Do you ever find yourself driving down the road and glance in the rear view mirror to count all the children just to make sure you have not left anyone behind? I have never left any of my kids but that doesn't stop me from looking back once twice sometimes three times. Obsessive I know. You can never be to sure though.
I watched a movie tonight called "motherhood." Perfect movie to describe how you so easily loose yourself when you become a mom. Of course I use the words "lose yourself" loosely because its not necessarily a bad thing but you do feel a little like Alice in Wonderland while its happening. The movie really hit home for me. I felt like the mom in the movie was me, but in reality it plays into every busy mom out there.
The moral of the story was that we all want the best for our kids. We would do anything for them even sacrificing the things we aspire to be or do for a time until we can pick it back up when they are old enough.
Ive been thinking a lot this weekend. Mostly I have been stewing to be honest. I have so many things I would like to say here on this blog. Should a blog be only about happy things? Should we be able to say things that we feel passionate about? I believe the answers are no and yes! I grew up feeling like I always had to put on the happy face. It was important to make sure everyone felt comfortable and for goodness sake don't step on any ones toes. I don't think that is a very realistic way to live. The truth is, there are hard times to be had. Thank God there are also good times to be had and I want to blog about all of them. I'm tired of living my life concerned about what this person will think about me or how they will feel. Yes of course I want to be sensitive to people and I most certainly want to show love through my words, but when it comes to the TRUTH, I don't want to be silent anymore because I'm afraid of what people will think of me. The only one that truly matters is God. He is the only one who knows the condition of my heart.
I feel a battle going on in my life and my children's lives. It is a spiritual battle behind the scenes but a true life battle that I am watching like a play on a stage. I am going to fight it. Ill do whatever it takes to win. Giving up is not an option, being TOLERANT is not an option. (by the way I have grown to HATE that word tolerant, but thats for a different post) My kids and their futures are at stake. So on I fight. Does it ever end? I feel like my whole life is a big huge fight.
Im not sure how to end this post. So Ill end it here.