Thursday, January 14, 2016

A thousand words...

A picture is worth a thousand words right? I came across this picture on my Facebook "memories." I'm sure you know what I am talking about. Facebook has this thing it does lately. It brings to your attention a memory from the past in hopes you will repost it. That's not such a great thing for me. My Facebook "memories" don't exactly bring back warm fuzzy feelings for me. As you can see from this picture it's me and my oldest son Matt. This picture was taken not long after I let both my girls go. My oldest daughter was angry at me for giving her youngest brother up for adoption. You can see in the background of this picture on my refrigerator. On my refrigerator I have displayed my youngest son with his mom and dad. They are extremely happy and just starting to build their wonderful family through adoption. My oldest daughter, like I said, was extremely angry at me for many reasons I cannot explain here, and asked to go live with her grandparents. In my weak mental state I allowed her to go. My second oldest daughter had started to rebel and asked me one day if she can go live with her dad. This caused me a lot of grief and sorrow. I knew she didn't belong to me, and I knew that her dad would except her with open arms.again, in my mentally weakens  state from all the drama in my life, I let her go. 

I let my girls go but I still had my boys. I held on to them as long as I could but... Matthew, the one scene in the picture below also became very angry with me and wanted to leave. I said no to him for many years until I couldn't say no to him you know longer and let him leave to live with his father. 

My oldest daughter lives on her own, but lucky for me, she lives in the same town as I do. Victoria and Matt still live with their dad. They are thriving and happy and doing extremely well. I miss them so much and when I see pictures on Facebook of me and them, I cry and cry. I did not have children to be separated from them. Divorce is horrible, distructive, and sad. I don't know if I will ever recover from the sadness in my life. Hopefully, I'll figure it all out soon. 

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Scale pic...

I started my weight loss journey at 319 pounds. All along the way I posted my "scale" pictures as the weight came off. I really slacked off the past year so I am going to start posting it again. My new scale measures body fat which I never kept track of before. It's pretty exciting.

Friday, July 17, 2015

Nail polish

It's no secret that I am constantly looking for more ways to be healthy. One of those ways was trying to find a nail polish solution that worked for me. With regular store bought nail polishes my nails seem to crack and just flake. It's horrible. I tried jamberry nails, and I like them, but they are really hard to apply. I can only assume that the bad chemicals in nail polishes are the culprit for me. My girlfriend who I met in Zumba class actually makes non toxic polishes that do not contain any of these chemicals commonly found in store bought polishes (Tolyene-helps suspend the color and form a smooth finish across the nail. It also affects the central nervous system and can cause headaches dizziness and fatigue. It is also possibly linked to reproductive and developmental toxins. Impairs breathing, causes nausea, causes developmental damage to the fetus, and is linked to malignant lymphoma. Formaldehyde-found in some nail products such as nail hardener and is also known as the human carcinogen. It's used to embalm dead bodies. Camphor-exposure to this toxin can cause irritation, nausea, dizziness, and headaches. When ingested can be linked to seizures and in rare cases cause liver damage when applied to skin.) 😧 I do not want those things on my nails. Amy's polishes are mood changing polishes and change color from hot to cold. I LOVE them. I can't wait to buy all the colors. This one is blue/purple. One thing (among many) that I love about her polishes is they dry so dang fast. 

You can visit her Etsy store here:

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Six years old

He is six years old today. 

Most days I'm ok, but today the memories are getting the best of me. I have so much anger, and sadness, and regret....but then....I remember how great his life is right now and it settles my heart. 

My mind takes me back to "birth day. " there was much excitement in the air. We had all come to love the family that would soon take the roll of mom and dad to my son. I had family and friends around me. I was showered with gifts, and I had a pretty darn good epidural going, so things didn't seem so bad. I thought "I can handle this." And guess what? I did handle it, but it was so dang hard. 

After he was born we all held him and admired his beautiful features and his massive amount of hair. He had these dark eyes that were almost black in color. His hair stuck up in the air like it had hell in it. It was adorable. 

The fun ended that day when the adoption agency's representative came in and said it was time for me to sign the papers. I had him in my arms when I signed away my parental rights. I couldn't keep myself calmed down. The tears flowed and flowed. And then, it was time to leave. I watched as his new mom and dad carefully placed him in their car seat and buckled him in for the first time. I remember being so happy that they were experiencing parenthood and all the fun "firsts." 

We all were escorted out of the hospital at the same exit, and into the same parking lot. There was just one difference...try were going home with a baby, and I was not...and it was all by choice.  I felt sick to my stomach and thought I might loose it in the parking lot, but I held it together for the drive home.

That was six years ago and the memories are so vivid. The pain is stil so real, but there are a few things that have changed. I'm not the same person as I was six years ago. I think I have gained so much within myself. I have been able to deal with the circumstances that made me a birthmom, and I'm ok with it. I made the best decision I could for my son. He has a good life and we have a wonderful open relationship. Hard times defiantly shape us and make us grow.  I'm in a good place now, but I will never forget the pain of the past because it makes me who I am today. 

Friday, May 29, 2015

Headband Review

You can find Owl Be Sweatin headbands at Use code Rebekahb15 for a 15% discount. I do not sell these, I only promote them because I love them. Check out my video below.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

My second weight loss challenge group starting soon.....

I am starting another online accountability weight loss challenge group and I have a few spots open!! It officially starts on April 27th. 

My first group has a couple weeks left and I'm gearing up for the next one!! By the way, one of my girls has already lost 6 pounds and they are only two weeks in!! THAT'S INCREDIBLE!

This group is designed to teach you how to live a healthy lifestyle by learning portion control, eating the right kinds of foods, and also short intense workouts that will get you results!

There is a financial investment required (to make sure you have ALL the tools you need to SERIOUSLY rock this,) but there are a range of options, so I am sure we will find something to fit YOUR budget needs.

This is a LIFESTYLE change, not a QUICK fix. I have lost 133 pounds by changing my habits and practicing them every day. I want to pay it forward and help others reach their goals.

Respond to this invitation if you are serious about changing your life and getting healthier. This is an investment in YOU and YOUR future. I cant wait to work with you!!

If you are interested you have several ways of contacting me below:

2. Facebook=
3. My facebook fan page: