Monday, December 15, 2008

Im thinking.......adoption!!!

Ive thought about this possibility before. At first I thought it was not even a possibility but given my present circumstances I really don't think I could handle or manage another baby. I don't think that this means that I am a horrible person or that I would love my baby, but I think it means that I know my limits.

I talked to the sperm don er today. I was so angry with him. I cant understand how you could willingly have unprotected sex with someone and then just walk out like that. Its so irresponsible. I would have gladly dedicated myself to him and we could have done this together...but now I find myself really in a bad bad position. I already have four kids. I have four kids that keep me very busy, to put one more in the mix would be so hard. Emotionally I just don't know if I could offer what it would take. I have family here but they cant help me like a husband would. I am already on welfare and trying to do the best I can. OK, now I feel really selfish. I am the one who chose to have sex...I knew what I was doing. I don't believe in abortion and I read about all these wonderful families that are just waiting for there miracles. Is God telling me something? Am I going to be part of a miracle? I truly hope so.

So here I am today, at almost twelve weeks, thinking about adoption. I just have so many questions. If I decide on this then I would most certainly want to try and pick a couple that could go through the pregnancy with me as soon as possible. Can the dad sign his rights away before the baby is born or after? How does this all work because this little babies sperm doner is such a lire. I couldn't believe a word he tells me, so why would I want to get a couple involved thinking they were going to adopt this baby and then when it happens the sperm doner steps in and runes everything. What can I do?


Kriss said...

OH Rebecca, your heart must really be tormoiled right now. Adoption is such a blessing. Although something you really NEED to think about before making any rash decisions. I am not sure Colorado law but I know in Texas Dad's can sign away their rights before the baby is born. If your serious I know there are lots of people who would love to love your baby. I can't even imagine the position your in right now. I just want to reach through the screen and hug you. My advice is if you decide to do it, make sure you contact a reputitible adoption agency. One who has your best interest at heart. Maybe you could work out an open adoption, more people are open to that now a days. Oh hugs, I feel like I am rambling but I just feel for you.

Amber D. said...

You really were part of a miracle!

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog and I want to tell you how wonderful you are! I know your story now and I know you have placed your baby for adoption and I want to tell you how much I admire you! Instead of ending your child's life, you gave him life and for that I think you are a saint! I'm in the process of going through adoption and I don't know my child's birth mom but I do have a big special place in my heart for her because she is going to give me the best gift in life, she is going to make me a mother!

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