Friday, March 12, 2010

Saying goodbye.

Almost three years ago the excitement was in the air. Me and the children were about to embark on a journey of independence. We had depended on family for quite some time, and they were gracious enough to let us live with them. For some, moving into an apartment would not be a happy choice, but for us it symbolized so much. It meant that we didn't have to depend on anybody else anymore. We could make our own choices and live with our own decisions. It was just us.

It was a small apartment at only 1100 square feet but it backed right up to a very spacious playground and swimming pool. The girls were to share a room and the boys were to share a room. Just the feeling of being able to stretch out and be ourselves was unbelievable.

Almost three years later we are leaving our beloved apartment. Its sad for me. It should be easy but I find myself getting anxious about going. It was here in these parking lots that I met Ty's birth father. It was here that Ty grew for almost ten months in my belly. This is the living room that I sat in all those nights and watched him roll around in my belly. After giving birth to Ty it was this empty apartment I came home to....empty womb....sad heart. It was this very room that I sit in as I type this that I morned the loss of my sweet baby. And it was this place that I finally said good bye to Rebekah and Ben and sweet baby Ty the day they left Colorado.
Leaving the apartment doesn't bother me....its the memories that do. Living here was both a blessing and a curse. I didn't "get" what apartment life meant. I was very naive and trusting. I have learned so much and grown wiser the past almost three year. I wouldn't take any of it back. It all led me to Tyrus and his wonderful parents.

Our new town home will bring fun times and new memories. It will be there that I can reunite with the baby I let go almost nine months ago. I look forward to meeting him again....but as much as I want to hug him and kiss his sweet toes, what will also make my heart soar is when I once again get to put my arms around his mom and dad. I miss them so much.


Baby Wanted said...

So many wonderful memories, but I have a feeling that so many more beautiful memories will be made in this town house. The girls will most likely start high school in your town house...may even go to prom depending how long you live there. The boys will grow up and have their milestones. And you will reunite with your sweet baby boy and his parents...yes, so many wonderful memories will be made there!

I love the picture of the new place! Your car looks happy in its new home!

Faith said...

Goodbyes are so bittersweet. We know there are so many good things to come, but it's hard to imagine they will be as good , as deep, as what we've left behind. I cannot wait to hear ALL about the times you spend with R&B and Ty. What wonderful memories to come!

Rebekah said...

We are SO excited for our reunion. We will make many more happy moments in the new place...and let's take some new pictures where I don't look half asleep! :)

Anonymous said...

Beautiful memories...more to come. You are doing an amazing job and I am so proud of your courage. Paulette

Sissy said...

I know this is stupid, but I always think of sitcom series finales where the family would move out and have this moment walking around the empty house/apartment. Every time I leave a place (my dorm room, my series of apartments, my first house with my husband) I always take time for that moment. It seems silly, but if I think of it like that, it helps.