Thursday, July 29, 2010

Kids and work...

So I got a new job. I think that's old news. Its going great. I love my boss and co-workers. I love being at a place that I feel I am making a difference and I actually get talked to. I basically am a paper pusher. I do paperwork all day, answer phones, talk to the kids poking their heads over my desk wall, and answer phones. Occasionally the infants teacher will poke her head out and ask me to watch the babies while she goes to the bathroom. I am more then happy to oblige. Yesterday I got to hold a newborn. (be still my heart)

My boss took me aside yesterday and offered me a proposition. Skyler is already at the daycare with me and is doing great. They kids (who I thought were coming home this weekend) will actually be home on the 7th. This gives me an extra week to plan. Anyway, back to my point. My boss told me that I could bring Matthew to work with me and they will transport him to and from school and he can just enter the daycare and they will not charge me anymore then I'm paying for Skyler. (that's huge) Also, he told me that I can eat at my desk and take my lunch break later in the day and go get the girls and bring them to work with me. He said that my situation really got to him and he wanted to help.

I think this is all really good news. There are a few problems...well just one...Chelsea doesn't want to come to work with me. I told her she wouldn't be a part of the day care....but instead she would be at the front desk with me doing homework or reading a book or doing small office tasks if she wanted to. She isn't happy about it at all.

My problem is this...its her first year of high school. If I don't pick her up from school then that leaves her free to do what she wants from two thirty in the afternoon until after six in the evening. The high school is literally right in our back yard so anybody she wanted to could come to the house and nobody would be the wiser. None of the other kids would be home so she would be alone. I'm not OK with this. I just feel like there is to much unsupervised time. Am I being overbearing here? It would be so perfect to go and pick her up every day. My mind would be at ease and I could work and not have any kid drama.

Its not like she would be picked up with a daycare bus, she would be picked up by harm no foul. I would have all the kids with me at work for the remainder of the afternoon and I just think that would be so much better then them being home. I only work four days a week. If I dont take this option then Im going to have to hire someone to come and sit with the kids at my house and I cant afford it.

Last year was HORRIBLE!!!! I HAD to be at work...but the kids were home running through the neighborhood, going into stores and stealing candy (and other things), smoking cigarettes they found on the ground, going into strange peoples houses without permission, and having boys in the house without an adult home. It was absolutely CRAZY. I felt I had no control over anything. My kids are free spirits and can not be trusted with to much free time.

Given the kids track records, I don't feel like they should be able to choose if they go home of If I pick them up.

What are your thoughts?

Monday, July 26, 2010

Things I wish I never had purchased...

Can you tell Im borred. Skyler got his four year old shots today so he doesnt like walking, and I thought Id do a foot dance for you with my new yellow socks. Sigh!!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Work and other things...

I got a call (finally) from the unemployment office today. They state that the Orthodontist office I worked for has loads of documentation that I was warned and warned of my mistakes from nearly the first week I worked there. The man said that he understands my point of view but because I do not have documentation of my allegations then I will probably be denied unemployment. I had no chance from the beginning. They started giving me reviews and warnings from nearly the second week I worked there. I don't know why they hired me.

I'm very thankful for the job I have now. I just completed my first full week. My hours are four days of ten hours. Its very tiring but well worth the three day weekend. The people there are so nice and they give so much grace to me. I was literally thrown into the position. I am now receiving deeper training but I feel like the training I received at the Ortho office has really helped.

I did make my first mistake of sharing my adoption story with someone. She is one of my co-workers at my current job. She seemed to really like me and would talk to me a lot. In one of our conversations I mentioned that I had a fifth child but that I didn't keep him...but instead gave him up for adoption. Her response to me was "You know, its really none of my business."

That really threw me for a loop. People truly do not understand and are not accepting of my life. I have learned my lesson once again that I should not share my life with anyone at work. I'm confident that she will keep that information private but I will not confide in her. It makes me sad.

Whats wrong with my life? The Bible tells us to "bear one anthers burden's." Now of course I am not burdening her so maybe that does not apply, and she is a Christian but maybe because my life is so complex its just hard for others to hear?

I'm forgiven for what wrong I did. I hardly think about it now. Instead, I sit back and watch my little boy grow, and laugh, and I watch his parents hearts beat a little stronger because of the new love in their lives. So much joy....heartache left behind....time to move forward. I wish others felt the same way.

Thank you all for your prayers. My dad is doing fine and has been diagnosed with vertigo. Far far cry from a stroke or heart attack. Thank you Jesus!!!!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

My dad...

OK friends. Im asking for prayers for my dad. He is in the hospital. For a couple weeks (unknown to us) has suffered nausea, dizziness, the sweats, stumbling for no reason, slight numbness on one side of his face, and when he stands up his vision is wavy and sort of tunneled. He chalked all this up to being clumsy but now it is clear something is wrong. To top it all off his heart rate is unusually low in the high thirties to low forties. For those who don't know your heart rate should be in the sixties or higher. He is spending his second night in the hospital and will hopefully get the results from the EKG, CAT scan, multiple ultra sounds and blood tests tomorrow. (sigh)

I cant loose my dad!! I love him.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Not so simple...birth siblings

Ive been watching a new show. Its a follow up to the ever popular "16 and pregnant." Its called "teen mom" and you can view it on MTV or if you have Comcast you can find it on the "past season catch up" button on demand.

Many of these stories are focused on these teen moms who chose to keep and parent their babies; however, one story follows a girl and her boyfriend who made an adoption plan for their little girl. Tears flood my eyes as I watch the scenes play out. How smart and brave these two young people were to give their baby away...a baby that they certainly would have had plenty of love for, but not the means to raise.

I found myself in almost the same situation. I got pregnant, gave my baby up for adoption...but for me it was more then that. Ty was my fifth child. I knew that my decision would impact not only me, but my other four children a great deal. I also knew that Ty would live no ordinary life. Yes his life is extraordinary, but certainly not ordinary. He doesn't realize it now, but the questions will come. Fortunately (and I knew this when I picked them) his parents are wise, and loving, and trustworthy, and will only do what is best for him...and that will be to tell him where he came from and why his life is so extraordinary not ordinary. He will learn these things about his life and his past (even though he was in my belly) and it will become not such a big secrets. Rebekah and I talk about this often. Our conversation is open and honest and effortless.

For my other four kids...they think of Ty as nothing less then their brother. They refer to him as their brother and nobody corrects them when they do (not I nor Rebekah and Ben). How can you take that away from a child? They watched him grow as my belly got bigger. They placed their sweet hands on him and felt him kick. He was real, he is real.

I am not naive to the fact that my kids hurt because of the adoption. They have suffered a great loss...a loss equivalent (the experts say) to a death. Sometimes I think they suffered more then I did. I'm older, and I knew exactly what I was doing...but they didn't have a choice...they didn't have a voice. I couldn't give them a voice because I knew what was best for them, even though they couldn't understand.

My children have noticeable wounds because of my choices. I can hardly type that without crying. Can you imagine my pain...its give a baby away, not because you don't love him, not because you don't want him, but simply because there is not enough of you to go around, because if you kept the baby it would mean that everyone would suffer a lack of attention and a lack of time. One thing I have learned in my fourteen years of being a mom is the biggest thing that children require is time. You could be poor as dirt or as rich as the hills, but if you don't spend time with your kids, nothing else matters. My gift to all five of my kids....was time.

I know my kids hurt, Ty might hurt someday to, but I pray for only a moment, until he grasps the full truth of what I chose for him.

So we heal, we heal, we heal. Time heals.

Thursday, July 15, 2010


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Two failed marriages, five children, one adoption, a slew of broken relationships (sigh). I don't want to screw up again.

Yesterday in the grocery store a man was staring at me. I was in line waiting to pay for my groceries and he offered to unload them for me. It caught me by surprise. I quickly but nicely told him no thank you but it got me thinking.

I see a pattern in my life. I get married, have a baby, get fat, get divorced, get skinny again, find a man, get hurt, and am left alone all over again. I'm at the getting skinny part again and I'm noticing that men are paying attention to me and I'm sort of thrown for a loop.

Am I ready? It still seems to soon to start dating again. Its been almost two years since I even considered dating or have dated. I really really really made the wrong choices with Ron Ty's birth dad. I trusted him, I believed him, because he seemed believable. How do I know the difference between a liar and a genuinely good guy?

I don't know what to do. I don't want to ward off men for the rest of my life but I just don't trust myself. I don't have a good track record for picking good guys. Wow, how many times can I say the word "don't" in a paragraph. LOL

I feel lost in this area. Does anyone have a good book that could set some rules for me? I know that sounds silly but I really can not afford to mess up again.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Good News!!

I had my second interview with the daycare yesterday for the General Administrator position. The interview went very well. This morning I received this email:


We believe that you are a good fit for the position. Pastor Scott asked me to see if you'd be willing to come in today, Wednesday through Friday from 12-6 as a working interview. We would train you on the basics so you could handle the desk but we wouldn't throw you any of the hard stuff over the next few days. We'd just like to see how you interact with parents and it would give you a little more opportunity to see how we function (to a certain degree) so you could evaluate whether or not you could see yourself working here long-term. At the close of day on Friday, we would let you know whether or not we wanted you to start permanently on Monday. The hours you work this week would be paid. You are more than welcome to bring your 4 year old son if you don't have anywhere else to take him. The drop-in rate for a 4 year old is $5/hour and with a 50% staff discount it's be $2.50/hour.

I know today is short notice; we'd like to get to seeing if you are the correct fit or not right away. Please let me know if this plan will work ASAP. I'll give you a call around 10am if I haven't heard back from you.

We're really excited to see if this is the Lord's leading!


Im so excited. Im a little concerned with the hours. They will not be noon to six every day and they seemed willing to work with me as far as the kids go. I cant believe I might have a job by next week. This is a miracle!!!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Weeding through Youtube...

I ran across the video I made after Tyrus was born. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes. This little boy was the reason I started this blog. I'm going to post the video again. This is the first time Ive watched it in a very very long time. I couldn't watch it without sobbing before. Today I watch it with a different perspective on things.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Are you kidding me?

You gotta love Craigslist. The last two jobs I have worked were found on Craigslist. The only thing is you have to be careful. I would say that about sixty percent of the job postings are just scams so its important to really look for the signs. Here are a few of the job postings that I took an interest in...

Looking for Egg Donors
-Unfortunately I did not qualify for this one because to donate eggs you must have a two year college degree. LOL Go figure!

Ice cream Bike Riders
-I'm still considering this one. All the ice cream I could eat, and it wont matter because I'm riding my bike around town. GO ME!!!!!

Security Officers Wanted-P/T to F/T
-Can I carry a gun? BONUS! My favorite movie was always Die Hard. I could be living the dream!

Weed puller
-Ummmm, after much thought I decided I was WAY over qualified for this job!

Experienced Pet Sitters - Vet Office Experience Required
-Seriously? You need experience to babysit a DOG? Sheesh! I figure all you need is a yard and a pooper scooper.

-Ummmmm! NO! There are no words!

Professional Tattoo Artist in demand Now!
-Do you think they require experience? LOL After all, I have a tattoo. Would that qualify as "experience?"

Teenager Chores $8.00 hour
-Now I know I would be good at this! I do my teenagers chores all the time!

zombie movie casting in Colorado springs
-A little makeup, and I would fit right in!

Are you kidding me?

No seriously though, today I do have a job interview for a position as a Director at a daycare. That would be SOOO perfect. To be honest I just am not up to actually doing the babysitting, but to be the financial director would be SO COOL! If you pray, pray for me today!!

Monday, July 5, 2010


Things change so fast around here. Just when I thought I found my "steady" pace, things get changed up and I'm forced to find a new normal for me and my family.

I don't like having such drastic change in my life. When I got fired I literally started to hyperventilate from the thoughts that went through my head. Of course it all revolved around money. Isn't that what its all about? Money! I don't like the stuff that much, except that we have to have it to survive these days. Unfortunately, the electric company does not take baked goods in exchange for services. (sheesh, go figure!)

Change does bring some good things. The absence of a job in my life has caused me to stand still and look around. The hustle and bustle of keeping track of four kids, as well as trying to keep track of myself (I get lost quite often LOL) pulls me deeper and deeper into a confused whirlwind. With so much time on my hands I can take a step back, breathe, breathe again, and then sort out what went wrong. This change has given me time to refocus.

My older three kids will be home in a little over four weeks. Believe it or not it will take that long to prepare for their home coming. Things will change for them. Its not only time for me to refocus on things that matter, but they will need to step up and be more responsible. If you read my post here on homosexuality in young kids lives, you will understand some of the road we have traveled this past year. Of course that post did bring a lot of opinions to the surface. The bottom line is, love me or hate me, this is how I want to raise my kids. Things will be changing!

So as I spend LOTS of time scouring Craigslist for job openings, preparing for the kids homecoming, and hugging on my four year old....I am eternally thankful to God who has brought me this far. My termination from my job (at the time) seemed like a curse, but as many of you have commented, I have come to realize that it was a blessing I could not have foreseen. Around every corner I see God. My life very much mirrors the poem "Footprints in the sand."
Letting God carry me through this storm will be my key to survival.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Provisions and thoughts on blog ad's

Yesterday I was very honored to meet one of my blog buddies. She contacted me and we both set up a time to meet and have some good conversation.

Please meet my new friend JC.

And her adorable twelve year old twins Samantha and Bret. The third child is mine. He quickly befriended Bret...and swiftly stole his googly eye hat.

Bret didn't mind budding up to a four year old. In fact, he seemed to quite enjoy him.

Two pees in a pod? I think so!

JC and her kids drove an hour and twenty minutes just to see us. They even bought Skyler a coloring kit to keep him busy so we could visit and blessed us with lunch and a Walmart gift card for some groceries. I am blessed beyond measure to have them as my friends. I am astounded by Gods provision. It was a wonderful day! I only wish they lived closer.

In our conversation that day we got to talking about blog ads. I have a couple blogger friends that have recently put them on their blogs but I didn't think anything of it. I have tried making money online through different areas like secret shoppers and other things but they never paid off. I figured that blog ads were just the same kind of thing and wouldn't bring any income in. What are your thoughts on this? Do you have blog ads and do they bring in any money for you?

Honestly, I never minded if one of the blogs I read had ads on it. If you find a way to make money why not take it. It doesn't hurt me, I don't click on the ads...nor do I really pay that much attention to them. LOL With that said, how in the heck do people make money off them?