Friday, July 23, 2010

Work and other things...

I got a call (finally) from the unemployment office today. They state that the Orthodontist office I worked for has loads of documentation that I was warned and warned of my mistakes from nearly the first week I worked there. The man said that he understands my point of view but because I do not have documentation of my allegations then I will probably be denied unemployment. I had no chance from the beginning. They started giving me reviews and warnings from nearly the second week I worked there. I don't know why they hired me.

I'm very thankful for the job I have now. I just completed my first full week. My hours are four days of ten hours. Its very tiring but well worth the three day weekend. The people there are so nice and they give so much grace to me. I was literally thrown into the position. I am now receiving deeper training but I feel like the training I received at the Ortho office has really helped.

I did make my first mistake of sharing my adoption story with someone. She is one of my co-workers at my current job. She seemed to really like me and would talk to me a lot. In one of our conversations I mentioned that I had a fifth child but that I didn't keep him...but instead gave him up for adoption. Her response to me was "You know, its really none of my business."

That really threw me for a loop. People truly do not understand and are not accepting of my life. I have learned my lesson once again that I should not share my life with anyone at work. I'm confident that she will keep that information private but I will not confide in her. It makes me sad.

Whats wrong with my life? The Bible tells us to "bear one anthers burden's." Now of course I am not burdening her so maybe that does not apply, and she is a Christian but maybe because my life is so complex its just hard for others to hear?

I'm forgiven for what wrong I did. I hardly think about it now. Instead, I sit back and watch my little boy grow, and laugh, and I watch his parents hearts beat a little stronger because of the new love in their lives. So much joy....heartache left behind....time to move forward. I wish others felt the same way.

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Thank you all for your prayers. My dad is doing fine and has been diagnosed with vertigo. Far far cry from a stroke or heart attack. Thank you Jesus!!!!

13 comments:

mak'n Changes said...

Im glad to hear about your dad... and because i've worked in an office setting before and have seen first hand the mean spirited greediness that comes when employers dont want to pay out unemployment, I can imagine what you are going thru... Its pretty clear that you are not the first person in their office that this has happened too... clearly they have perfected their ways of working things so they dont have to pay out.....sorry you were miss treated by them.....I know you and I know your heart, its hard to come from a life of trusting so easily and freely and then be slapped in the face with the greedy reality of humanity....
The thing is Becky, you are Gods kid,, and you were mistreated by another "supossedly" child of God.....God has your back... just sit back and watch.... in a year from now you will look back and see how "hooked up" you got because of Gods favor over you and because He saw the way you were mistreated. Just wait,, you are gonna be pleasantly surprised, it will be SO obvious,, His favor.
And dont worry about your co-worker,,,just move on with the wisdom you gained from sharing something too precious for her to handle... I love you so much bek! You just dont even know....
CINDIE

Bestdayever said...

It's not a good idea to tell someone you don't know that you gave your youngest child away. Especially not at your workplace, you make yourself vulnerable doing that plus it's not professional.

Her response was non judgemental and appropriate.

Good that you landed on your feet and got another job, let go of the old one, that's in the past now.

Hope that you stopped writing personal things about your children, that was not cool when you did that.

Bug said...

Rebekah :) I'm really sorry that your coworker wasn't willing to listen to you in that moment of vulnerability. Even if she completely disagreed with your decesion, or just was a private person and not "ready" for personal information, she could have handled it better. That said, I'm glad she said only what she did, and didn't attack you like some of your readers have done. I cannot imagine giving up my child, but I admire your courage in doing what you felt best for your son, and I am so glad that his parents love the Lord, and love you! *hugs*

Speaking of people saying what they should not, BestDayEver, you're out of line. The coworker's response may have been "non-judgmental", but "appropriate" isn't something I think you should be judging, considering your own judgemental attitude in your comment. Rebekah sharing that she has children, WHEREVER they may be, is not unprofessional! Yes, she opened herself up for potential hurt, sadly justified by the woman's disinterest and yes, judgement, however gently delivered. Are you seriously implying that your coworkers don't know whether or not you have kids, or any other non-work-related information about your life? If so, and if that works for you, fine. But you would be a very unusual individual. Additionally, while letting go of the past is healthy, when you are hurt and wronged, it is HEALTHY to work through those feelings, and not just sweep them under the rug. If Rebekah chooses to voice her feelings on HER BLOG, that is her right - you have the right to go away and read something else if you don't like it. And to harp on her for writing about her kids...what I want to ask ALL of you guys who keep bitching about this issue is this: do you feel the same way about all those family shows on TV? "18 Kids and Counting", "John & Kate Plus Eight", and all those spouse swapping shows?? Because those are MUCH more invasive into the lives of children than this blog, or most others like it. Get a grip, man!

Bug said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
loveyoualready said...

Hi Rebekah, I haven't commented before but have read your blog for the past few months and enjoy following your posts.

I just wanted to say that you - and only you - should decide whether you are comfortable sharing personal details about your life, and you should never feel bad for doing so.

In my experience (and I am a very private person) I find that when you do selectively decide to share a piece of you, it is like a test for the person receiving it. Some will pass that test by being supportive and understanding - they may even become special confidantes you can turn to because you discover a special connection; others will "fail" the test, not because they are terrible people, but simply because they can't relate and have nothing to offer up because it's a place they've never visited or even thought of in their own lives. It took me a LONG time to accept this about people but it's just the way it is.

But I do want to respectfully suggest one simple thing - a subtle language shift you might want to consider that I believe will vastly change the way people view your story.

I would love for you to tell others that you chose an adoption plan for your fifth child, and that you have an open adoption that fills your heart with great joy, because while you aren't parenting, you still get to watch him grow and develop.

As a newly adoptive mom, I have a real problem with any talk of "giving him/her up"...especially in loving, open adoption arrangements such as ours...and YOURS.

In my opinion, you didn't "give up" Tyrus. He is still very much a part of your life.

You did not "give up" anything. Instead, you made an important decision to give him more and it is obvious you love him just as much today as you did when you placed him in Rebekah and Ben's arms.

My wish for you is that by using positive adoption language such as this, you will be given the respect you deserve when you choose to share your story.

Giantspeedbump

Cksbyrne said...

I'd just like to say that you do not NEED forgiveness. You didn't give you baby up for adoption because you didn't care about him or love him. THAT is WHY you gave him up.
You made the ultimate sacrifice for him BECAUSE you love him. No forgiveness is needed!

Rebekah said...

Rebekah, I wouldn't be hard on yourself. It's a pretty weight piece of information to hear and maybe the girl just didn't know what to do with it. As she gets to know you, she'll understand more and may even ask about it again. You have a natural gift with people.

Not only are you open and honest with your life, you have a natural joy that infects everyone around you. Don't hide who you are just because people respond adversely.

The girl could have read you wrong and maybe said what she did because she didn't want you to feel you owed her explanation.

Keep being you and be confident in the way God has designed you. Your love of people and zest for life is refreshing and much needed in such a dark, depressed world.

Love you!

webkinzfan said...

Hey Rebekah-
I feel bad for you. I personally would have felt honored if anyone- coworker, friend, whoever- had confided to me that they "gave up" a child for adoption. I have a new fried who has recently separated from her husband and had endured years of emotional and phycological abuse. I feel honored that she feels comfortable enough to share some really painful and deeply personal things with me. She- like you- is my sister in Christ and I feel that I am- in a way- sharing her burdens with her and I wish I could be your friend and share your life- the ups and the downs- like real friends do- with you!!
I think maybe your coworker just felt uncomfortable with that type of personal information- especially since you haven't known each other very long. I believe- and I think those who know me best would agree- that I am a good listener and that I am a very empathetic and compassisonate person. I tend to weep with those who weep and rejoyce with those who rejoyce. I do not shy away from sharing the burdens of others.
However- bering others burdens comes with a price. I internalize them and feel them deeply. I spend lots of time in prayer for those whose burdens I bear and at times I worry about my huring friends and quite often I cry for them and sometimes with them. At times I feel down because of the weight of these heavy emotons. And I am glad to do this because I feel like I am making an investment in my friend's life and in the end I feel good that I've shared the burden with them. Maybe your coworker is afreaid if she listens to your story she will feel sad and she is unwilling to pay that price. Maybe she has no previous experience with adoption and feels uncomfortable with it. You do have the right to share your experince as a birth mom with any one you choose to share it with. How they respond says alot about them- not about you. Like I said before- you are my sister in Christ. I love you even though we've never met in person. Thanks for sharing your journey with your readers in thiis blog. I am honored to be able to share your journey with you! HUGS for you, Rebekah Tracy

webkinzfan said...

I couldn't stop thinking about this post. I think that Rebekah is right. Your coworker probablly was probablly saying in a way that she didn't want you to feel obligated to give her details about your adoption story. I thought about how I would feel if I had shared something deeply personal like this and gotten the response you got. I think that my feelings would have been hurt. I think it would have felt like an emotional "slap in the face". is that how you felt? HOWEVER- I truely doubt that your coworker ment to offend or hurt you. I also thought about how I hope I would have or will respond if someone shared with me that they had a child and relinquished him/her for adoption. I think "That must have been very difficult" would be appropriate.
That's how I believe I'd respond today as a 44 year old woman. My guess is that your coworker is younger than that. I don't really know how I would have responed as a 25 or 30 year old. I don't believe I've ever said "That's none of my business," though in response to someone sharing something personal with me. I'm sorry that you had this troubleing exchange. I do believe that some people will appreciate your openness and honesty. Unfortunatly this woman is not one of them! HUGS, R. I love this blog and hope you will post another entry soon. Tracy

Jamie said...

Thats funny because I was adopted and I have told classmates my story and they have responded the same way. Most find it interesting as it has many twists and turns, but I've gotten the "This is none of my business response as well." I was adopted! I find my story too overwhelming for most, so I do a LOT less telling of it now, but its who I am. I forget some people are more private. Remember we are in BLOGLAND where nothing is private. Lots of time society doesn't see it that way. Personally, I think your story is neat. Its a path I wish more women would take. Its not easy, but yes, you made one couple VERY VERY happy and healed a very painful wound. While you will have scars I think your positive relationship with Rebekah will help greatly.

Jamie said...

Thats funny because I was adopted and I have told classmates my story and they have responded the same way. Most find it interesting as it has many twists and turns, but I've gotten the "This is none of my business response as well." I was adopted! I find my story too overwhelming for most, so I do a LOT less telling of it now, but its who I am. I forget some people are more private. Remember we are in BLOGLAND where nothing is private. Lots of time society doesn't see it that way. Personally, I think your story is neat. Its a path I wish more women would take. Its not easy, but yes, you made one couple VERY VERY happy and healed a very painful wound. While you will have scars I think your positive relationship with Rebekah will help greatly.

webkinzfan said...

I, like Jamie am adopted. I have shared this fact with numerous people and I do not ever remember getting that response. I think adoption (always closed adoption) was more common back in the 1960's than it is now. I believe my birth mom has some scars from her experience. I had some questions about what it would have been like to be raised by her, but I now believe that she made the right decision. I also know that adopting me and my younger brother- different birth parentts- made my adoptive parents very happy. I love all of my famly- adoptive and biological.

Karen - Mommy to four sweeties said...

I wouldn't have known what to say either. I would have been worried that I would say the wrong thing and make you sad.

Hang in there. I am so happy that you were able to find a job so soon.