Wednesday, March 31, 2010

My oldest, My youngest.

I have many emotions running through me this evening. I'm feeling reflective...especially after reading this. How can you not be reflective after reading Rebekah's words?

My sweet Chelsea turns fourteen in a few days. I cant help but think back to how it all began. A few indiscretions with the love of my life and a sweet baby girl was conceived...inside a girl at the young age of nineteen....me!

This Saturday is her true birthday. We will celebrate in an extra ordinary way this year. The thing is...my oldest turns fourteen this weekend...and my youngest comes home.

Yes, I know. Its not his home anymore, but it was his home for nearly ten months. The last time Ty was here I was so nervous. I was afraid of over stepping my boundaries with Rebekah and Ben and doing something to make them think I was going to change my mind. I was afraid to kiss the baby to much thinking it would make it harder to say good bye. Afraid afraid afraid. I'm not afraid this time. There is no reason to be. I am comfortable with my relationship with Rebekah and I know that she and Ben are not going to care if I kiss their son to death. Well, they might care if I kissed him to death but you know what I mean. LOL

So, in preparation for this most amazing weekend of celebrating my oldest...and my youngest...I reflect and often wonder...will he know my voice? Will he feel comfortable with me holding him or even want me to hold him at all? How will the older kids feel? Will I cry when I first see him? I know I am crying now just thinking about it.

It doesn't matter I guess. I'm easily a "go with the flow" kind of person. I expect baby Ty to not really want to be held by strangers...because we are just that...strangers. But, as the years go by, we will become less of strangers to him and more familiar faces...so it doesn't bother me.

I cant wait to share with all of you the joy I am about to experience this weekend. It will be one of the best weekends of my life. Stay tuned!!!!

16 comments:

Brandi said...

I am so excited for you all! I know the weekend will be bittersweet, but I can't imagine how excited you are to get your hands on Ty :) Enjoy the visit. You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

Kelsey Stewart, Author said...

My heart is racing for you right now. When you mentioned the siblings, I was sent right back to a visit with my daughter and thinking the same thing. The most amazing thing happened, and I blogged about it. I think your heart would smile if you would read it, and I hope you do not mind me sending this to you! I hope you have the best weekend ever!
http://thebestforyoubook.blogspot.com/2010/01/happy-thoughts2.html

LL said...

Happy (early)Birthday to Chelsea!

R, I can't wait to read about your weekend! I am so happy for you. Snuggle, kiss and hug that little boy!

Leah said...

I hope you all have a wonderful time together. :-D

Paulette said...

So very exciting.... enjoy this precious time together!

jodilee0123 said...

p.s. you live in the town where my bestest friend ever from the 2nd grade lives!

jodilee0123 said...

Our kids have always had a special relationship with their birthmoms. Jada smiled like crazy the first time she saw her first momma again at three months. I believe they remember and know deep down and if they are "allowed" (so to speak) to show their feelings--they will shine. The love that all of you openly share for each other and for Ty will allow him to shine. Hug him, kiss him, love him, tell him you love him--and do the same for his parents. (Forgive me as I can't remember their names and how to spell them.) I will pray that you all support and love each other up during this wonderful, difficult and very emotional time. Have a glorious visit! :0)

Faith said...

Oh, I am SO staying tuned, to both yours and R's blogs! I cannot wait to hear all about this amazing weekend, this time for family to come together! I know R and B must also be SO excited! I will be waiting to hear all about it...and thank you for sharing your story....

Jericho said...

What a beautiful thing. You'll be great and make memories. And happy birthday, Chelsea!

Britney said...

and Happy Birthday to Chelsea!

llockar1985 said...

I stumbled on your blog and "the other" Rebekah's blog today. Your story is amazing. I'm very thankful that people like you can share your stories. I've got some catching up to do, but I'll be back!

mak'n Changes said...

what a fun weekend becky! Im so excited you get to see that handsome face again. You'll have to post all about how you and the kids reacted to Ty. I know chelsea was not wanting to see him so im especially interested in how that will work out. I think she will love him to death.

Rebekah said...

The time is finally here! We're coming!!!!! :)

H said...

Can't wait to hear about your weekend! Have an AWESOME time together!:)

Wendy said...

I hope you're visit is wonderful!

Baby Wanted said...

I can't wait to hear about your weekend! I read what R wrote on her blog and it was touching. You both are such amazing woman.

Happy Birthday to Chelsea!