Monday, October 4, 2010

What say you?

I have had my share of hair dying disasters. There have been times while dying my own hair that I have turned around and found a splatter or two on the wall. Let me tell you, that stuff does not come off.

Not long ago I bought some hair dye for Victoria. I intended on doing it for her because she had her hair dyed blond at some point this summer and she wanted it back to her normal color. I had told the girls that they needed to wait for me to do any hair dying. That stuff is so splattery and it gets on everything. Needless to say, they did not wait for me. I walked in the bathroom and there was hair dye on the carpet, on the sink and on a very nice hand towel that my deceased Aunt had given me. I was livid. I again reminded them that they were NOT to do this again without asking.

SOOOOOOO, tonight I walk in the bathroom to another very nice towel ruined due to one of the children (I wont mention names) not asking to dye their hair AGAIN. Seriously? Im thinking that this certain child has some of her/his own money and I just might take a bit of it and go buy another towel.

What would you do?


Rebekah said...

Love the voter option, I'm going to have to check that out.... :)

Mommy2Four said...

I swear, sometimes when I have a "lighter wallet" consequence for my teen, it''s the ONLY time he "gets it".

Good for you :)

mak'n Changes said...

When I worked with the teens in the kids home, I had gotten tired of buying new things they had broken out of anger so I started docking their allowance when. They'd break stuff....I hit them in the wallet where it hurt....and to be honest they learned life lessons from it.

Danielle & Clint said...

If your daughter has enough money for hair dye, I'm sure she can splurge on a new towel, too. Good for you for teaching her. She will thank you later.

Anonymous said...

It's my experience that people don't really care for things until they are forced to pay for them. So YES, make her pay for the towel... and anything else they destroy in the future. :) Works for adults too. lol

All My Monkeys said...

TOTALLY! The only one who's too young for that conswquence is Skyler and I highly doubt he's the child in question. lol. But since they didn't listen the firs time, consequence is necessary. Plus, who's gonna pay for the carpet replacement when you move out of that apartment? You! I'd make them try and scrub the walls too. Then maybe they can buy paint and paint it. (That'd REALLY be going the extra mile. lol I'm so mean. HAHA)

GibsonTwins said...

Really? You're charging your daughter for a hand towel? A hand towel that, at best, costs $5.
I think you are a cheapskate parent. I can't imagine asking my kids to pay for anything, ever, so this is completely unreasonable to me.

Ricci said...

GibsonTwins: if you're only purpose in reading this blog is to fire off and call Rebekah a terrible parent, why do you come back to read it at all other than to continue to judge her?

Never asking your kids to pay for anything, ever? I went to college with those kinds of kids. They felt like they were entitled to anything and had zero respect for people and things.

If kids don't learn to respect small things, what makes you think they'll respect your home, car, or anything else you give them? Sure, it's just stuff, but it's stuff that their parents have worked for and purchased. It shouldn't be the case that they can think they are allowed to ruin things without consequences.

Life Happens said...

I loved the voting option! I am a sentimental person, so I would have been upset about the hand towel from your Aunt getting ruined. That can't be replaced. I also would have been upset about the other hand towel that they ruined. I voted that the child/children should have to give you money for the towel. Actually two towels!

The main issue is that they have clearly disregarded your request to wait for you to help dye their hair. The rule was broken not just once, but twice. Maybe you should ban the hair dye from the house for awhile, too! That's a pretty natural consequence. I totally agree with what All My Monkeys had to say! Some people may consider us to be "Mean Moms", but if it leads to a more thoughtful, responsible child in the future...I'm all for it.

Just thought I would share a story with you. My two sons, 10 and 13, got in an argument in the house one morning before school while I was in the shower...UGH! My older son just went into his room to get away from his angry younger brother. Well...this left only the door in between them. You can probably see where this is going, huh? My 10 year old kicked the bottom of the door and put a hole in it. The door cost $58.00 to replace. Me being the "Mean Mom" that I am...I made my 10 year old son pay for it. Sure, I felt bad that he had to spend the money that he had been saving for a new skateboard, but I thought it was a good time to teach him a few valuable lessons. One...even when he's angry, it's not okay to act out like that and damage property. Two...My husband and I used it as an opportunity to teach him how to calm himself down without resorting to this kind of behavior. We talked to him about how to use his words to express himself AFTER he has calmed down. There is NO need to destroy things or hurt matter how angry he gets! Three...He learned that there is a price to pay when he messes up! He was taught that when he damages something, he will replace it. I am NOT talking about accidents, I'm talking about purposeful damage. He knows now that if he breaks the rules, there are REAL consequences that impact his life. It was a real eye opener for him and we haven't had any repeat performances! The boys still have arguments, but that is expected. Overall, it has been much more peaceful aoround here!

I know that you know this already because you work with kids andI'm sure that you can see that so many kids are super undisciplined! It is a HUGE issue in our society today. Kids need to know that there are consequences for breaking the rules or disobeying their parents. With your daughter/daughters today it's about hair dye, possibly having to do without hair dye, and forking over ten bucks to replace a couple of hand towels. Tomorrow, it could be something much bigger, with much bigger consequences. I'd rather have my kids get a good understanding of consequences now while they are young and the consequences are relatively small. Hopefully, it will limit the number of times that they make bad choices and suffer the bigger consequences.

Well, I'm sure I'll get some flack about this, but that's okay! Just know that you aren't alone in the issues that you have with your kids. I took "Parenting with Love and Logic" parenting classes and I learned a lot from that. As with anything, there were some things that I didn't exactly agree with or choose to follow. Overall it's a good program. They have a "Parenting your TEEN with Love and Logic" book, but I haven't read that book that yet. My teen isn't the one that gives me much trouble. It's the younger one! I am planning on reading the book for teens because I KNOW that I am going to need some new tools and ideas! Hang in there, girl!

Melrose said...

It may "only be a hand towel" but that is not the point, good grief to the nasty commenter. That person obviously has no concept of true love. True love is doing what is best to raise up compassionate, loving, and kind hearted people. It is not kind hearted to damage someone's property no matter how big or small. It is kind hearted to offer to replace something when someone damages it. It is also kind hearted to pay for cleaner or paint and in loving service clean up the mess. Good for you Rebekah.

JC said...

Seriously, GIBSON TWINS is a toxic woman!

Can you ban her from your web page?

She never has anything nice to say about the awesome & always challenging life you lead.

Get rid of her already! She's nothing but a bully and you surely don't need her opinionated thoughts running through your blog!!

Corinne said...

I would totally be charging for it!

If we don't teach our kids to respect property (especially which isn't ours!) I think they'll grow up to be spoiled brats!

Karen said...

I have four kids too. I do make my kids replace stuff they have broken or lost with their allowance. It makes them more accountable.
Doesn't matter if its a jacket or an ipod. If they lose it they pay to replace it. My 15 year old lost her ipod which cost 179. She wasn't too upset until we informed her she would give me half of her babysitting money(every week) and allowance until there was enough to replace it. This took a while but I don't think it will happen again.

webkinzfan said...

I loved the voter options too! I was impressed that there are currently 102 votes for having your daugter take responsibility for her actions and only 2 for No- she's just a kid and will make mistakes and 14 for chill it'd just a towel. I believe that you should have her buy you 2 new towels. I also believe that she shold write you a note of apology stating that she understands why you were upset and that she's sorry. Yes- Gibson Twins totally missed the point!!! Yes kids make mistakes, but parents need to use these mistakes as learning oportunities to teach kids to be thoughtful, respect ther property of others and to take responsibility for their actions. This is not a little kid were talking about here- this is a teenager! Teenagers need to prepare for the rest of their lives and taking responsibility for one's own actions- both financilly and by showing empathy (one towel was special to you because it came from your deceased anut and she neded to understand that it is not the towel itself but it's sentimental value that is the real issue here). I would DEFINATLY be having your daugter buy you at least one towel if not two!!!!! I think you're a great parent. Don't let that toxic bully get to you!!!!! HUGS

GibsonTwins said...

@ Ricci:

What's the difference whether they are wasteful or entitled? If the money comes from our pockets to pay for their so-called "entitlement", then quite frankly you have no room to bitch about it. Kids have to grow up far too fast, and they are fortunate to have the life they do. I'm not stupid in realizing that. Most kids don't have what they have. I never want them to question what something costs or worry that they would break something in our home (handtowel, candle, whatever). It's THEIR home too! What good does it do to punish a child when they make mistakes? You're supposed to guide children positively by praising their accomplishments 10x more than you criticize their misgivings.

I love that I'm a "bully" or a "snob" because my house is not on wheels. Gotta love it.

All My Monkeys said...

I don't think this is an issue of being wasteful or entitled, or even necessarily careless. Nor is it about affluence or lack thereof. Its about willful disobedience. They were asked twice to wait, and both times they did not. They CHOSE to disregard her stipulation/rule. So by not giving them a consequence, her word has no value.

Natural consequence is not "forcing them to grow up too fast." It's enabling them to see, thru cause and effect, that ALL our actions have consequences, some good, some bad. You can "enforce" natural consequence by having a 2 yo pick up all the cheerios he just dumped on the floor. This summer, my 5 and 6 yo chose to disregard me when I told them to stop playing in mud. As a consequence, they got to find out personally how hard it is to scrub mud out of clothes, as they each had to hand scrub their own shirt/shorts, instead of me doing it for them. (Not that I cared about the clothes, they were play clothes, but I told them to stop, and they did not.) This time it was mud. Next time it could be matches. I don't want them to face that kind of consequence. You start small in hopes of avoiding the big. Experience is the best teacher.

(And as a side note, I may have 4 small children, but I get many compliments on how well behaved, well mannered, respectful my children are. Not because I'm a hardass, but because I strongly believe in personal responsibility.)

Stephanie said...

Good discussion. Since the child at fault is a teen who was asked by you to not color her hair until you could help, well my opinion is that requesting her to purchase a new towel is not a terrible punishment. Now if it were my 8 year old that ruined a towel because he used it to scrub his greasy bike chain, then no I would not ask him to replace the towel. In fact I would probably be excited that he actually took it upon himself to clean something!!! Kinda depends on the circumstances. Maybe the next time she needs to color her hair you guys can schedule a fun afternoon of home beauty makeovers and have giggly fun primping and getting pretty together at home. If she had a specific date and time then maybe she wouldn't be in such a rush to do it herself...just a thought