Rebekah...every day.

Deanna said...

Praying for you guys! I'm so sorry to hear this.

Deanna said...

Praying for you guys! I'm so sorry to hear this.

LL said...

Lifitng you in prayer..praying your daughter will come home, to stay. God will carry you through.

MrsPerrbear said...

I know this feeling better than most, "...and even gave one of my sweet babies up for adoption for the good of all of them.", and this post brought me to tears. My thoughts and prayers are with you through this storm and always. Hang in there Rebekah. Your heart is stronger than you think, and your faith is a testament to that.

Michelle said...

(any way you could put me in touch with her, like through email or something? as a kid who has experienced more than most people would even believe, maybe i'd be able to connect.)

in any case, i would personally advise AGAINST taking a forceful approach initially. of course you've got to put your foot down if it comes to that, but i'd really try communication first.

ask her what's behind this. ask her how she's feeling, and why she's feeling those things. most importantly, LISTEN. don't judge, don't tell her she's wrong, don't make her feel like she can't be honest with you because all you'll do is put her down & shut her up.

(to be clear, i am NOT criticizing you AT ALL. i'm NOT saying she's correct. what i'm saying is that this could be how things are in HER eyes... and even if she's wrong, telling her that won't do any good & will only push her further away.)

ask her if this is related to the adoption. ask if she's feeling overlooked or afraid of abandonment. validate her feelings about Ty, and maybe try sharing feelings of your own. ask if there's something she's missing that she would like more of from you - more time together, more trust, more freedom, that she can earn as she proves herself.

explain your hurt to her. tell her how YOU feel, and how her actions are impacting you. try to explain how much you have sacrificed for her since the day she was born (without wording it in such a way that places blame on her) and ask her what is stopping her from accepting that love.

ultimately, she's your kid. you can completely ignore me, and if you pray about how to handle this & feel led otherwise, of course you should follow God's leading. i'm simply sharing some things that i've learned both from experience & from things i've studied on the path to becoming a social worker that have to do with communication.

if she won't come home, you can involve the police. and i'd strongly suggest you do so if communicating doesn't work. but personally (again, this is just me, and you know i don't have my own children...) i'd try talking first so as to avoid such a big step that, while perfectly legitimate, would only serve to make things worse.

feel free to contact me any time. if i can help beyond praying please let me know!

Michelle said...

and just so you know, i'm 24 now so not too far out of my late teens... and i was one troubled kid. i attempted suicide, was hurting myself multiple times a day for years, was anorexic, you name it i dealt with it for the most part.

almost EVERYTHING i did was a cry for help or attention. the strange thing is, if you'd asked me if i was doing those things to ask for help or seek attention, i would've said no - and i'd have meant it! most of the time it was completely subconscious. your daughter's running away may be something like that, and she may not even know it. or she could be completely aware of it & she may have done this specifically to get a reaction from you.

maybe she needs to see how much you love her & need her in your life. of course she would NEVER let you see that, she needs to appear tough & above it all... but i'd be careful about assuming those walls she's probably showing around her heart are made of brick. chances are, they can be chipped away at more easily than you'd think.

people don't just wake up one day & say, "this seems like a great day to run away!" it comes after a long time of something being wrong inside. SOMETHING has been weighing on your girl and this is how she's acting on it. certainly NOT right, NOT acceptable, and NOT something you should allow to stand... but this is how she knows to deal with it. i'll pray God shows you what your daughter is trying to tell you through this & that He gives you the answers on how to deal with it.

Amy said...

I'm really sorry to hear this. Who is this woman? I am confused and worried! Is she also with her father? You said grandma? Sending lots of prayers.

matchingmoonheads said...

delurking. my husband ran away from home for a few weeks when he was in high school too. he went and lived with his grandparents as well due to rules at his parents house. he did turn out fine so, don't loose all faith! i don't mean to belittle your situation, just to give you hope that this is somewhat normal teenage behavior, although i do hope she is able to deal with tyrus's adoption.

All My Monkeys said...

I could tell by your silence that stuff's been goin' on. Praying for you, m'lady. ANd for you family.

Life Happens said...

Rebekah,

I am so sorry to hear this! I will be praying for you and for your family.

Hugs and Prayers,

Evonne

Melrose said...

Oh Rebekah, I'm so sorry. My father had custody of my siblings and I and did some pretty amazing things to fight for us. The strange lady thing would make me sick with worry...esp since you dont know what goes on in her house. Can you get her out of there and to her grandma's at least until this is worked out so she's not with a stranger? Maybe some one on one with Grandma wouldn't be so bad....would Grandma be watchful and keep a close eye on her? Though our Heavenly Father pursues us without end, he also does not force us to believe. In the same way, I suppose parents cannot force a child to receive their love. You love your children and are doing the best you can. Keep loving and being there, I'm so sorry!

Rebekah said...

I prayed for you this morning. That your heart would be full of hope. Love you, babe.

Faith said...

I'm so sorry, Rebekah! I haven't had time to catch up on blogs 'til now. I can't believe this storm - it sounds like torture. I will be thinking of you and your daughter and hoping you are able to find your way back to her, and her back to you, VERY soon....

Live@Learn said...

yah... you got real quiet even on FB.....I wish I was there... I wish I could take this all away for you... I hate it when people say that to me but its what my heart is crying....I love you.. I love chels... and I will pray and pray and pray for Gods move in your family.

cindie

webkinzfan said...

Oh sweet Rebekah- My heart breaks for you. I wish I could do something to help. I know this is not much, but I'm sending you a BIG (cyber) HUG!! I'm praying for you, too!!! You posted this a week ago. I hope things have gotten better since then. I have a feeling that your daughter will come to her senses after a while and come home. You and yoiur family are in my prayers!!! Teens are by nature self centered and they lack insight and empathy. I don't think your daughter understands your point of view- only her own. You sound like a good mother and I do believe that you are doing the best you can for your family. I know it hurts that your daughter ran away and is not apprecitaive of all of your sacrifice and hard work. Hang on. God is with you in this storm!!!! He loves you and your daugher! I have never met you, but you are my sister in Christ, and I love you too!!!! HUGS from Tracy in Iowa!!