Tuesday, March 10, 2015

I regret nothing....

I ran across this picture today while rummaging through my things in the shed. The memories of it brought me to tears. I was literally feeling weak in the knees.

This picture is of me in 2009. I am holding my newborn son and I am about to say good bye to him as his mom and dad take him home to Michigan. He is my fifth born son and I had chose not to parent him. Life had gotten the best of me and I could no longer control it. I weighed 319 pounds and I was a single mom to four other small children. The pain I felt in this moment was unbearable. My chin was quivering and I was trying to keep myself from falling apart. I kept looking at his feet and rubbing his legs...they were so perfect.

One memory I have in this moment was being very thankful to the couple I had chosen to parent my son. By giving them my sweet boy meant a great burden was taken from me. My life was falling in around me and I didn't want my new son to be sucked into it. I was grateful he wouldn't have to be part of my dysfunction.

Its hard to look back and remember these things but I am grateful to have the memories and the pictures. It shows me how far I have come. Its is seriously by Gods grace that I have any life at all.

I regret nothing as long as I have learned from it.

I regret nothing as long as I can help others with what I have learned.


birthmothertalks said...

Isn't something how a picture can bring back a memory so strong like that? I am happy for you that you have a relationshop with your son's parents. It's very different from the time when my son was placed for adoption. I did get to meet my daughter's parents but I only got a little friendly hello and goodbye and not a whole lot in between.. and no one mentioned who I was to my daughter.

MissouriMom said...

You ma'am are such a beautiful person!!

.: Shana Christine :. said...

I am so glad I came across your blog. I'm a single mom to 3 children, 19, 15, and 8. I've been doing this single mom thing for a LONG time. I'm now 7 months pregnant, and have made the heart wrenching decision to place this baby for adoption. I'm not finding a lot of stories from women who had other children, then decided to place a later child. Thank you for sharing your journey. I needed to see this.

PS: I don't know if you were blogging at the beginning of this journey, but if you were I would love to read those posts. Is there a link?

Rebekah said...

Shana Christine, Thank you for reaching out. If you need to talk or have any questions please email me at RebekahB1975@yahoo.com. And yes you can start at the beginning of my blog here: https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2742513755380604219#editor/target=post;postID=4892936809201862925;onPublishedMenu=allposts;onClosedMenu=allposts;postNum=386;src=postname