Have you ever sobbed? I'm not talking about little whimpering cries that you might have when you are sad or feeling some other emotion. I mean HEAVING sobs that come deep down as if it were not you that was crying but your very inner soul? I experienced that after Ty was born. For about two to three days straight my heaving sobs continued day and night. I had no control over them. They came even when tears ran out. I had a continuous lump in my throat for weeks.
Time went on and I felt better. In fact after Ty was born and the weeks went on I cried less and less until I rarely cried at all. I felt that it was all to easy. Why were my other birth mom friends still sad (I mean really sad) months later and I wasn't.
This afternoon when I came home from work I clicked on Rebekah's blog (as I frequently do) and was pleasantly surprised to see a new mothers day blog post. Oh my heart soared as I read it. Her and her husbands happiness, Ty's happiness. It was a great post, but then, the heaving sobs came again. I felt them come from the very bottom of my belly and again as if they were coming from my inner being. They feel like they are rolling out of me, the sadness, the loss. I found myself asking if this was normal. Why would I be so sad when I am so happy about how things are now? Why at a moments notice would I be smiling and then the sobs begain again almost a year later?
Is this normal?