Saturday, June 5, 2010

Remembering!

Here is what I posted one year ago today! Its good to look back and remember what you have come out of. Its good to see how far Ive come. This was an exciting and sad time in my life. Exciting because it was close to the day that sweet Tyrus would grace all of our lives, but sad because I would suffer a great loss in a few short days. Here is what I wrote.

Friday, June 5, 2009 12 more days!!!!
That's right. I am scheduled to be induced on the 18th. Twelve days seems SOOOO long, but I know its not. I am doing pretty good today and yesterday. I have all the same discomforts but really, I think I can make it. I look at my belly and it seems HUGE and then I look in the mirror and I KNOW I'm huge. :) I really don't mind though. Its all for a good reason.

I was in the rocking chair the other day and was just slowly rocking and the baby was kicking and I put my hand on my belly and started rocking harder and I realized "I'm rocking him." That sounds stupid Hugh because obviously I have been rocking him from the day he was conceived, but for some reason I just had this moment with him that I had not had before. It was special. I only have a short time to take care of him, and right now its so easy to care for him (in a sense). I think its easier to take care of a baby in utro then for them to be out. So I just felt, in that moment, that my job was was so important. I am ready for him to be born though. He just feels gigantic inside of me and its hard just to get dressed with this big belly.

The kids are doing great at there dads house. It feels good not to have to worry about them. Of course my three year old keeps me on my toes, but just to have three kids gone is such a BIG break. I really needed it. Oh and to top it off my mom and grandma have my dog for a few days. WHAT A RELIEF!! She is a sweet little thing but its become hard for me to take her potty three times a day (I live in an apartment).

Well, the nights are long for me because I cant lay in bed. The minute I lay down its such terrible pain in between my legs that I struggle to sit up. I have been sleeping on the recliner and it is not that comfortable but at least I get a few hours of sleep. Good thing I don't require much sleep. :)

Ill try to keep this updated....because time is short.

6 comments:

Annjeri said...

What a time that was eh? The memories before and after the birth. The day of the birth was crazy but sweet all the same. Love ya sis.

Faith said...

Wow, you sure have come a long way! And so has the other Rebekah and Ben and Ty. That's what I love about blogging - we can look back, read our words, and feel that rush of emotion that comes from remembering how we were feeling when we wrote them. I know this time will be bittersweet...hopefully more sweet, but only you can know that. I'll be thinking of you!

J said...

You have come very far...they say time heals all wounds but I wonder if this is a wound that will ever heal? Thank you so much for always being so honest. I know for a fact that you have shaped the relationship we will have with our chld's birthmother. I will understand her better because of you and I will honor her because of you. Thank you.

Ty is lucky to have two beautiful, loving mamas!!!

JC said...

Wow! And look at where you're at in life now? Major differences! You are a very strong woman! I'm proud to be your e-friend! LOL <3

Rebekah said...

I remember this post! I'm so glad you had those moments with Ty...Someday, I need to make your blog into a book so that he can always read your words and know the very essence of your heart.

I'm so glad we're in this together.

Lisandro & Destiny said...

Hi Rebekah. I just wanted to say that you, Rebekah, Ben & sweet baby Ty have made an amazing impact on my heart. Like Rebekah, I have suffered from infertility for years. We have lost 6 pregnancies, 2 of those with multiples. We are now in the "waiting for a match" stage. I hope and pray, with every fiber of my heart, that God puts an amazing woman, like you, into our life. Before, if someone had asked me what I thought about open adoption, I would have simply said, "Scary". You have opened my mind and heart and have shown me not only what a miracle Ty is, but what a miracle you are. I just love reading about your relationship and your visit with Ty had me in happy tears. Your love for Ty radiates from your words. You are God's miracle to Rebekah, as you were able to heal the vast emptiness that I know too well that was in her heart. I can only hope that we are as blessed as Rebekah & Ben have been with you.