Remember when I was bragging?

Today started out wonderful. Our mornings here in beautiful Colorado have been getting quite chilly. Its so nice to feel the crisp mountain air return. Ive waited all summer for this.

We missed church last week. We played hooky to have a family day so today I decided that we couldn't miss this week. Everyone was dressed and we piled into the Jeep. Much to our dismay the Jeep didn't start. It tried everything I knew to make it work, gave up, and let the kids go play. I decided to scrap church and try to get a hold of my dad to fix my Jeep before I had to return to work.

The kids immediately jumped on their brand new (purchased really cheap at a pawn shop and not really new) bikes. Nothing I could do could get the Jeep to start so I stepped in the house to wash my hands and grab a drink.

This is when it gets REALLY exciting.....NOT REALLY, but OK here we go.

All of a sudden I hear a faint "MOM." My heart sunk. It was a weird "MOM" and sure enough, in comes my youngest two. The older one looked good, it was the younger one who took my breath away. He was oozing dark thick blood all down his face starting at his nose. I don't handle things like this very well. It was way to much blood for me to even know how to deal with it. I scooped up my youngest, set him on the counter, put a clean dish towel on his face, and grabbed the phone.

"911 operator. What is your emergency?"
"My son...my son was in a bicycle accident."

I knew I didn't have a running car and I was to freaked out to drive anyway, so 911 seemed the right choice for me.

The conversation with the women is a blur. I know she had to ask me the same questions over and over because she couldn't understand my babbling through my tears and fear. Skylers face was seriously in bad shape and I could barley stand to look at him without freaking out more. (Note to all my friends and family...do not expect much of me in an emergency situation.) I think Skyler did a better job of holding it together then I did.

By the time the paramedics showed up we were both covered in blood. I stepped out of the way while they examined his mouth and everything else. It was determined that he hit the corner of his eye and gashed his nose. They informed me that it was up to me if I wanted to take him to the hospital or an urgent care or if I wanted them to take us, but it was advised that he be seen by someone. Seeing as how I didn't have a running vehicle, and even if I did I shouldn't be driving, I opted for the ride to the hospital in the ambulance.

Now you would think that Skyler would just be giddy about riding in an ambulance. Its one of his absolutely favorite things besides a trash truck or a tractor...but needless to say, he was not thrilled. Try putting a four year old in shock into a gurney. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. They had to call their supervisor to get permission to at least strap his car seat on the gurney for the trip to the hospital. Permission was given and off we went.

To make a long story short, Skyler required stitches; however, in order to place the stitches in my extremely stubborn and strong willed child, it was decided that he should be sedated. Good call doc!! The only problem was that nobody warned me about the side effects of someone going in and coming out of sedation. Its SOOO scary. They literally hallucinate and loose their sight while coming in and out of that mess. I never want to go through that again.

It was a horrible, no good, very bad day. But I have to say something about my family. All the while I was at the hospital with my youngest, my family rallied together to take care of my other three kids. My sister in law made dinner for the family and an awesome pitcher of tea. She organized the picking up of the house as well. My mom watched the kids at her house and mine and kept the peace. She also gave me a ride home with my precious baby boy, making sure to make a stop at the store so that I could stock up on pop cycles. My brother in law got my car back in order and running. The most embarrassing part of the day is that my Jeep wasn't really broke...I had ran it out of gas. (can I cry some more now?)

I love my family. My mother in law offered me support from afar by text. All in all, I am left with so much (although I wish I could get rid of this "after crying so much" headache.)

Skyler walked out with a hematoma on his eye (AKA: a shiner) and ten stitches in the middle of his face. Here is a before and after picture.

Keep in mind that we had LOTS of waiting time in the emergency room. I had done everything I could to make him comfortable. We were just waiting for the doctor to come in. It was so horrible. He kept looking at me and saying "mommy, Im so sad."

Here is a bit after he was stitched up. He was still woozy from the medication. Can you see his blue stitches?


I think my son needs more then a helmet. I think he needs a football helmet. The cause of this accident was actually a head on collision with another little boy on a bike. His face was the only thing injured. I purposefully put pants and a long sleeve shirt on him just for protection in case he fell. Thank goodness he is OK.

I am sooo happy to end this day. Yesterday I was bragging that my son was riding his bike so well without training wheels, and today Im blogging about how he was blown over by another biker.

He is doing really good now and as predicted, asked to ride his bike as soon as we got home. Of course I promptly answered "NO." LOL It didnt take long for him to get his "spitfire" back.

Good night.

Skyler

Im just completely proud of my bike riding without training wheels, four year old.

It was the first time he took off on his own. Up until this point he couldnt get started by himself. I fully expected to put training wheels on his new/used bike, but to my surprise he got on, took off, and that was the end of it. Sweet thing.

Late night thoughts.

I should be sleeping, or exercising, or something other then blogging, but I cant take my thoughts off a few comments that were made here.

Sarah thinks I should mind my own business and keep my kids away from other kids that do things I don't agree with. I don't go to other peoples houses and just tattle on their kids. I genuinely care about all children and when I see one doing something that I think might potentially hurt them then I feel obligated to at least tell their parents. Didn't parents used to stand together? Didn't we used to have communities of people that would band together to make our children's lives better? Now we find dead children in basements or crawl spaces because, and Ill quote Sarah "its none of our business what other peoples children do." Well call me a nosy busybody if you want to, as a matter of fact call me whatever names you can think of, I don't care. As long as I live I will do what I can to advocate for children until I cant anymore, and for goodness sake, if you see my child stealing something from a store or smoking a cigarette I hope you will by all means butt your little self into my business and come and tell me. THANKYOUVERYMUCH!

Oh and by the way Sarah...thank you so much for posting a comment and being bold enough to actually put your name behind it. I have lots of respect for you.

GibsonTwins was also one of the ones I wanted to respond to. Unfortunately she did not allow us to see her profile. She pointed out that I live in a "low income" neighborhood. In fact I live in such a poor low income neighborhood that I pay nearly nine hundred dollars a month for rent all on my own without assistance. The truth is, you can live in the richest neighborhood in town and you will most likely have a crack head or a drunk living next door to you just like me, the only difference is that you have more money than me but you are NO DIFFERENT then us poor folk. Low income, middle class, upper class, it doesn't matter. We all have ten toes and two legs, and addictions, and temptations. Money doesn't define who we are, its what is inside. Your ignorance makes me sick. There is nothing wrong with spending time with the sick and hurting. I am not afraid to be near pot heads or drunks. I don't engage in their activities, but they are the heart of God, and where the heart of God is...I want to be. You mock Christians by saying that we are "great comedy" yet you hide behind a name. Your comments make me think you are angry with people like me. Is it because I speak my mind? Or is it because I don't believe the way you believe? Or maybe its simply because you don't understand me or you are unable to see another persons (rich or poor) point of view? I don't have the answer. I hope you find peace.

I wont stop fighting for these kids that I feel have been so failed by society. So much hurt, so much madness, no peace. I wish they could know peace. This boy next door that smokes is no different then my children or yours....he just has an unhealthy mom. I just figured that If I could help her, then I could help the kids. That's all.

Peace out! (I'm totally not a rapper)

Im all fired up!

What is going on with parents these days? What has this world come to?

My ten year old son told me the other day that our neighbor kid (who's age is barely fifteen) smokes and to top it off, smoked around him. I wanted to back up the situation with someone else's information so I went to my fourteen year old (who is friends with the (barely) fifteen year old) and asked her about it. She told me that he indeed did smoke and that she had asked him not to smoke around her so that her hair doesn't smell like smoke. She knows that if she were to come home smelling like smoke then I would have her back side on a plate.

I am actually friends with this boys mom. We spent the summer sitting on the back porch laughing and enjoying Skyler running through the grass. We promised each other that we would watch each others kids and if we were to see anything then we would report to the other one the wrong doing and what kid was doing it. We talked about this frequently over the summer while my kids were gone. Of course the times I did talk to her she was either high on pot or so drunk she could hardly walk. I felt the need to spend time with her because she seemed to need a listening ear.

Today, because of our agreement, I decided to text this mom the news of her (barely) fifteen year old smoking in front of my kids. I thought I was doing something good and that she would appreciate the information as I would if my child was smoking and someone reported it to me.

To my surprise, my daughter (the fourteen year old) came to me after getting a text from the (barely) fifteen year old and reported that "His mom and her boyfriend know that he smokes. He didn't get in trouble at all.) She didn't respond to my text but clearly she did forward my text to her son, but not to tell him to stop smoking, but to scold him for being so stupid as to smoke in front of a ten year old and get caught by another adult.

I'm so lost for words. This situation (in my opinion) mirrors several months ago when I went to another mothers door to report that her daughter was kissing on another girl and she responded "well, at least they cant get pregnant doing that."

Our children are smothered in a world of enabling parents (me included in other areas) who would rather sit on their butts and watch TV then take the time to actually go outside and watch their kids play. I'm constantly aware of my children's whereabouts at all times. Of course there are times that they bend the rules and go outside the limits but I do my best to be on top of it.

Its time we are actually interested in the daily activities of our children. I believe that kids these days have to much free time and not enough structured family time, and if there is family time then its "TV TIME."

I think I could scream right now. YOU LET YOUR FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SMOKE!!!!?????!!!!!

Counting kids...

When my kids were young I used to (on a regular basis) think that it would be so nice when they could bathe themselves and clothe themselves, and feed themselves. I thought for sure I would breath a BIG sigh of relief when they could finally wipe their own butts. In my silly little brain I thought I was paying my dues while my children were small.

Things have changed. I no longer have to wipe butts or hand feed the children or dress them (the older ones that is). They do all those things themselves. My worries have shifted. I'm in this stage now that I feel a little over protective. There are so many influences that can get in, I feel like I'm on constant protection mode. Did our parents go through this? I don't remember my parents being this stressed out. LOL

My thoughts very often shift to Tyrus. As I am going through my day and I am trudging through a situation with the big kids or trying to meet the needs of Skyler, I find myself thinking in relief "I'm so glad Rebekah and Ben have Tyrus covered." I say it in my head like he is my kid and then I feel guilty feeling that way because he really is Rebekah and Ben's child now and I don't have to worry about him; however, I don't think those feelings or thoughts will ever ever go away.

I have to keep telling myself that I am not disrespecting R and B by having those feelings, but that its natural. I often find myself driving down the road and looking back into my rear view mirror and counting the kids to make sure I didnt leave any behind. Now certainly I don't look for Ty but its just those moments of busyness's that I think "Is Ty OK? Oh wait, R and B have my back." LOL

Please tell me I'm not crazy!!!!

Rebekah often talks about Ty's graduation and how she longs for me to be there, but she worries how I will feel. Will I feel excedingly happy that he is graduating and accomplished so much, or will I mourn for what I missed as he grew to that stage?

I don't think the answer is an easy one. I would love to go to Ty's high school graduation. It would be so exciting and I would be so honored to share in such a beautiful day. The questions that would be going through my head that day are, "Does Ty want me here? Is he upset at me for the choices I made for him? Is he uncomfortable having me around?" I imagine he will grow up and look very similar to my other kids, but he wont have the same memories, or the same life. Certainly he will grow up knowing he was adopted and hopefully I would have taken a few trips out there so I wasn't a complete stranger, but I am certain that It will be a very emotional day. Of course by then I will have already been to four of my other kids high school graduations. What a weird thought.

The bottom line is, I am very blessed to even be talking about the possibility of going to my birth sons High School Graduation. When does that happen? Only God....Only God.

Peace out!!!

Im always the bad guy!

I'm constantly told that I'm not strict enough with my kids. I'm told that they don't listen to me because they don't respect me....because I am not consistent with them and they need me to be harder on them. People tell me that I cant be a friend to my kids and be a parent at the same time. Recently I was told that I should "let my leash" out on my oldest because she needs some room. Yesterday I was told that my kids are just teenagers and sometimes they have to learn the hard way.

Seriously, my head could explode from thinking about all of this.

I agree that I am a pretty protective mom, yet pretty lenient in other areas, like letting them eat to many Popsicles. or riding their bikes into the night, and staying up late on the weekends, and sometimes (shhhhhh don't tell anybody) letting them eat cereal for dinner and then ice cream after that. I'm all for having fun together as a family but when it comes to other things like...letting my fourteen year old be alone with a boy, or letting the kids go into strangers houses, or crossing a six lane street on a bike, or have to much free time or unsupervised time while I'm at work, or going into strangers houses....that's when I get very very protective.

Why am I protective? I believe that children should be able to make mistakes naturally and then live with the consequences. But what if one of the girls were to fall pregnant at twelve or fourteen? Who gets to suffer those consequences? ME!!! Of course they are the ones that have to carry the baby, but they are under age and so me and their father get to deal with the extra cost and emotional expense. Or what if, per say, one of them becomes addicted to drugs? Who gets to deal with all of that drama? Well, they get to deal with the addiction but I have to deal with the other stuff that goes with it like taking them back and forth to counseling and the doctor and possibly a rehab clinic. I don't have time for that mess!

In my head it just seems simpler to not allow those addictions and temptations to take hold of them by not giving them the opportunity to even experience them. Some may say that its part of growing up...but I disagree. I made it through my whole life without having to "experience" drugs or sex at a very very young age. I think its ok NOT to do those things yet still experience life in other "safer" ways.

On the other hand, it has become nearly impossible to keep track of every waking moment my children have. I have tried and tried to keep account of all their activities so as to prevent the early pregnancies and drug temptations. I have literally driven myself crazy trying to keep everyone in this little shell. I am simply exausted.

How do I find a place that feels comfortable, yet still keeps the kids safe and accountable? How do I lay down the rules and feel positive about it? Im certain Im not the only parent that has these insecurities or struggles. The difference with me is that I dont have a husband to talk over things with and make decisions with. I find myself just living out of fear that my kids are going to get pregnant or do drugs and then as a result not live healthy productive lives. I cant keep my eye on all four of them at all times when Im responsible for getting dinner ready and paying the bills and bathing a four year old, and cleaning up the house, and keeping the laundry current, and keeping food in the house, and holding down a forty hour a week job, and keeping the kids in church.....sigh!

I need a husband....or maybe a part time nanny....or just some encouragment!!

Will I make it through?

Fall is most certainly on its way. The nights are colder and the trees are starting to turn yellow. Ive begged and prayed for this time of year to come. I am DONE sweating my butt off; however, this morning when I woke up after sleeping all night with the window open, I wondered what I was thinking to pray the cool weather here. I was FREEZING and wondered how I was going to make it through a shower being so cold.

With the change in weather comes sickness. Here at my house we are getting our first dose of it. Matthew woke up with croup. He is old enough to stay home by himself so I wont miss work but I wonder who is next. If Skyler gets sick I will have to stay home. This is when I wish I had a husband to help. I wouldn't miss so much work if I could trade off with someone.

So finally...

after watching the balloon lift off down town,

and taking really weird pictures of myself because I was bored late one night,

and putting up the harvest (Fall) tree. Which I made by myself thankyouverymuch!

Fall is most certainly here, and I couldnt be happier.

Thank you everyone for the wonderful encouraging comments on my last post. I treasure your words. Have a great day!!!!

Uggggg

Today was a very hard day at work. Things are going great but the new procedures are really hard.

Anyway, it has left me tired and grumpy. I really really want to have a fun night out with friends. I was supposed to go out last Friday but Chelsea was babysitting for my boss and I wanted to be home for her to call if she felt she needed me.

I am so grumpy and I think it has rubbed off on the kids. I feel horrible about it. Does anyone else get grumpy?

How many times can a child call out "mom" while in bed just to get attention.

Have you ever found yourself saying "now thats to many hugs....go to sleep."
Seriously? Can a child have to many hugs? Apparently I can because I said it....tonight.

Ok thats it....Im done for the day. Good night!