I always wanted to be a mom. I dreamed about it and could practically taste it. I don't think I was a particularly bad child. I tried my best to do what I was told, and was riddled with guilt when I broke the rules.
My children do not seem to have that same switch that turns on that tells them they have boundaries. They are so different then me. Or maybe they are just like me? I cant figure it out.
Regardless of the circumstance, I didn't sign up for this heartache and pulling and pushing and give and take. Life didn't seem so difficult for me as a child. My parents had their share of heartache, but honestly I think I have triple of what they had. Is it because I have more kids and because I am all alone in this?
I have a brand new view of what "mental health" means. I have a feeling that tomorrow I'm going to get a another dose of what I just went through this last week. I'm not sure I can handle two in a row.
What is it with kids these days? Can they not find any joy in life? What is missing? Life is not that bad. I always tell my kids to try and live ABOVE their circumstances. Yes they come from a broken home, and no they are not rich, but they have so much love and support and things....they have SOOO many things. The problem is, none of that matters when you are talking about "mental health." I have so much to learn.
I didn't sign up for this. I'm overwhelmed, my house is a wreck, I haven't had time to get groceries save the milk I keep buying at Walgreen's because its fast and convenient. I'm just going through the motions hoping it all slows down before it all passes by me. I keep asking God how long we have to wait. How long will we wait before he takes us away. This is no life...the one I'm living. I cant even enjoy these beautiful children I have....no time no time.