Thursday, July 15, 2010


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Two failed marriages, five children, one adoption, a slew of broken relationships (sigh). I don't want to screw up again.

Yesterday in the grocery store a man was staring at me. I was in line waiting to pay for my groceries and he offered to unload them for me. It caught me by surprise. I quickly but nicely told him no thank you but it got me thinking.

I see a pattern in my life. I get married, have a baby, get fat, get divorced, get skinny again, find a man, get hurt, and am left alone all over again. I'm at the getting skinny part again and I'm noticing that men are paying attention to me and I'm sort of thrown for a loop.

Am I ready? It still seems to soon to start dating again. Its been almost two years since I even considered dating or have dated. I really really really made the wrong choices with Ron Ty's birth dad. I trusted him, I believed him, because he seemed believable. How do I know the difference between a liar and a genuinely good guy?

I don't know what to do. I don't want to ward off men for the rest of my life but I just don't trust myself. I don't have a good track record for picking good guys. Wow, how many times can I say the word "don't" in a paragraph. LOL

I feel lost in this area. Does anyone have a good book that could set some rules for me? I know that sounds silly but I really can not afford to mess up again.


Courtney said...

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Clound and john Townsend is a good book. Actually they have a series of books. Another is Changes that Heal:How to Understand Your Past to Ensure a Healthier Future, and Safe People: How to find Relationships that are Good for you and Avoid those that arent. They also have a parenting book too (only mentioning this because it sounds like you have had a frustrating year) but its called Boundaries with kids: When to say Yes, when to say No, to help your children gain control of their lives. All these books are avalible on
They are all awesome books by the way.

Annjeri said...

One thing I have noticed, with a lot of my single friends and then a bunch of my marries friends, is that they had an open relationship with the men they were dating. I am not talking about "open" as in dating multiple people, but "open" as in having accountability. Having great people who surround you whom you can share with and they can speak life into you. It's really important to not be closed off to people and be open to recieving possitive criticism when needed. That way, if you are dating a man whom you are not sure is good or bad, you can have not only the Lord help you, but your friends and family if you so desire. Hope this makes sense. Love ya.

birthmom1986 said...

I have to be honest. I was friends with my current husband for years. It made it so much simpler in the aspect we already knew each other and we knew when each other was being fake.

joven said...

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joven said...

beautiful blog..pls visit mine and be a follower.. thanks and God bless..

joven said...

beautiful blog..pls visit mine to,and be a follower..thanks and God bless..

Lynn said...

Don't date. Just wait until your kids are older. They need you now.

birthMOM said...

The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right
by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

Matt and Heather said...

Love your blog Rebekah. I will give you the same advice I give my friends in similar os OK to date but TAKE IT SLOW--be friends first--get to know the real person, let him sweep you off of your feet and if he isn't worthy, you'll figure it out before you're too deeply involved and.....don't put all of your eggs in one basket :)

K said...

You are a precious lady and I know some of the choices you've had to make, in trying to do what's best for your kids, have been heartbreaking. God bless you.

That being said, I agree with Lynn. Don't date. Your kiddos need you now. Wait until they're on their own and any choices you make belong only to you.

Perfection in my Imperfection said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Perfection in my Imperfection said...

I would suggest Dr. Harley's books and website.

Great books for those married or not because it gives such great advice.

I have read His Needs Her Needs, and a few others. Great books sound advice.

Additional I love the book called The Five Love Languages by Gary D Chapman.

(I am a reader from TLOL)