A gift? Did I give Ty as a gift? Did Rebekah send me all those Christmas gifts to be boastful and brag about her (as someone else put it) "perfect little life"?
Weird questions hugh? Let me put my thoughts to those questions. Why? Because it seems that there is so much judgment out there in the blog world that I just have to put my two cents in.....because its my blog and I need to get it off my chest.
Was Ty a gift to Rebekah and Ben? Honestly....no!! He was not a gift that I packaged up with a pretty little bow and gave as a present. He is a baby....a person....a sweet soul...but never a gift that I gave......but....that only describes my side of it. My relinquishment of Ty was something that I felt I had to do....but in the process of it all the word "gift" would come into play quite often. Discouragement was a constant before I found Rebekah and Ben. I really thought that I would never find acceptable parents for my baby. Every profile I looked at looked the same...said the same thing...nothing special...I almost gave up. When I found Rebekah and Ben through R's blog....I certainly felt that I had been given a gift....the gift of finding two people that I felt deserved the title and the job of being my sons parents. So no...I did not give Ty as a gift...but I received a gift in the form of Rebekah and Ben. In turn, my relinquishment of Ty to R and B (in their eyes) was a gift. And I just have to say this. If Rebekah and Ben want to refer to Ty as a gift...then so be it...because truly...to them...HE IS A GIFT FROM GOD, NOT FROM ME...FROM GOD and I agree with this 100 percent!!! Does that make sense?
There are so many people out there that are being judgmental and mean...and its all over stupid words. WHO THE HECK CARES if adoptive parents want to refer to their precious children as gifts? I'm the one who gave him up...I'm the one who decided not to parent. Certainly a certain level of respect should be had as far as birth mothers feelings. Everyone knows how fragile a birth mom can be even YEARS after her relinquishment...but goodness gracious do we have to be so petty over words like "gift." Gifts are good...and the Bible says "Every good and perfect gift is from above." That makes my heart happy. I could never take credit for Ty's life...I didn't create him or make him...yes I chose to bring him into this world but that's about it...and that's not much. All credit goes to God and if anyone reads Rebekah's blog...she ALWAYS gives credit to God...the giver of life...and the creator of Ty.
Sheesh!!!!!! I just get so mad when someone so beautiful inside and out gets battered and disrespected.
Did Rebekah send me all those gifts and then post them on her blog to brag and take all the credit?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!!! Rebekah and Ben didn't buy a single gift for little Ty because they wanted to use all their resources for me and my kids. They don't owe me anything....not a phone call...email....or penny....yet they continue to bless me and my kids...and invite us into their lives with open arms. I could care less what other people think about Rebekah motives. Never ever ever ever did I think that she was ever boasting or bragging by posting it on her blog. She shares things with the blog world because she considers her readers friends. In fact....when another blog reader COMPLETELY TRASHES HER on their blog...she comments on it and apologizes for hurting any ones feelings. It leaves me to believe that what we are dealing with is another very hurt birth mother.
The bottom line is...I am not hung up on silly little things like words. I know my sweet Rebekah's heart. I know that what she and Ben did for us this Christmas was done with the utmost grace and love.
This was said by another birth mother and consequently the one who is trashing Rebekah..."Women like me often don't have a voice at all. It is difficult for anyone to know how women who have relinquished really feel because nobody really wants to hear any of that." This really frustrates me. Sure, maybe WAY back when adoptions were completely closed and birth mothers were ignored and pushed to the side...but times have changed. Never in my whole "birth mother" experience have I ever been pushed to the side or ignored. We live in such a different world now. No longer are us "birthmothers" tossed to the side as just the person who gave birth to a baby....people WANT to hear what we have to say...WE MOST CERTAINLY HAVE A VOICE...and for once people are actually listening to us. Unless you are a hermit crab in your house and have absolutly NO means of reaching out....there is help. Bithmothers are held in high regard these days...its because people are discovering the importance of keeping in contact with the birth mother for the child sake. Come on now.....am I making sense here?
I am not a great writer like Rebekah. She is a great swooner with her words. She can move a person to tears or laughter in a moment....she has a great gift of writing. Ill tell you now...when her book comes out...and it will some day...it will provide a great window to open adoption for many people. I will be first in line to buy one...or ten.