Oh heavenly chocolate covered strawberries!!!

For quite some time I have been craving these chocolate covered strawberries. Now, I have not had a chocolate covered strawberry this pregnancy but I have wanted one or many very badly. :) These things have played a vital roll in this pregnancy because if I feel really nauseous and need to throw up, I can avoid throwing up if I really focus on these delicious looking berries. So today me and the kids went to the mall and passed by the candy store. WOW!! The goodies in that place looked delectable, ESPECIALLY the chocolate covered strawberries. I wanted one so bad until I saw that they were $2.75 a piece. WOW!! I couldn't bring myself to buy one. So, I will still drool I mean dream about them and use the memory of them as anti-nausea medication.

(sigh)

Ultrasound and Bio physicals!!

The appointment went well. The baby looks great. His kidney problem is slowly going away and I don't think we have anything to worry about. The bigger he gets in gestation, the better the kidneys get. I'm happy about that.
He is now 3 whole pounds. Can you believe that? I sure can. Especially when I roll over in bed and feel like my organs are going to come out my throat. LOL I can not lay on my back anymore because its just to heavy.

The only down for me is that I will be going to the doctor for these bio physicals every week now. Oh, and my blood pressure was a little high even though I am taking medication so they upped the meds and hopefully that will make the blood pressure go down. It wasn't to high at 143/94 but that is on medication so that's not good.

The videos below are of the test they did on his heart and movements. Little guy sure gave them a run for there money. You can hear some really loud noises and the heartbeat goes away sometimes because he is just moving so much. And yes Rebekah, I bet he will be just like Skyler with all his activeness. Arnt we blessed to have active and vivacious children. LOL

So back to the doctor in a week. Fun Fun. I told you this little guy will be the most photographed unborn baby I've had yet. :)

This is my favorite because you can see his profile. Look how cute he is. The second one is of course his boy parts and the third is the most difficult to see but it is like looking straight on at his face.

Today

Today is the day for baby's bio physicals. I remember that is what they call it. So during the ultrasound they will check for everything.

Thank you everyone for your loving support and strength you give me. I appreciate your comments. It makes me feel NOT so alone. :)

I had a very tough night last night with Chelsea. She completely freaked out after I took her MP3 player away for being really disrespectful and mean to everyone in the family. Some really hateful and mean things came out of her mouth. It was very hard to hear and confusing to know what to do. BUT, I did pray for wisdom and was able to talk to my best friend Carrie (the kids Auntie) and through the evening things seemed to iron themselves out. I did again discover that Chelsea is extremely bitter at her father and I. She blames us for her having a terrible life (she really doesn't have a bad life) and she said she hated us. Hard words to hear. :(

I just kept remembering that she is a hormonal teenager and tried not to let it get me down. Eventually because I stayed calm and stuck to my guns she was able to come out of her fit. So scary. It makes me sad that my kids are growing up pretty much with out there dad. I wish it were different for them and I pray that somehow God can fill in the empty gaps.

Like I said before I used to pray that God would hold off on the rapture so I could be a mom...LOL....well..... now I pray "Come Lord Jesus." Like its my call anyway....LOL SO funny.

Ill update more tonight with pictures of baby.

Whats on my mind?

Truly parenting is not an easy job. Sometimes I wonder when and how I lost control of my kids. Then on other days, or I should say, during other moments I cant believe how great my kids are turning out. But, honestly the loosing control moments are far more then the grateful moments.

Lately I feel like I am just on the kids ALL the time. I wish there were more fun happy and non frustrating times. I feel so overwhelmed most of the time. If one kid is doing really well, the other kid is just arguing and telling me no, and saying that there life is ruined. Sometimes I could just scream.

But then there are nights like tonight when I realize that I have no right to complain or be sad about my situation. My children have there health. I read every day these amazing women's blogs that have sick babies and my heart just goes out to them.

I realize that my small battles are nothing compared to other peoples wars. I will get through these hard years, and then I will be able to sit back and breath, and pray that the Lord blesses me with lots of grandchildren that I can spoil and then send home.

When I was a little girl my biggest dreams were to be a mom. I didn't dream of becoming a doctor or an astronaut, I just wanted to be a mom. So, I used to pray to God and I would say "Father God, please, if you could just hold off on the rapture until I can be a mom? I don't want much God, I just want to be a mom." I would have dreams on many many nights that I would be pregnant and give birth to a baby, but it wasn't a baby, it was a doll.....a plastic doll. I feared that I would never have children.

Look at me now. I certainly didn't go the way I planed it to but what ever does? I have six wonderful children. Four are here alive and well with me, one is in my belly and the other is waiting for me in heaven. Even though I am not keeping my sixth baby, it does not change that I am so blessed to be his mom, one of them anyway. :)

I am not always the best mom. I always feel I can do better. But for now, I will live for today and look forward to tomorrow. The best moments are watching my kids sleep. They are so peaceful and sweet looking (you moms know what I am talking about), the house is quiet and I can quietly reflect on the day and prepare for the next.

Dates to look forward to!!

This Wednesday is my big ultrasound where they check all the baby's vital statistics to make sure that he is dong OK with the complications I have. So that appointment is at 9:30 in the morning.

Also, this weekend is when B and Rebekah come to visit me and the kids. We are very excited to see them and spend time with them. Its a very short visit and we will only get one full day with them, but we will take what we can get.

I also have my first counseling appointment this coming Friday with an adoption counselor. She is coming to my home to meet me which is the best because of my three year old, and because I have nobody to watch him on Friday.

We are still getting snow. It snowed all night and almost all day yesterday. The good news is that it should be in the 60's next weekend when R and B come to visit. We are hoping to get to a park or something outside for the kids. So some nice weather would be great.

I'm not going to church today, we are just to tired. I will catch the service on pod cast (which anyone can, just go to new life's web site in Colorado springs).

Chelsea is 13 today!!

Chelsea at three months old!!

I was 19 when I got pregnant with Chelsea. I had just quit going to college because my heart just wasn't into it, and I was madly in love with her father. He was just barley out of high school. We thought we had it all together. Two christian teenagers, vowed to keep ourselves pure until marriage. As the months went on, the kissing and petting went further and further until we found ourselves in a compromise that we never thought we would be in. I think he was happy about it but I was riddled with guilt. So the day came when I had to go to the dentist and I thought that just in case I would take a pregnancy test (my first one ever) just to make sure. I took it on my lunch break in my own home. Sure enough, it was very positive.

As soon as the shock wore off from telling the family and friends, we all became very very excited. Chelsea was to be the first grandchild on both sides. Me and her father were married three months later. I was so sick on our wedding night. We stayed in a hotel where her father drank and got drunk and I watched while I felt like puking. Not very romantic to say the least, but for the record, if I wasnt pregnant that night I would have probably been joining him in the drinking.

Time went on and my pregnancy went pretty smoothly with no complications. Her due date came and went and on the fourth day after her due date we were scheduled for an induction.

I was so excited I could barley sleep. The doctor told us to show up at the hospital at seven thirty in the morning. I couldn't get there fast enough. I wanted to meet my baby. My sister in law and my sister were my coaches. They were like two mother hens taking care of me. I couldn't be more appreciative.

I was only one centimeter dilated so they put cervadil on my cervix to ripen my cervix. This is another drug from hell, right up there with magnesium sulfate. This drug made me cramp and cramp until I thought I couldn't take anymore. I would have rather had contractions then this terrible cramping. Soon they added the pitocin drip to it and I endured a few hours of labor before the epidural man came in. I bet the man that gives epidurals gets a lot of cards and gifts, because he really is the magic man for a pregnant women.

It wasn't long before I could feel my body trying to push. It was a weird grunting sensation that I could not control, even through the epidural. The nurse came in and checked me and I was ready to push. I think I gave three to four pushes and she was out and kicking.

What a scrunched up little beauty she was. Actually that isn't what I thought but she was cute. Her nose was crooked from being pushed out, her hands were really wrinkly and she was just swollen looking. I thought it was bazaar. LOL Of course I couldn't have asked for a better birth. It was eight hours from start to finish. She weighed eight pounds and three ounces and was 21 inches long. What a special day that I will never forget. My first daughter, my love, my life. Here she is on her first birthday. Not a good picture because of the camera. That is me behind her with my eyes closed. LOL

I cant believe its been 13 years. I only have 6 left. I pray the time goes by slow. Do you all remember turning into a teenager? Of course we know the transition comes way before the age of 13 but it is a momentous day.

Currently my daughter is singing out loud with her MP3 player in her ears. She is waring the biggest hoop earrings I have ever seen and she is applying her makeup. Oh my, what a difference from the little curly haired little girl that was. She made me a mommy for the first time, a job that I will never tire of. She is a curly haired beauty naturally. I had so many people over the years ask me how I got her hair to be so curly, but the truth is, she was born this way. Now she straightens it.

She loves the camera and tries to be in every shot...just like her mommy was. The one under this is of her daddy and her sister Victoria.

These two were taken this morning before she left for school. See the HUGE hoop earrings. Such a big girl now. The one above this is with her three year old brother Skyler. I cant believe they are ten years apart. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHELSEA!! MOMMA LOVES YOU!!

7 months down, 3 to go!!

Today does mark the 28th week mark. I'm still doing fine but feeling more pregnant every day. As I mentioned before, I have my ultrasound on the 8th as well as my OB appointment. Ill update on that more on the 8th.

Things have been very busy around here. A day or so ago I had no Internet for the whole day due to an outage. It came back on the next day and all was well.

We had our first Thorn (Easter Play) performance last night. It was really a soft dress rehearsal, but they always open the first one up to friends and family. While we were all having a good time at the play, a snow storm swept in. The bad part was that it was warm so the first part of the snow just melted caused a sheet of ice under the fresh fallen snow. It was so scary driving home. My sweet mother followed us to make sure we were safe, and then she picked me up at my car in my apartment complex and drove me to the grass so that I wouldn't slip on the street. My mom is so sweet.

So this morning I get a call at six thirty in the morning from Victoria's teacher. She was letting me know that the field trip was still on but the kids needed to be there at six forty five. WHAT!!!!!! I had to drive her to school? The teacher said it was previously discussed. Where have I been? Its an all day field trip and they would be gone till five o'clock this evening. So anyway, I was running around the house trying to at least throw a bra on and wake Victoria up. Here the two of us go, flying out the door, me in my PJ's and her with her unbrushed hair and no breakfast. I am crying my eyes out because I am sure that we wont make it and I'm so afraid of her being disappointed. I'm dealing with the ice shuffling to the car and going crazy trying to find something to get the ice off my windshield. I even tried driving with my head out the window but decided that wasn't safe. Eventually I got us down the road and to the school where we saw......no bus and no kids. I was bawling. Victoria runs in the school and checks anyway. With the good Lords grace, we discovered that the kids were in the classroom getting ready to go and the buses were parked in the back. WE MADE IT!!!! The day was saved. (sigh) Now I need a nap. LOL

Having kids is such a challenge. All the little things keep me so busy. One of them being food. Snacks and meals and all of the preparing and cleaning and keeping everyone content. Its exhausting. I am thankful though to have an older child now who can actually babysit when I need to do things (like this morning) and run out. I can feel safe knowing that the other kids are ok with sissy watching over them for a short time. For so long I have just taken all four of them with me at all times. So this is different.

Speaking of different, today marks the last day we will be teenager less. Tomorrow, Chelsea turns 13. I will be writing her birth story and maybe posting some very early pictures of my curly hair beauty. What a gift she is. (OK Becky, don't cry)

Lastly, I treated myself to a couple dollar movie rentals. I highly recommend them. One is "Marley and me, and Seven Pounds." They are both criers which I love.

Until tomorrow.