Doctors appointment!

My doctors appointment went good. This is a high risk pregnancy because of my pre-eclampsia, so baby boy will be photographed a lot. I have another ultrasound in three weeks AND I had to press for that because she wanted me back in two weeks. She said she would let me come back in three weeks instead of two because Ive been on good behavior. (grin) But if I didn't come back I was in big trouble. I love my doctor, shes a kick.

Not much new to report. Baby boy is growing well, although they don't know why I measure a little big because everything seems fine. Oh, and they gave me the paperwork to get the one our glucose test done. UGGGG!! I hate that test. You have to fast for several hours (bring on the nausea) drink some nasty sugar drink and then wait in the waiting room for one hour before getting your blood drawn. I have never had gestational diabetes but its still required. I don't know when I will get this test done.

Baby boy is still breach. He is also facing my spine so getting pictures is nearly impossible. Here is the one of them. If you look to the right you can see one eye socket(black circle with a little white in it) and then his nose is of course beside it. I noticed in this scan that he is a bit more scrunched up. I thought he would have plenty of room in there but I guess he is getting big.

This one is obviously his spine but I like it because if you follow his spine from right to the left you reach his head and then if you go down a bit you can see his sweet little ear. Keep in mind that this picture is of him facing the floor. He is not facing up but down.

Needless to say little guy was not about to show his face in this scan, but he was not shy about showing his boy parts. And I have to add that his boy parts are quite substantial. LOL

24.6 weeks

Today I have my ultrasound and my OB appointment. Hopefully I will have more pictures to post later.

Tuesday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcNPGWgbIbo

I don't know how to get a YouTube video over to here so I just pasted the link here. I also have this song first on my play list. This song is sung by Steven Curtis Chapman, who is a man and the song is written from his perspective. More importantly though, I think that its written from a parents perspective. Every time I listen to this song it hits home for me. This is how I feel about my kids every day. Right before Mr. Chapman wrote this song he had just attempted to give his two young daughters a bath. The two little ones kept getting out of the bathroom and running around the house wet and naked. He was getting frustrated because he had a lot of work to do in the studio and all he wanted them to do was get into bed. He got them bathed and into bed and then walked out of there room and this song was developed from that night when he realized that we only have our kids for a short time. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. This situation that Mr. Curtis wrote about is a daily occurrence for me, I remember when Chelsea was just two.......now I only have about 5-6 more years with her. That is not that much.

My kids are again gearing up to go to Arizona with there dad. They will be gone this time for a full two months. I am so happy for them to go because they need there dad and they have so much fun. But, on the other hand I miss them so bad. I always go back to the fact that they are not mine, they belong to the Lord. Here are the lyrics to the song "Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman. I have adopted this song as my own because it means so much to me and brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it. You can also click on the link above to see the video, or just listen to it on my blog player.

CINDERELLA

She spins and she sways
To whatever song plays
Without a care in the world
And I'm sitting here wearing
The weight of the world on my shoulders

It's been a long day
And there's still work to do
She's pulling at me
Saying "Dad, I need you

There's a ball at the castle
And I've been invited
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms'
Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song'
Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone...

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?

"So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms'
Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song'
Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She will be gone

Well, she came home today with a ring on her hand
Just glowing and telling us all they had planned
She says, "Dad, the wedding's still six months away
But I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms'
Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song'
Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone


Edited to say thank you to the sweet anonymous commenter that commented recently. It was a sweet comment and I read every word. Thank you!!

Not sleeping much...

The insomnia has kicked in full time. I don't feel that tired in the day time so that is very good, but the nights are so long because I just cant seem to get sleep. I remember when I was married and pregnant this would happen and I would spend most nights on the couch so I wouldn't wake him up.

I don't like to talk about money so much but this is on my mind. I run a small day care out of my home. I only watch two kids at once and this time I am blessed that they are from the same family. I take care of two sweet boys ages six months and three years old. I have watched them since the little one was six weeks old. Its a HUGE blessing for me to be home with my three year old. I do not take it lightly that I can be home with him during these short years before school.

Generally I get paid from this family every week. Since the economy has become so terrible, the father has had a hard time keeping his job. He got laid off all of December and now they have dropped his hours down to about thirty hours a week. This is not good for me because I find that if he doesn't get paid, then they do not pay me. I don't want to give a bad impression of them because they have always caught up on there payments but if it were not for my tax money in January, I would not have recovered from December. Anyway, again it happened yesterday that they said they could not pay me. I really needed the money and asked them if they could possibly pay me something instead of nothing to get me through the weekend. They then wrote me out a check for 100 and said they would pay the rest on Monday. We will see.

The issue I am having is that I don't like depending on someone else for my income. Its scary for me not knowing if I will be able to pay rent. I make enough money (if the money was coming in) to support me and the kids but I am having some serious thoughts. I am in a precarious situation now because I am pregnant (I wish I could go yell at Ron because of this). Its hard enough to get a job much less walking in with a swollen belly and asking for a job. Yeah right. LOL Ive tried that before and it doesn't work so well. So, my prayer is that my babysitting job will hold out for a few more months until I can have this baby and then possibly look for a job outside the home. It would only have to be part time but Skyler would be put in daycare. He is really close to preschool age anyway so It wouldn't be so bad. I have had three wonderful years with him. I'm so blessed for that.

I know it will all work out. I don't have a back up if cant pay my bills. That is the hard part. If worse came to worse I would have to move to Arizona and live with my mother in law(ex). That wouldn't be that great of a situation because I would have to start over again. I don't want to do that. I have worked to hard to get where I am.

When baby boy is born I plan on changing a lot of things. It will be a chance to do better and start over. I a very excited for that.

Phone calls....

I honestly hate making up titles for blog entries. I can never find anything amusing or fun to put on the title so my titles are boring. LOL

Last week I had a dream that baby boy was born and I had no way to contact Rebekah and Ben. Now I realize that if worse came to worse I could probably contact the agency but that's not very fun. I decided to give Rebekah my phone number and just let her know that it was not an obligation for her to give me hers but just an open door. I knew that it was the one thing that we were hesitant to do so I wasn't sure. I got an email back from her that she was also ready to give me her phone number and so that day we exchanged numbers. She didn't call me though but left the door open for me to call her.

So here I have her phone number for almost a week and had not called her. I am a very outgoing person but for some reason I was very nervous to call her. Not to mention I had laryngitis and I didn't want her to hear my voice like that. Well, after about two weeks of having this laryngitis I realized it was just going to hang out and at least it was better then before, but my voice is still a little lower then it usually is. Oh well, I decided to pick up the phone and call her last night. I got all the kids to bed and (in bed but they were not asleep) dialed her phone number. I was really nervous. I dial the number and hear on the other line "hello", I said "hello Rebekah?" On the other end I hear a very calm "yes this is Rebekah." I'm my mind I thought (this is the truth Rebekah) she is so calm. LOL I said "Its me Rebekah." I was laughing my head off this morning reading her blog where she said that when she saw my number pop up she was dancing around the room but managed to pull it together when she spoke. This is exactly the feeling I got when I heard her voice. SO FUNNY! I love this gal.

Anyway, we spoke for two hours last night and it was so wonderful. I cant even began to go into all we spoke about but it truly was like two old friends talking. I really felt like we clicked. It was so wonderful. I was worried because I knew she was two to three hours ahead of me and I wasn't sure if she was getting tired or not. :) It went so well. Thank you Rebekah for the wonderful phone call.

Baby boy is hopping around and doing well. I am 24 weeks now. How amazing. I'm more then half way through. Thank the good Lord. LOL I have my next ultrasound and OB appointment on Wednesday the 11th. My mom is watching Skyler and so It will be a nice calm and quiet visit.

Shout out: To my dear cousin. I love you girl. You are doing wonderful on your weight loss. I hope to join you soon. (hugs)

I know it will be hard......

I wish I didn't have such a hard time writing how I feel. You read books of all these wonderful writers that can put there feelings down on paper so eloquently. My gifts come in different forms. If I ever had to write a book then I would have to hire someone to write it for me.

I think about the end of this journey. I know it will be hard, but as weird as it may sound, it wont be hard in the way you all would think. Of course I am going to love my baby, and of course I am going to kiss him and hug him and ohhhh and ahhhh over his tiny features, but then handing him over to R and B will be the fun part. The hard part will be looking back. Looking back at the night that changed my life forever. Looking back at the decisions I have made that have taken such a toll on my body and mind. Realizing that my journey is almost over (at least this leg of it) and crying over time lost. I don't know that it is lost. One of my family members keeps asking me "the important thing is, did you learn anything?" LOL Well, that will be the hard part, I absolutely learned from it.

For me, the joy in this whole situation is helping B and R build a family. I really believe that they are my gift. They are the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that there are ladies out there that will read this post and maybe have some negative things to say. I think though that it would be better if you just watched it happen. You have said what you need to say to me (you know who you are) and I think that is enough. In all honesty I think your approach to me was absolutely absurd. It was like going to an abortion clinic and yelling at the precious girls that are walking in "YOUR A MURDERER" "YOUR KILLING YOUR BABY." I hate it when people do that. Its a complete turn off. Jesus would have never done things that way. He used patience and kindness and love to get his point across and it worked. (OK now people are going to bash me on Christianity LOL) I support those ladies in trying to educate people, but I really think there is a better way to do it.

Everyone has there own journey, and there own story to tell. I am glad that we are all different and unique. What a boring world it would be if we were the same and if our stories were all the same.

Matthew

Matthew (my nine year old) accompanied me today to the grocery store. He was sweet and helpful and I think was trying to make up for getting in trouble for fighting with his sister less then an hour ago. Anyway, he was doing great. We got our groceries and drove home and I called the girls to come out and help put things away. I tried to voice to all the children that all the groceries needed to be brought in, and if they were all brought in then they could all have the snack I bought for them (Carmel corn, very special treat). The girls were doing a good job bringing the stuff in but Matthew seemed to have disappeared. Now we live in an apartment. Our apartment is set so that the back patio faces this big grassy field with a playground and it is surrounded by a few bushes but more inportatly, MANY different buildings. Unfortunately the bushes are an important part of this story.

Well when all the groceries were brought in Matthew seemed to reappear. Here is how the conversation went.

Mom: Matt, I told you that you needed to help with the groceries. Where were you?

Matt: (states clearly and without guilt) OK mom, Ill tell you, I was peeing on a bush.

I then went on to tell him that NOBODY wants to see his weenie and that he is not allowed to pee on the bushes anymore. I have no idea how many times he has done this. (sigh) Boys!!!!!!!!!!