Sunday, February 13, 2011

Early morning thoughts.

Ive never been one to like sleeping to much. I sleep because I have to but even in my sleep I long to get up and start a new day. No matter what the day, I always wake up at 5:00am. I love the mornings. I tip toe around the house trying not to wake the kids while I brew my coffee and enjoy the silence. Its my favorite part of the day.

Wednesday was officially one year since Tyrus was legally adopted. That day was such a happy day for everyone. We always knew that Ty was part of Ben and Rebekah's family the moment I decided on adoption, but this just put a little cherry on the Sunday (if you know what I mean). So we celebrate one year of our families coming together. The looks of happiness and tears of joy I see on Rebekah and Ben's faces are priceless to me. Every moment I see their faces reminds me of the choice I made and I don't regret it. You cant go back and change the past...I cant make the sadness always disappear, but I can soak in the joy that Ty always brings. I do get sad, but not for long...after all....there is still Skype. (wink)

I miss my girls desperately. If I think about it to much I cant stop from crying. I am really good at suppressing emotions. If I let my mind wonder to what has been lost then my heart sinks so far down into dispare that I have to look up and start talking to God to bring me back. Dispare is such a trap. You have to be so careful not to stay in that emotion to long or it will destroy you. I have to remember the reasons I let the girls go, they are happy, well taken care of, and I have not truly lost them...its just distance. I did have a really fun time making them Valentines packages. I don't have a boyfriend...but I do have four little valentines in my life. I'm so blessed!!!!

I'm moving...again (sigh). With the girls gone I don't need such a large place so I am downsizing. Pictures and bragging rights to come....because...Im finally getting my hard wood floors. I couldn't be more excited!!!

Well, before the little ones wake up, I'm going to go make some coffee!!

1 comment:

Rebekah said...

Apparently, I haven't read blogs in weeks, because I had TWO of yours to catch up on! You are such a beautiful person inside out and the example of you taking on OUR joy to compensate for YOUR pain, reveals the depths of your love for Ty.

I hate that you're experiencing pain separation again in your family. But, you are one of the strongest women I know. I know that God will continue to guide you and sure your steps.

We love you so very much...