Sunday, September 19, 2010

Im all fired up!

What is going on with parents these days? What has this world come to?

My ten year old son told me the other day that our neighbor kid (who's age is barely fifteen) smokes and to top it off, smoked around him. I wanted to back up the situation with someone else's information so I went to my fourteen year old (who is friends with the (barely) fifteen year old) and asked her about it. She told me that he indeed did smoke and that she had asked him not to smoke around her so that her hair doesn't smell like smoke. She knows that if she were to come home smelling like smoke then I would have her back side on a plate.

I am actually friends with this boys mom. We spent the summer sitting on the back porch laughing and enjoying Skyler running through the grass. We promised each other that we would watch each others kids and if we were to see anything then we would report to the other one the wrong doing and what kid was doing it. We talked about this frequently over the summer while my kids were gone. Of course the times I did talk to her she was either high on pot or so drunk she could hardly walk. I felt the need to spend time with her because she seemed to need a listening ear.

Today, because of our agreement, I decided to text this mom the news of her (barely) fifteen year old smoking in front of my kids. I thought I was doing something good and that she would appreciate the information as I would if my child was smoking and someone reported it to me.

To my surprise, my daughter (the fourteen year old) came to me after getting a text from the (barely) fifteen year old and reported that "His mom and her boyfriend know that he smokes. He didn't get in trouble at all.) She didn't respond to my text but clearly she did forward my text to her son, but not to tell him to stop smoking, but to scold him for being so stupid as to smoke in front of a ten year old and get caught by another adult.

I'm so lost for words. This situation (in my opinion) mirrors several months ago when I went to another mothers door to report that her daughter was kissing on another girl and she responded "well, at least they cant get pregnant doing that."

Our children are smothered in a world of enabling parents (me included in other areas) who would rather sit on their butts and watch TV then take the time to actually go outside and watch their kids play. I'm constantly aware of my children's whereabouts at all times. Of course there are times that they bend the rules and go outside the limits but I do my best to be on top of it.

Its time we are actually interested in the daily activities of our children. I believe that kids these days have to much free time and not enough structured family time, and if there is family time then its "TV TIME."

I think I could scream right now. YOU LET YOUR FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SMOKE!!!!?????!!!!!


Life Happens said...

It really is sad to me how many parents are so out of touch with their children and the things that go on in their lives. That's bad enough, but to actually KNOW that your child is dong something that is bad for them and to be so non- chalant about it, well, it actually makes me sick to my stomach. I don't even know what to suggest because I am really at a loss for words. Based on what you revealed about this child's mother and her own drug and alcohol use, it sounds like this family really needs some intervention. My prayers go out for you and for them. What an unfortunate situation.

Tanya and Mattea said...

Not sure why this is a surprise to you. His mom was drunk or high most of the time and you chose to befriend her, what did you think her son would be like? Keep your head up, positive modeling is an excellent parenting tool and although you may not notice the reward now, you will when they are older!

sarah said...

I think it's absolutely NONE of your business what OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN DO.

And who cares if that girl was kissing another girl? Whaddya gonna do, haul her to the streets and stone her?

If you don't agree with the smoking kid, then tell YOUR kids to move away from him. Kinda like what Chelsea did.

Jamie said...

As a teacher I see parents like this all the time. They self medicate their lives. Its so sad. Yes, it is your business. You care. You don't want him to go down the wrong road. Her actions are neglectful. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

GibsonTwins said...

This is the kinda thing you expect in low income neighborhoods. Why is this something so "unexpected" to you?

Aren't you always complaining about your kids being promiscuous and "tempted" etc?

~Katie said...

Never ever would I allow my CHILD to smoke and 15 years old is a CHILD indeed. However, we differ on sexuality. It's none of my business who another chooses as their partner. That's between them and God, and frankly, I don't think god makes mistakes. - BUt the smoking thing is outrageous!

Gigi said...

My parents didn't know I did it at 15 but I did and I do know a kid that dips at 15 with their parents permission. Saw him this weekend with his dad. This kid wears the baggy pants that I hate and has 3 tatoos, cusses like a sailor and it doesn't matter who is around. Parents let it happen. Kids know who is doing what thats for sure. You have to stay on top of it to keep other kids from rubbing off on your kids.

Rebekah said...

Crazy. If this boy hangs out with your kids often, I would take it as an opportunity to take him in and show him some love. Sounds like he needs it.

Anonymous said...

I find it discusting what parents will allow anymore as normal activities. :( Seriously. And WHERE ARE THESE DARN PARENTS!! I swear, it drives me batty! It seems the norm for parents to not get home from work until after 6pm... maybe cook a real dinner with any nutritional value... and they have NO CLUE what the kids are doing.. Aren't your kids supposed to be your first priority. Very frustrating when this is what my kids have to look forward to for "peers"

GibsonTwins said...

My God are you guys judgemental?!?! Did you forget Rebekah gave her kid away? Did you forget that she thought one of her daughters was a lesbian? Did you forget that she lives off the government? And yet you praise her ability to hang out with a crackhead alcoholic whose son smokes and then bitch about it?? REALLY???

Bible thumpers are great comedy.

Sarah said...

Rebekah- love your post. When I clicked on the comment section, negative comments were the last thing I ever expected to see!! To me it is clear that you became friends with this woman, to not only provide stability in her life, but probably in hopes you might be able to help her. Regardless, of the parents made an agreement with this woman to let her know if her son was doing something he should not be- and honoring that is the right thing to do.

Everyone of us has at some point looked at a teenager in the mall or at walmart and wondered where their parents were, or felt they just needed more parental influences in their lives. Sure, Rebekah is judging, but no more than any of us have-- she is just putting what we all have thought out there.

Life Happens said...

Wow, I really can't believe some of the comments here. I re-read the post looking for signs of Rebekah being judgemental. I really didn't see that. I see a woman that is just in DISBELIEF that a neighbor is knowingly allowing her young teen to smoke. She never called her a pathetic loser, or a low life. That would be judging in my yes. Rebekah was merely stating the facts about this woman and her addictions. As far as the butting in comments are concerned, it wasn't butting in! Rebekah and this boys mother had talked about keeping an eye out on eachothers children and sharing any concerns with eachother. Rebekah got involved because she has a heart and she cares about this boy. Rebekah, you did the right thing. It's just sad that you are getting so much flack and negativity about it.

Andi-bo-bandi said...

Ha ha ha! I'm sorry but I am laughing at some of these comments. Is this "GibsonTwins" person for real??? My God, how out of touch with reality can you be? "Low income neighborhoods"? For serious? Yet she would dare to challenge your views on homosexuality yet it is OK for her to call out the "poor folk". Gimme a break.

Rock on, Rebekah. I am glad you said something to his mom even if she allows him to do it. You did what you felt was right and now I say just leave it be. We can care about others children, but we can only parent our own.

PS I have not hidden my profile. So click away all! ;) Have a blessed day.

Anne said...

After reading your post today, I had to go back and read this post and the comments. Goodness, I don't think I could ever blog for this very reason. The "GibsonTwins" comments are so sad on many levels but the mean spiritedness is beyond weird. It actually makes me think this is someone who knows you and is trying to make other readers think there are actually other people out there who would say such things and is posting under some "alias". When I read both comments, I immediately thought this was not simply another reader....this is someone trying to hurt you personally. I would not give this reader one moment of your energy. If I were you, if you can, I would delete her comments before reading them. There is NO purpose in her comment, except to hurt you. Very sad really.
As a mom of 3 grown children and one still in high school, I have found over and over that most parents really do not want to know about this kind of behavior from other parents. There are VERY few people who really want to know and it is rare that good actually comes from letting another parent know. I learned pretty early on to sit back, watch and pray and if I believe that I am being disobedient by NOT sharing then I do contact a parent. Otherwise, I don't. You will learn as time goes on what is best for you and your "system". Just continue being watchful and continue to pray for wisdom.
One very practical thing I have done for many years is to implement the 24 hour rule. If I feel strongly I should "share" with a parent, I always wait at least 24 hours after learning of something to make sure I have had time to consider my response.
You are doing an amazing job and I love your heart.....LOVE your heart.