II was so excited to talk to Rebekah the other night. We talked about many things but the one thing that stood out is when she mentioned that Ty was able to hold rattles now. WHAT!?! He is getting so big. This little bundle of joy just warms my heart with his cuteness. I cant get enough of him. I'm also thrilled to hear that Rebekah and Ben have a date to finalize the adoption. Ty will be officially a member of their family...but to me that's only paperwork...he belonged in their arms from the beginning...the rest is just legal stuff. I am so excited for them. Look how big he is at about fourteen pounds now...gotta love those fingers!
Yesterday we got a big box. It was addressed to Victoria and Chelsea. We opened it up to find a whole bunch of hand me down clothes from Rebekah and her sister. The girls went crazy trying everything on. They had so much fun. Although I know that Rebekah has great fashion sense...Im not sure she wore the clothes the way Victoria is currently...but....well...let me show you.
Introducing...my little gypsy girl...sporting the clothes and jewelry that Rebekah sent, it is plain to see that Victoria has her own fashion sense...and I think we will keep it that way because she is as cute as pie.
You can tell how pretty she felt...
And I think she was even more thrilled that mommy wanted to photograph her.
The box Rebekah and her sister sent was like Christmas in October for my family. Fun was had by all...Chelsea looks wonderful in this shirt. Thanks Rebekah and Rachael!!!!!!!!!
I remember my dad growing up. He wasn't the perfect father, but I looked up to him. I loved going out to the garage and watch him work on his many wood projects. He would make beautiful book shelves and even could make fun guns out of wood that would shoot rubber bands. He was a kid at heart, and loved to joke around and play jokes on people. My dad wasn't perfect...in fact he hurt me deeply many times in my life, but he was still my dad. Looking back on my life, I'm glad he was around....but I cant say that for my kids. Their dad isn't here...and unfortunately I don't think that will change.
I recently was considering moving closer to him in an effort to give the kids a chance to grow up with their dad. I see that they are lacking in a lot of areas, and I wanted to see if maybe it would work out for us to go and be closer to him. First thing I had to do was talk to him and make sure we were on the same page. I knew that if I lived closer to him that he would probably have them every weekend and with that arrangement I wanted to make sure that he would take them to church because otherwise they would never go.
I presented a few thing to him, as my expectations to going to Arizona depended on him complying with them or I would not go. They were simple things like taking the kids to church when he could, refraining from allowing the kids to watch movies like "the grudge," and "saw." Not allowing the kids to drink alcohol of any kind...things that probably to the ordinary parent would be a given...but not for this man. He is different.
After presenting these things to him...his response was that he would rather just have the kids in the summer, where he could do things the way he wanted to do things, rather then changing and becoming unhappy. In essence...he is not willing to change to make the kids lives better. He would rather just stay the way he is, miss out on the kids lives for practically the whole year, and continue leading his very cooshy life. I am so mad I could scream. How can someone be so selfish? How can someone let their children watch those horrible movies? How can you not be concerned about your child's spiritual walk?
So I am stuck. I can go to Arizona and get the help I desperately need, but in the process probably loose the kids to him as far as their spirituality....or I can stay here in Colorado and hope and pray that I am able to meet all the needs of the kids.
I am not willing to risk my kids not being taught the truth. What is the truth? The truth is that we are only here on this earth temporarily. This life is only a prerequisite for what is to come. I WANT my kids to be with me in Heaven. I have this HUGE responsibility to teach them about God and Jesus and the plans He has for our future. Unfortunately the kids father does not share that same conviction.
When I was a little girl, from as far back as I can remember, I prayed this prayer to God over and over again:
"God, you know I want to be with you, and if you decide to rapture us now, Ill gladly go...but if there is any way you could possibly wait till I have babies, I would really love that, I just want to be a mom."
I used to have dreams at night that all my friends were having these beautiful babies and when my babies were delivered, they were mere plastic dolls. I felt cheated. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to have kids or that the rapture would come, so the above prayer became routine for me every day.
Now over 25 years later, I think it is clear that my prayers were answered. And boy oh boy were they ever answered. LOL
Yesterday I was driving to get Chelsea from Track, the road that I have to go down is just a canopy of trees that grow over the road, so its like you are driving through a tunnel of bright yellow, orange and gold leaves, its beyond beautiful, and I got to thinking. Lately I've been struggling with the kids. They have been fighting a lot and seem to REALLY NOT care for each other. I am literally speechless when they are screaming at each other. I don't know what to do and I am just dumb founded. Literally that word "dumb founded" is the perfect phrase because I feel quite dumb in the situation. So, I went and sat on the porch and just prayed....prayed for Gods wisdom. I cant think of any way through these hard times without His wisdom. Some people might think I am weird for praying that in such a situation but literally...it works...I've asked for it before and it works.
Now I have yet to get my wisdom from God on this situation but I know its coming.
So through the years I have learned a lot about myself through being a mom and a wife. I have discovered that in every circumstance, even the roughest and toughest ones, I can learn through them...just as I do with my own kids. I try to make every experience a learning experience. While we are driving down the road I will ask Matt "What road do we live on Matt?" Or I will ask Chelsea "What are our cross roads?" I do that to get the kids familiar with their surroundings, to gain a sense of direction. Yesterday we learned all about a dog racing track down the road...and today Matt learned what a thong was....OK OK....now I didn't WANT to teach him that...but well I will explain that down at the bottom of this entry.
I have learned that as I teach my kids things, I learn more about them and that despite the fact that Matt cant quite get the hang of folding laundry...
that Victoria and Chelsea do not work together well, and the kitchen never quite stays clean...
and that Skyler is REALLY good at over flowing the bath tub with bubbles(which are not actually bubbles but a whole bottle of shampoo that he wasted)....
despite all those things and more...I am discovering that my kids are pretty cool, and If I would just relax a little, we might be able to enjoy each other better.
Oh and the thong thing. We had a couple little girls (Chelsea's friends) spend the night last weekend. It was a HORRIBLE experience. The two little girls trashed the girls room, ate food out of my fridge without asking and left a THONG for my son to find. WHAT THE HECK! This little girl was nine years old and she was waring a thong. Dear Jesus help me!!!!
I cant end this without a Tyrus update. If you have not seen this video of him and his momma you have to watch it. I am SOOOO proud of him. He is growing so fast. There is even talk that I will get to go visit him next summer for his first birthday. I CANT WAIT!!!
I'm driving down the road, and glance down at the speedometer, and although my speed must have been about forty, the speedometer reads about, oh lets say, ZERO! LOL My speedometer is broke. I have no idea what to do about that except to try and NOT speed. Lets hope I dont get stuck on a road alone, I need cars beside me to keep me on track. UGGGG! UGGGG! I know eventually I will need to get a new vehicle, mine is a 1993 Jeep Cherokee. It is a gas guzzler and I currently have to pay about forty dollars per week for gas. I'm still trying to figure out if it would be more cost efficient to get a new car with a car payment, or just keep paying for gas and run it until it runs into the ground. HOOO HUMMMM!! I'm thankful for a working vehicle, none the less, despite its faults. The defrosters dont work, the motors to the powered chairs are broke so the passenger seat is permanently stuck in a laying back position. Its very funny looking. Anyway, my jeep has been with me through a lot, its driven across the United States many times and as long as she doesn't let me down...Ill keep driving her.
Today while getting the kids ready for school Victoria tells me the toilet is flooding. This is an automatic panic session for me because I hate when the toilet overflows and you only have seconds to turn the water off. In my mind I figure it will be OK...Ill plunge it like I have done many times and everything will be fine. UGGG UGGGG! NOPE!! I go in the bathroom and plunge and plunge...I think I have fixed it so I flush it again...LOW AND BEHOLD...we have Niagara falls in our bathroom. I'm plunging which is just making water go faster out of the toilet...Skyler is standing outside the bathroom yelling "MY HOUSE MY HOUSE, ITS LEAKING?" I'm freaking out standing in a pool of water and finally get the water turned off at the base of the toilet. I look over at Skyler and say to him "DID YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THIS TOILET?" He said "NO." Of course. So, I have to call maintenance AGAIN to help me on this one. It needs to be snaked.
To add to the drama, I went to pick up Chelsea from her sports practice and took my dog Maggie with me. We came home, went inside, ate dinner, sat down to watch the new "man vs wild," and discovered that Maggie wasn't running around as usual. Then I remembered....we left her in the car. UGGG! Matthew pipes up "Ill go get her." I say to him "now Matt, last time you locked mommy's keys in the car and we couldn't go any ware. Are you going to be more responsible this time?" "Yes mom, you can trust me." Can I just say UGGG UGGG! So, I continue to sit and watch the show and eat my yummy veggie soup that I posted about yesterday, and I soon realize that Matthew has been gone for quite a long time. Just as I am thinking that, a very somber Matthew walks in the door. Right away I get a sick feeling in my stomach...this doesn't look good. I ask him what is wrong although I really didn't want to know...and he tells me...."The key broke off in the door of the jeep." UGGG! UGGGG! I should have known better then to trust my nine year old son with my keys again. (sad face) Frustrated, I ask him what the heck he was thinking. I ask him for the keys and sure enough, the key broke off because he used the house key on the jeep and when it wouldn't open the door for him he forced it. This morning when I went out to the jeep, sure enough, half my house key was sticking out of the door. Ill never learn.
I actually have a picture of the half house key but blogger has messed with my settings and I cant post pictures. But I think you get the idea.
So, this week has been an adventure to say the least. These children have kept me on my toes for sure. Its crazy craziness, and the week isnt over yet, we have a few more days to go!!!
Helen's Crock pot Vegetable Soup is whats for dinner. No, I have no idea who Helen is, but I snagged her recipe off the Internet. Its whats for dinner. I LOVE coming home to an already cooked meal in the crock pot.
Here is before it started cooking....
Here is after it had cooked for several hours. Cant wait to dig in!!! Scroll to the bottom to get the recipe!
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This video below has nothing to do with "whats for dinner," but Skyler is so cute that I thought I would share. Please ignore my semi messy room and the dirty clothes in the background. :)
Ingredients:
2 cloves garlic finely chopped
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 med. head cabbage, chopped (about 3 cups)
2 cups chopped zucchini, about 2 small
1 cup diced carrots
2 stalks celery chopped (1 cup)
1 28 oz canned tomatoes undrained
1 can black eye peas drained and rinsed well
1 can red kidney beans drained & rinsed well
1 pkg. 10 oz frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry
4 cups low sodium chicken broth
4 cups tomato juice or V-8
2 tsp. dry basil, crushed
1 teaspoon salt, or to taste
1 tsp. dried oregano
1/4 tsp. pepper
a few drops hot sauce
grated Parmesan cheese
Preparation:
If desired, saute the onion in a little butter and oil before adding to slow cooker. Add to slow cooker, along with remaining ingredients. Cook 10-12 hours on LOW.
For a 5 to 6-quart cooker, but ingredients can be cut back for a smaller cooker. Serves 12 (Diet Exchanges: 1 Starch/bread, 2 vegetables
Serving: 1 cup 149 calories 3 fat grams 0 cholesterol
I wish I knew that after you have a baby, and before your creamy white milk comes in, it first turns a yellowish orange color. I seriously thought I was defective.
I wish I knew that sometimes babies don't poop for two to three days...and that's normal and OK. Poor Chelsea was subjected to many suppositories in her first few weeks of life.
It would have been nice to know how having a new baby in the house takes a real toll on your relationship with your significant other. Boy could we have saved ourselves a lot of heartache...if we knew what to expect....
I wish I knew that I would do more laundry and scrub out more stains then I could ever had imagined...
that potty training is one of the most challenging things I would face in my lifetime...I have seriously cleaned up enough poo in the past two weeks to fill a wheelbarrow.
I wish someone had not lied to me (grin) and told me that the two's were terrible...oh how wrong they were. In truth it should have been called the terrible three's.
I wish I would have known that I would become a single parent...although I don't know how you could prepare for that role.
I wish I would have known that in order to give my fifth child a good life, I would have to give him away...and in that giving away process...a peice of my heart would go with him.
I wish I knew:
that I would sleep less...
shower less...
worry more...
cry harder...
laugh louder...
and love so deep that sometimes it would feel as though my heart could explode.
Yes being a parent is hard, challenging, and sometimes overwhelming...but through all the challenges would I ever turn back? No way, no how. I didn't know I could love so deep and that life would be so much richer. And truth be told, its probably better that I didn't know all those things...because then I wouldn't be surprised when something new came up....and I love surprises...well...not the poopy kind!!
Don't get to excited. Its not what you are thinking. Although the maintenance man is hot...its not the male form I'm in love with.... I'm in love with this... My good ol Bissel bit the dust this morning. The two vacuums had a stand off... but the Bissell just couldnt hold its ground. Shes tired of vacuming up hamster food, and cereal, and rocks that are drug in from outside. She did put up a good fight, but in the end... The Eureka stole my heart.
My mommy heart is happy to once again have clean vacuumed floors. The kids grandma sent me a Target gift card and it couldn't have come at a better time. I love my yellow vacuum.
Me: My name is Rebekah. I am a child of the most high God and the mother to six precious children, four of which I parent, one who went to be with Jesus at six weeks gestation, and the last one (sweet Tyrus) who I relinquished to adoption. This blog highlights all the good the bad and the ugly parts of being a single mom and also a birth mom. Truth be told, I'm just a sinner saved by grace, and I have made a lot of mistakes, but its all about counting the cost and moving on and making life better, because life is good....really really good.
Chelsea: My firstborn. She was born with a crooked nose and a personality that caught every ones attention. She is independent, and loving, and very girly. Give her some hairspray and some makeup and a pair of skinny jeans and she is happy. Thankfully her nose straightened out but the rest of her stayed the same...I'm so glad.
Victoria: My second born. Thoughtful, serious and beautiful are words that sum up Victoria since she was born. It took a lot to make her smile as a baby but when she did it lit up the room. Now that she is older she is still serious, but also very loving and likes to kiss my cheek all the time. She is sneaky yet likes to please. She loves animals and I wouldn't be surprised if she became an animal activist some day.
Matthew: My third born. Movin Movin Movin would describe Matt exactly. He is just a bundle full of energy. He doesn't like video games or TV, he would rather be outside throwing a football or riding his bike. He is all boy. He is my fix it kid. Give him a screw driver and he will figure it out.
Skyler: My fourth born. The baby of the family is exactly what little Sky is. I think he knows this and plays all of us for all we are worth. Trouble would be the word I would use to describe him. Don't leave him alone for a minute or he will be playing cars through a pile of flour in my living room. Even though he is into everything, he is such a sweetheart and we all love him very much.
