My house is quiet. The three older kids have left to Arizona to be with their dad. Skyler fell asleep at seven. I find myself watching a lot of movies and cleaning up the house. Its so different going from four kids to one. I almost feel a little lost. My thoughts scattered. When all the kids are here there is always a pattern, something to do, times to keep, bedtimes to be made. It will take some adjustment. As soon as I am able to adjust, they will be back and the patterns start again. I miss them.
The kids leaving marks one year since I experienced one of the hardest times in my life. Looking back now it seems so surreal. It blows my mind that I actually had a baby a year ago. It does seem like ages ago, yet the memories are burned in my mind. It was the weirdest feeling to birth a baby that you know you were not going to keep. It wasn't meant to be that way, yet it was the way it is. Rebekah describes it as an "unnatural ripping." I think that describes it very well. One year has passed yet not a day goes by that I don't think about him. Time...I couldn't give him time. That's why I chose not to keep him. He deserved much more then I could give. Some people don't understand that, and that's OK. It wasn't anyone else's decision to make. I have complete peace with my decision to relinquish. Tyrus has an amazing life, a life that I will always be a part of. Maybe some day, Ill write a post on the details of my decision, how It came about, and the reasons behind it.
I thought I would answer some questions. My past three blog posts have been very controversial. I'm so glad I have such amazing readers. I especially like the ones that speak their minds, agreeing or disagreeing with me, in a respectful way. I'm not sure what good it does to be hateful and mean. It truly is pointless. Ill try to make my answers short and sweet. Please forgive me if I miss any.
"Was it not you who had sex with a man whom you were NOT married to?! Conceived a child OUT of wedlock?! Isn't that a sin in the bible as well?"
Yes I did conceive a child with a man that I was not married to. Yes it is a sin. I don't hide it, I blog openly about it. Look at where my sin got me. Not a fun place to be.
"What if one of your children is gay but because you've brainwashed them into thinking it's a sin, they live their life unfilled and unhappy? How does that make you feel as a mother, as their protector?"
That's a hard question to answer because I believe that being "gay" is a choice. I know I know, lets not get into a debate again. Ill just say that I feel I am protecting them by teaching them to love all people but to not love the lifestyle that the world has brainwashed US into believing is OK.
"So it's a sin to be gay or bisexual, but it's OK to abandon your child to strangers?"
Yes its a sin to live the lifestyle of a homosexual. No it is not a sin for me to relinquish my son to adoption, but yes it was a sin to have sex with a man I was not married to. Again, see what my sin did to me? So so sad!
"Didn't you put your own baby up for adoption because you expected he would be "brown"?"
No!
"I think if you have such a bold opinion on this topic then you have to expect to deal with the fallout. Shouldn't Christianity be about love? Tolerance? Acceptance? If one if your kids happens to be gay will you disown them and label them a sinner?"
I fully expected to hear lots of opinions when I posted about this subject. I was OK with that. Christianity is about love. We are all sinners, not one of us better than the other. If my children were to live a gay lifestyle then I would most certainly love them to pieces as I do now; however, they would be fully aware that I do not support the way they live.
"I do hope Chelsea finds her way. You really should consider birth control for her. I am not trying to be mean, I just think it is going to happen."
As I have said before, not only do I teach my children that abstinence is the best way, I also am not so naive to think that it COULD happen. My kids are very well informed as to what sex is and how to protect themselves.
"You think being gay is a sin, how does giving ONE of your kids away fare with god?"
Have you ever read the story of Moses? His mother could not care for him so she gave him to someone that could. This did not make her a bad mother, in fact, I believe she was one of the best. The Bible is clear about homosexuality. If you believe in the Bible then you can not argue that truth; however, please show me in the Bible the passage that says it was a sin to give my son to someone who could care for him better then me?
"You made a choice that was best for YOU and now YOUR kids are paying the price, esp Chelsea. Now what kind of godly person does THAT to THEIR OWN children????"
I respectfully disagree with you. I believe I made all FIVE of my children's lives better by giving Ty up for adoption.
"I also know that the Lord is good and merciful. I believe that for those who are in a homosexual relationship will not be damned to hell for whatever reason. I believe, that they will be treated mercifully - as we all will. As a good person - gay or not - how can you not believe that? Wouldn't you want to believe that?"
A sin is a sin in Gods eyes. He does not put a measure on sins. It doesn't matter if you are a "good person," being a good person will not get you into heaven. No I don't believe that living a homosexual life will damn you to hell. I do know that the Bible clearly talks about living in the grey. Either you are living for Him or you are not. God tells us in his Bible that we are not to live a luke warm life, don't live in the grey. If you are truly interested in living for God then you will stay away from things that he clearly states are not good ways to live. Yes we make mistakes (I did,and still do) but I'm not going to make excuses for what I did. I was wrong.
"I am spiritual...and yes, I've read the Bible. But that doesn't mean that I take it to be the end all, be all...I can think for myself..can and will question what I read sometimes, and I think it's sad that in this day and age, we're still having the same arguments."
I agree that we should question what we read. Heck, research who translated the Bible. Find out who wrote it and when. Look into how it was translated. For me, its all I have. Its the only tangible thing that I can rely on that I know is truth. It makes sense to me. When I stray from its words I get into trouble.
"You might want to consider being less invasive of your children's' privacy. Do you have their permission to write all these things about them for the whole world to see?"
Ummmm yes I do. I am their mother. Is their a law against that? Not to mention, I dont believe I have talked about my kids private lives at all. I do talk about certain situations that happen but not real personal stuff. In general, I talk about typical things that I know everyone who is a parent deals with. Most of my blog is about me being a mother.
Good night all!
The other Rebekah!!
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13 comments:
Thank you for answering all those questions and being so open. I agree with you on all of them.
Hope you can enjoy your one on one time with Skyler!
you know what... if people dont like how Rebekah feels about certain situations and life styles dont read her flipping blog!!! This woman is amazing, she is a single mother raising her children the best she can and is doing a good job...I too am a single mother and its hard real hard!!! LAY OFF
Great answers Rebekah!
Have a wonderful summer! Much love, hugs and prayers!
You have done a great job answering all these issues with the truth and in love. You are being bold and standing firm on the Word and that is what we are to do!
Oh hun, it's so hard for me to read that both you and Rebekah describe adoption as an "unnatural ripping." I know it must be true - who would know more than both of you? But, it's a personal struggle for me to realize that I am looking forward to a momentous day that, in all honesty, is "unnatural." How do I balance all those feelings? I NEED to feel joy, to be excited, after all I have been through. I guess I also have to leave my heart open to the sad part of adoption, too.
I also read your profile again and realized you honored your baby lost to miscarriage in it. I was touched. Since I have lost two angels, I appreciate other mommies who acknowledge those children just as much as their living children. I just wrote a whole post on miscarriage recently.
As for the rest...no comment:). Take good care of yourself during this time and I hope you can find some peace while some of your children are away.
Misty,,,,,I LOVE YOU!!!!! Back, my girl,, go ahead and back her! You are right,, Becky is AMAZING!
cindie
Faith- I totally agree with you. I do not believe adoption is an "unnatural ripping" or not in line with Gods plan but a result of living in a fallen world. I believe adoption was God's plan all along as a way to build families. Of course it comes with pain and loss, for all involved. But it is a beautiful thing as well. Rebekah did not give away or abandon her baby...and those that have said that are just cruel. She chose a life for him that she could not give and there is nothing more selfless. So I say to you, celebrate and revel in the joy that new life brings you. In our joy we can still have sorrow for, and a deep respect for our children's first moms. Our joy does not take away from their grief. I believe life is about joy and grief mingled together. It means we are alive, it means we feel. And in that so many wonderful things can be experienced.
You don't owe anyone these answers. If they don't like what they are reading, there are many other blogs on the internet to read. I don't understand the mean-spiritedness. I don't agree with all of your opinions, but I enjoy reading your blog and think you're doing the best you can. Hang in there, hun! I support you.
I agree with mom of four, you don't owe anyone these answers. You are allowed to have an opinion even if it is one that others may not agree with. Nothing you said was wrong, you were simply stating your beliefs.
Placing your son for adoption is not a sin. You put his needs before your own. I loved how you justified that with the story of Moses. Beautifuly stated.
The only reason that Moses was surrendered was to save his life..literally..from the Pharoah. And when he grew up and realized that he had not grown up with his "brethren" he went back to "his people".
Rebekah,
Thank you for sharing your heart so honestly. I think the other Rebekah described what you're feeling quite well in calling it an "unnatural ripping." I love and am a huge supporter of adoption, but I also firmly believe that in a perfect world (pre-fall) children would be born into a loving two-parent (mother and father) family with parents who are able (emotionally, financially, physically, etc.) to raise them. Mothers would not have to make the painful decision to allow someone else to raise their child because they know they cannot give that child what he or she needs. Children would not have to deal with the painful reality that their mother, who loved them very much, was not able to raise them. So in that sense, giving your child to someone else to raise does cause an "unnatural ripping." I think people try to deny that far to often, but you're living that reality and have every right to feel those feelings.
The good news is that our God is a God of restoration and redemption, and I believe that adoption is one of the most beautiful displays of how God can take a painful, messy situation and turn it into something beautiful! Your story is such a beautiful example of that! Though there is great pain, both for you in giving up your child and for Rebekah and Ben in not being able to birth their own children, your lives have come together in a way that blesses both them, you, and Tyrus, and that is such a beautiful thing!
Blessings to you!
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