Another storm....

Ive blogged about storms before. Ive been through some of the roughest storms that I could ever imagine going through. Ive hit rock bottom...Ive climbed mountains...Ive been through valleys. Isn't it amazing how Gods creation mirrors our lives and our trials? Even the ocean waves mimic the highs and the lows in life.

My daughter is gone. She doesn't want to come home. I will praise you in this storm. She said I'm not her mother anymore and she is living with a new mother. This women that she is staying with is a stranger to me. Ive never met her. She has allowed my daughter (a runaway) to stay in her home. She has not bothered to call me or to contact the police. All this women knows is what my daughter has told her. I will praise you in this storm.

I have been a single mom for eleven years now. Ive begged, borrowed and even been homeless in those eleven years. Ive cherished my motherhood and my (then three) but now four (save Tyrus which makes five) precious children. Ive fought to keep food on the table...worked odd jobs...gotten fired from jobs because of precious sick babies...and even gave one of my sweet babies up for adoption for the good of all of them. And now.....I might have to let another one go. I will praise you in this storm.

When do you waive the white flag? When do you say you have had enough? The answer is never. When you are a mom you never give up, you never say quit. I'm now facing a situation that overwhelms me. I was overwhelmed to began with. I work forty hours a week which leaves little time for dinner and homework. I know that my time with the kids is lacking...but I don't have anyone to pick up the slack. Its just me...me and my four babies. I know that is why my daughter doesn't want to live here. She needs more then I have been able to give her. I'm a good mom, but I'm not enough. My heart is broken....again, its hardly had time to heal from Tyrus. She wants to live with her grandma.

This is ripping my heart out. It is rocking me to my core. It wasnt supposed to be this way. GOD WHERE ARE YOU!!!??

And though my heart is torn...I will praise you in the storm.

She has been gone now for five nights. Please pray!!!!

"Oh God, have mercy on me. I cant take much more."

Rain

Born in a dry season
Wind and sand have blown through me
Haven't found shade anywhere
Only moments of relief
But sometimes I think I hear the thunder
Somewhere on the horizon line
If i could just find a way to get under
The rain that can reach this soul of mine


I pray for rain to come
And wash away what's made me numb
I pray for a ragging storm
To drown what's in me
And the rain comes in the nick of time
I swallow hard cause my throat's been dry
The rain comes beating on my skin
Till I'm washed away - nothing left within
When the rain comes
(PFR)

Erupting laughter!

I was so excited to go. It was my first parenting class ever which is kind of ironic since Ive been a mom now for fourteen and a half years. A little to late? I sure hope not. erupting

Me and six of my girlfriends from work all piled into our vehicles and arrived at a college campus where the conference was being held. The first speaker was a lady. If anyone watches CSI, there is a new episode called "Hoarders" and she is the lady who plays the hoarder in the episode. She was very inspirational.

The second speaker spoke on "Love and Logic." By the second hour of his speech I was sold. I just knew that this was how I wanted to start teaching my kids and I listened with my ears WIDE open. Of course two hours is not enough time to soak everything Love and Logic is about so I purposed in my heart to get the book. It was not good news when I found out the book was thirty dollars. Luckily my friend had a copy and let me borrow it that night. I'm on chapter two and still really love it. Its not the kind of thing you can step into easily. Its very intricate and a bit complicated and it has to be a very thoughtful process.

I wanted to share with you my very first attempt at trying this Love and Logic out on my two middle ones who like to fight and bicker. Keep in mind that the kids knew I went to a parenting class and that I brought home a book but I was careful not to share any of my new parenting tricks with them or talk about it in front of them.

Setting the scene:

Victoria and Matt are fighting over God knows what. I'm trying to keep my cool but its really getting on my nerves. Determined to try this new process I think very calmly about my words, take a deep breath, put on my most "tired and exhausted" face...and say....

"All this bickering and fighting is rreeeaaalllyy zapping my energy. Sigh!! (taking a deep breath as if really tuckered out). I'm going to need you both to refill my energy. Please start thinking of things you can do for me to put my energy back."

They both stop their fighting, and just stare at me as I'm still acting reeaally worn out. LOL

I started to walk away when I heard Victoria start giggling. I turned around to see what she was giggling about and she said to me "mom, did you get that out of your new parenting book?"

I immediately felt laughter welling inside me. I said nothing to her, turned around and ran up the stairs as quickly as I could before I exploded in laughter.

It didn't work out the way I had planned. I guess I have to get a little smarter next time. LOL

The monster in me!

I have SOOOO much to talk about, but that wont happen tonight.






Our pumpkin creations. I think Victoria (middle pumpkin) got a little carried away!

The storms are passing...

Good things happened today. I was very encouraged by all your comments. You are very right...parenting comes with good and bad times. Me and and two of my kids enjoyed a day of cool weather, movies, and remote control trucks. We took a cool drive up the mountain and enjoyed the changing leaves and beautiful skies. If I wasn't the one driving then I would have snapped some pictures; however, here is a picture of our destination. Isn't it beautiful? I wont go into detail but someone in my family is REALLY enjoying this place right now.
God is good all the time. The hard times outweigh the good times right now in my life, but I have to say that reaching this destination and continuing on through the rest of the day....qualified as good times. I see God working. I don't know how its going to end but I continue to trust that God knows what he is doing....cause sure as heck I sometimes don't.

I didnt sign up for this!

I always wanted to be a mom. I dreamed about it and could practically taste it. I don't think I was a particularly bad child. I tried my best to do what I was told, and was riddled with guilt when I broke the rules.

My children do not seem to have that same switch that turns on that tells them they have boundaries. They are so different then me. Or maybe they are just like me? I cant figure it out.

Regardless of the circumstance, I didn't sign up for this heartache and pulling and pushing and give and take. Life didn't seem so difficult for me as a child. My parents had their share of heartache, but honestly I think I have triple of what they had. Is it because I have more kids and because I am all alone in this?

I have a brand new view of what "mental health" means. I have a feeling that tomorrow I'm going to get a another dose of what I just went through this last week. I'm not sure I can handle two in a row.

What is it with kids these days? Can they not find any joy in life? What is missing? Life is not that bad. I always tell my kids to try and live ABOVE their circumstances. Yes they come from a broken home, and no they are not rich, but they have so much love and support and things....they have SOOO many things. The problem is, none of that matters when you are talking about "mental health." I have so much to learn.


I didn't sign up for this. I'm overwhelmed, my house is a wreck, I haven't had time to get groceries save the milk I keep buying at Walgreen's because its fast and convenient. I'm just going through the motions hoping it all slows down before it all passes by me. I keep asking God how long we have to wait. How long will we wait before he takes us away. This is no life...the one I'm living. I cant even enjoy these beautiful children I have....no time no time.

STOP!!

So amazing!!

You all are so amazing. I loved doing that poll. I loved all your comments, and even the negative ones really sparked some emotion in me. I have to give GibsonTwins a little credit...she said something that I absolutely agree with. She said "You're supposed to guide children positively by praising their accomplishments 10x more than you criticize their misgivings." She is absolutely right, and I will be putting that into practice as much as I possibly can. I know that most of GibsonTwins comments to me really upset everyone, but look at the bright side....for some reason she has picked me to pick on. LOL I must be pretty special. (grin)

I have so many things to say but I have to be honest, I am going through some very tough things with one of my kids. I never thought that I would be going through this with any of my kids but I am.

I will not go into much detail but I do want to ask one question and in turn hopefully make a point. It has to do with mental health. I am so confused about the whole ADHD and depression treatments that they use. They say that these two diagnoses are treatable with a different assortment of medications and they say the medications are used to correct a chemical imbalance in our brains. My question is, why in the heck do they medicate our children (and some adults) with these medications without actually testing to see if there is ACTUALLY a chemical imbalance? How can a doctor really diagnose a person (child or adult) without some actual proof of an imbalance?

Can someone explain this to me?

I am truly truly exhausted but I had to come and spend a few minutes with you wonderful people. Most days I am very weary emotionally, but then Ill get a text on my phone at work that another person has commented on my blog and I get so excited and uplifted by your words. I read your comments all day long even while at work. I sure love all of you!!!!!!
Thank you!!!!!!!!!