The past few weeks has been pretty incredible. Ive realized that although I thought I was in a place God wanted me to be, I was wrong. It took me being fired from a job to realize that. Isn't it just so twisted and crazy how trials and heartache can bring forth such beauty in the most unlikely places? I cant even count the times I have questioned God....
"Lord why does my mom have Multiple Sclerosis?"
"Why God do I have to get divorced....again?"
"Father, why am I a single mom...this is so hard?"
"Why do I have have to give my son up for adoption God? I love him so much?"
The "why's" are endless.
The answers are not always so plain...right away. Sometimes it takes years to see an outcome, and sometimes the answers never come, and I question Him again.
Ive become quite fond of a mother at the day care center I work at. She is very young but because of her life circumstances, looks very old. She has three children, two are twins and one four year old. All three children are borderline autistic and it shows. She is a single mom and is struggling to keep it together. She is not a Christian but a self proclaimed Wiccan. The daycare center I work for is a Christian ministry. We do not push our beliefs on the children, but instead we only try to set a good example for them and show them His love through our actions. Our demographic is low income and the children that come to our center are all colors of the rainbow, we love that part by the way. Sometimes my boss (the director) will come to my desk and we will stare at the children walking past my desk and he will look at me and say "arnt the children beautiful? Look how colorful they are." They walk by with deep brown, creamy white, and soft tan skin. Beautiful! Its in those moments that I do not question God anymore.
Anyway, back to the lady that I have grown quite fond of. The other day she was having a particularly bad day. Her children were crying and nothing seemed to settle them. I took the four year old on my lap and pulled out a shinny green plastic cross necklace out of the drawer. I looked at her and asked if she would like to have it. She nodded her head and proudly put it on. She walked over to her mom to show it off and I could see a bit of confusion in the mothers eyes. At the time I didn't know she was Wiccan. Instead of getting upset with me for giving her daughter a very Christian symboled necklace, she looked at her daughter and she said this:
"Sweetheart, do you know what that cross means? It means that somebody loves you."
Boy, that statement couldn't be more true.
I'm glad to be in the place I am at. I see beauty in every day. My job is the perfect place for that.
Today I received an email from a gal who is pregnant with her fifth child and the father wants nothing to do with the it and is pushing her towards adoption.
My heart is heavy for her.
"Use me Lord...I'm yours!"