Autism is no joke....Part 2!!

Eventually, after several hospital visits and many tests, I finally thought I had some answers. I realized that Skyler NEVER had any of these seizure episodes at home. The teachers said that when it happens his whole-body collapses and he is unresponsive on the floor. They have to wait a few minutes for him to respond and then he gets up and sits on a chair. From there he is very weak and shaky. This gave me some clues. I even overheard one of the paramedics say that it could be a blood sugar issue. OF COURSE!!! With all Skyler's food issues, it had to be linked. I got to thinking. When Sky is home he has access to all his normal (for him) foods. He can eat when he wants and drink his milk. When he goes to school I do pack his lunch (there is no way he will eat any of the school food) but he cant necessarily eat when he wants because he is 18 and should be working. I couldn't be certain but I wondered if his blood sugar was dropping and causing him to have these episodes?  

I took him to his doctor and she did some blood work and suggested that we make sure he eats before the bus comes and pack some juices and snacks. I did that and here we are today, no further along than before in figuring out what is wrong with Skyler. He is still having those episodes ONLY at school and I am just beside myself. I no longer feel like school is a safe place for him to be with his health. I think that all these years of living on his limited food selections has taken a toll on his body. He lives on milk and carbs. 

Today I reached my limit. Skyler had an episode at school. I just started a new job and I had to call a family member to pick him up from school again. I cant do it. I just am so done. My anxiety level is so high. I am sitting at work wondering if I am going to get a call about Skyler fainting. I cant leave work because its a new job so I had to make a very hard choice today. I am going to ask the school to put Skyler on a home school program. This is the only thing I can think of that might work. He is 18 and still has a year and a half possibly two years left before he can graduate. He is so far behind. I cried a lot today. I am so sad. I feel like I have failed. I feel like the future is grim. I dont know how to move on. I am hoping the school will work with us. I am so lost and sad today. 

Autism is no joke...PART 1!!!!!

I was at the gym the other night and one of the ladies I am friends with stopped me and said, "don't you have a blog?" It was so random. I couldn't and still can not remember if I had told anyone here in Arizona that I used to be a blogger. After she said that I suddenly remembered that I did have a blog. I wondered if it still existed. I remembered how much I loved blogging and pouring my heart out on the computer screen. It was a safe place to say what my heart needed to say. Why did I stop? What happened that I lost this wonderful outlet?

I haven't been able to answer all the questions I just posed above but I think over time I will be able to unravel it all and put the pieces together. 

I recently purchased my very own laptop. Its been four years since I had a working computer of my own. With all the responsibilities I have now as a homeowner and a single mom of an autistic son, I just found it very important to have one. I even threw in a very nice printer so that I can print and scan as needed. I feel spoiled.  

It's been nearly four years since I moved from beautiful Colorado Springs to sunny Arizona. Me and my son Skyler moved here with our two dogs to build a new life. And so here we are four years later...a little wiser but nothing is easier for me. 

My son Skyler turned 18 on December 14th of 2023. It was a huge deal. A bigger deal, I think, than other kids his age. He has autism and although he is very high functioning in most areas, there are some areas that have become serious issues. When Skyler was born I did not know he had autism. He was not diagnosed until he was five years old. I just didn't know because he was never around other kids. When he started school the differences were very defined. I could tell so many stories about his childhood. I may have to write a book some day. 

One of the biggest obstacles for Skyler is his nutrition. When he was a baby he was so different than my other kids. He wouldn't eat any table food. He didn't want bites and he wouldn't eat any new foods. He went from formula to milk to peanut butter and honey sandwiches. He HATED baby food. I was so frustrated with him. I couldn't understand why he wouldn't just eat like all my other kids did. I was not the kind of mom who let my kids choose. They ate what I prepared, or they didn't eat at all. Skyler could not be convinced to eat any baby food. If I put it in his mouth, he would vomit or spit it out and cry and cry. It was the most frustrating time of my life. I took him to doctors and they would just tell me that the bread he was eating and the PeanutButter and milk was all fortified with vitamins and that all he needed to grow was a thin layer of fat around the brain and that he was "doing fine" nutritionally. This was so hard for me to accept. Socially, when I was around a new boyfriend or friends or family, they did not accept that Skyler was this way. They would say "give him to me for two weeks, ill make him eat."

It was a constant battle. I did manage to get him into food therapy for a good while. The only thing they were able to accomplish was Skyler bit into an apple once but then he spit it out. It was such a disappointment. 

As the years went on Skylers eating habits have not changed. Its been 18 years and he has never EVER eaten a vegetable or a fruit. He has never had a hamburger or spaghetti or any regular food. His food choices are very limited and have been the same for all these years. I did somehow manage to get him to eat Chick Fil A chicken nuggets. It was the first protein he had ever eaten. Unfortunately, the city we live in does not have a Chick Fil A. 

So here we are today. January 30th, 2024. About a year ago Skyler started having these fainting/seizure type spells at school. At first they were just happening once every 3-6 months. The first several times they would happen I would have the school call 911 and he would be transported to the hospital for testing. It was so scarry every time I would get a call at work. They would take him to the hospital and of course I would meet them there. The tests would include x-rays and blood work and glucose testing, and every time there would be no diagnosis and ultimately, they would chalk it down to an anxiety attack. Over time these episodes started to get more frequent. I could see the concern on the teachers faces. They wanted answers and I wanted them too but I just couldn't figure it out. 

Follow for part two.....

How did I get here?

How did I get here? I'm sitting here in a hospital bed waiting, waiting to be told what is going on inside my body. I'm worried about the kids. They are at there Aunts house but it is getting late and I don't want to take to much time because four kids for anybody is a challenge. My blood pressure is high. I wonder why? Probably because I am WORRYING. Why do I make the choices I make? How did I get here again?

Ron. Who is Ron? A guy. A guy I met in the parking lot of my complex. Why did I give him my phone number. OH that's right, I remember now......I cant say no. I wanted to say no. Was I lonely? No I was defiantly not lonely, just puzzled at why someone would want a fat girl with all these kids phone number. So I give him my number and like he said he would do (that's actually the last thing he would actually live up to) he called me. He told me all kinds of things that I wanted to hear. Why am I so trusting? Oh, I remember now, for some reason I don't think there are bad people in the world. Stupid girl.

Lies are all Ron told me. He never did a thing for me except get me here in this hospital waiting to see if the child inside me is still alive. I am nine weeks now. I have four kids at home and I am nine weeks pregnant. How did I get here? The doctor said the baby looks fine, but there is no explanation for my bleeding. What does that mean? Never in my four previous, and successful pregnancies did I ever bleed. Part of me wanted to hear that I had lost the baby. Isn't that terrible? I feel like a terrible person. I willingly had sex with a man who promised me the moon. Who told me that the only thing he wanted was to have a baby with me. I didn't want another baby. Why did I agree to that? Oh, I remember, I'm a people pleaser and I cant say no.

So now I wait. I have a bit of blood every day. Not a lot, just a little. Oh how I wish I could turn back time.

Ron decided to sleep around with his secretary. I decided that he needed to be out of my life. So I wait.