Life is pretty steady right now. I have a constant schedule that pretty much stays the same every week. Work is tiring but very rewarding and my weight loss....well, I'm still a "looser," but it is taking more time then I imagined to get to my goal weight. 125 down, 44 to go!
I'm looking forward to Summer. Even though I cant eat most of the food at BBQ's, its the smell of the grill and the company of good friends that gets me going.
I'm not a very calm person as far as my emotions go. Outwardly, if you were to know me in person, you couldn't imagine that to be true, but inwardly I'm a constant worrier. I worry mostly about my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together nine months now. Ive spent the majority of those months driving myself crazy thinking that he was going to break up with me or cheat on me, or top loving me, or not want to marry me someday. Its a constant, persistent, and exhausting mind battle that I put myself through. It takes away my joy and it takes away from my life. My boyfriend is a wonderful man and he treats me very respectably. We have some issues, but I think its because we both have baggage from our past relationships and we also are single parents. Put those two things together and it makes any relationship challenging. My mind battles are certainly just that.....MINE. The boyfriend isn't causing them...its simply my insecurities.
I'm in a better place lately. Something in the last two weeks has changed me. I am very far from being the "inward" worrier...but I decided that if the boyfriend wants to be with me then he will. I also decided that if the boyfriend wants to cheat on me....then he will...and there truly isn't anything I can do about either one of those things. My whole life I have only been treated horribly by men, so In my silly mind Its hard to get used to actually being treated like I'm an equal...like I matter....like what I say counts. Its very hard to retrain a warped and damaged heart. But I'm trying.....