My birthday

Yesterday I turned 36. I worked all day and went home to a home cooked meal that my mom brought over. I am so thankful that my mom was so thoughtful of my schdule and didnt want me to have to cook. Thanks mom!!

I did work all day (ten hours), but received many wonderful surprises while I was working. My mom brought me a very beautiful fall flower arrangment, my best friend also brought me flowers and this wonderful painting (that she did herself). Isnt it beautiful?

Rebekah and Ben and Ty sent me an Etible Arrangments....which is so yummy!! It was the first time I had received one of those so that was really fun.

I also was sent a video from our sweet Ty. Its always so much fun to see him on video since we live so far from each other. This video was different as I imagine all the future videos will be because he is growing so fast and talking more and more. I felt so blessed while watching it because Ty calls me his "first mom." Now no two and a half year old would naturally know that he has two moms or that he was adopted...but this one knows...and seems to know it so naturally that his very special story just flows off his tongue. The reason that little Ty knows his story so well at such an early age is because his parents tell him his story all the time. They want him to know where he came from. I can claim no credit for what this little boy knows, I can only say that I grew him in my belly and gave him a chance at a very loving productive life....I hold his beginnings...Rebekah and Ben hold his future and ultimately God holds him in His hands. Ty's parents keep me alive in Ty's life. Its obvious they talk about me all the time. He remembers me from when I went to visit...I couldn't ask for more. I wanted to post this video here but I couldnt figure out how. It is so incredibly sweet.

Thank you sweet Ty for my birthday video. I love you very much!!!!!

Everything is fine

Hello everyone! I must make this short but I wanted to check in. Things are going well. The kids are all doing great. Im doing wonderful and am dating a very very nice man. We have been dating for a little over a month now. Im very happy.

My weight loss as it stands is 202-203 depending on the day and that is a grand total of 117 pounds lost. GO ME!!!!!! Im in a size 14 pants and I can wear a size Large shirt in womens. Im feeling good.

I know many of you read Rebekah's blog. One of the main reasons Im posting this is because I have received many texts and comments from people that are worried about my son because Rebekah voiced some concerns about one of "Ty's older sibling (brothers)" that is having a hard time. I assure you that it is not one of my boys. Ty has brothers from my kids and his birth father kids and it is unfortunatly on the birth fathers side. Of course the situation is very sad and so if you are the praying type please pray for this boy as he needs it.

Blogging has certainly taken a back seat since I have sent the girls to their dads and started dating. It is a new chapter in my life but I am certain I will be back at it soon as I have so much to share.

For now I am enjoying the upcoming Fall that I feel in the air, and life is pretty good.

Until next time,
Rebekah

My visit to see Tyrus...

I know how long overdue this is. Its funny how life can just fly by and I notice that I feel like I am so busy that I don't take the time to do the things that used to bring me so much joy like reading and blogging. I miss it here!

I'm doing well. My life centers around the boys and work and loosing weight...and lately a tad bit of dating.

I did make it out to see Rebekah and Ben and Tyrus. I got more and more excited as the day approached. Care for the boys was set...time off work was scheduled and my bags were packed. The day came and what I thought was going to be a quick 4.5 hour flight to Michigan turned out to be a tear filled frustrating day. To make it short...after ALL day waiting and three different flights...I finally arrived in Michigan around midnight (a whole day wasted). I went to baggage claim to collect my bags only to find out that because of all my delays and switched flights, my bags were missing. Sometimes in life you just have to laugh...and I'm not sure me and Rebekah laughed that night but in retelling the story later we sure did. I did eventually get my bags delivered to Rebekah's house...but not until the night before I left. Nice hugh? LOL

What mattered most was that I made it there. What mattered most was the amazing moments I had with this wonderful family.

I bought Ty an airplane at the airport while I was waiting. He loved it. It made take off noises and I found that I could make him laugh if I made it fly across the coffee table and crash onto the floor. I think I did that for him 100 times.

We went to a dairy farm. Ty couldn't say Rebekah. It came out more like Helga. I laughed and giggled every time he called me Helga. It didn't bother me at all. Every time we were in the car I could hear him behind me from the back seat say "HHHEEEELLLLGGAAAA," in his sweet almost two year old voice. He would call me and call me until I would look back and make a funny face at him.

It was cold and rainy that day, but we didn't care. Ben had to work so it was Rebekah me and Ty...staying warm...smiling a lot.

This fountain was beautiful. We were able to get someone to take our picture.

We had a big family get together so everyone could meet me and I could meet them. All these people who sent me cards and gifts and well wishes I could finally meet in person. It was such a wonderful time. The lost day meant nothing at this point...we were all laughter and giggles.

The last evening came. It was time for Ty to say goodnight. I must have read him eight books in his room....just he and I. Rebekah and Ben didn't come in the room...they just left us alone. It was a gift to me and one I wont forget.

Saying good night for the last time.
I wondered if he would get up the next morning and yell HELGA down the stairs as he had the past morning only to realize I was gone....and that made me sad.
Sweet kisses, from this sweet boy!
It was a wonderful trip. Rebekah and Ben treated me like family....because we are family. I was never uncomfortable, never felt awkward, just loved. We didn't cry except when we were reminiscing about the beginning of Ty's life. It wasn't as hard as I thought to say goodbye because I knew I would see him again...although today as I type this I am holding back the tears....I miss them all so much!!

Before I left Rebekah said to me "When can you come back?" I'm so blessed!!!

Questions and answers...

This is questions and answers by Rebekah and Rebekah...enjoy!!!!

quite an adventure!

I'm on my way to see Ty. My adventure started out at five oclock this morning and is far from being over. Lets just say that when you are sitting in an airport getting ready to board but the plane has not arrived and you hear the lady behind the front counter say "I think we are going to need more cookies," there is something very wrong. More to come......

Rose

Ok, point taken. Thanks!

Comes with the territory!

I remember when I was pregnant with Skyler and had just made the choice to leave his dad. At only three months pregnant with three other little ones tagging along I was scared to death. I couldn't believe that I was about to start from scratch yet again. It seems to be a pattern in my life...one that I don't like repeating.

When Skyler was born I had pretty much lost touch with his dad. I spoke to him one last time when Sky was about three weeks old. We had to talk about the divorce and taxes and things like that. The conversation was short and I could tell he was mad at me. He made it clear that I was in the wrong and that I should never have left him. The last thing he said to me was "I hope nothing bad happens to him. You made a bad choice and I just hope nothin bad happens to him." I had heard this man say things like this about other people that he was mad at. He on several occasions wished people bad luck or death or he would threaten to put nails in peoples tires. He would voice his ill wishes towards people and the anger that spilled off of his lips was enough to make me hurl. I had heard him talk like this a lot but I had never imagined that he would wish his own son ill will. His words towards our son ring in my ears often.

Skyler has never met his dad. I have sent pictures only to have them returned. I don't have his phone number or address. Skyler is fatherless, and has been since birth.

Life has been really hard for Skyler. His behavior at school shows it. Somehow between birthing him and raising him to five years old I have failed in some way. At least that is how I feel. He is five years and three months old. He can say his ABC's, count over twenty in English and count to about fifteen in Spanish. He knows left and right and can ride a bike without training wheels. These are just a few of the things about him I love...but mostly...he is so loving and constantly tells me "mom...I love you so much." But the problem is he wont sit in time out at school or be still in circle time or story time. He has a fit when they try to put him in time out and I cant figure out what is going on with my kid. Is it because he doesn't have a father? Is it because I have been so distracted with the girls and their issues or getting pregnant and the adoption or finding a job and loosing it just to start another one.....and maybe he fell through the cracks? What is it? What have I done wrong? What could I have done different?

Thoughts run through my head all day long. It makes me mad. I should have still been married and a stay at home mom and then my children would have received all the time and attention they deserved. My son shouldn't be in daycare being cared for by strangers that he cant relate to. I shouldn't be away from my five year old for eleven hours a day. Its not right...its not natural for me...yet...its life. I didn't plan for this. I feel responsible. I feel like I'm being punished for the wrong choices I made although I know in my heart that its really just consequences for bad choices made...but it still don't make it fare for my fatherless child.

I just want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The future again seems uncertain. I work at a daycare center but because of Skyler's behavior they lovingly asked me to find another place for him to attend. In compliance and because I adore my job, I did as they asked. He starts at the new center on Friday. I have tomorrow off and I will be loving on my son and spending as much time as I can with him. Come Friday, he will start yet again a new adventure. Because he wont be coming to work with me anymore, his time at the center will be extended about forty minutes because of my travel time. That's eleven hours and forty minutes a day at a daycare center with strangers watching him. I'm so incredibly sad I cant stop crying.

I put on a pretty face and smile big though. Nobody needs a cry baby, and God knows that it isn't fun to deal with a sad person...so down it goes. Sometimes I get so lonely although I'm never alone with my two precious boys. Its such a huge responsibility to raise children with two parents let alone one. Again I lean on God. I lean on his promises that "He will be the father to the Fatherless." My son needs that. I know this season of our lives will pass and we will survive...but the surviving part is excruciating. Sometimes I feel I will break in two and that I'm only being held together by small strings. The joy of the Lord is my strength...the joy of the Lord is my strength. I need your strength Lord.