After my birth son was born and I was starting to just get re-adjusted to my new "normal," I started thinking about what I had just been through. The tragedy of the situation was all over my life physically and emotionally. It was literally a process to just get through each day and start feeling normal again.
The good news is I did start to feel normal again. As the years passed I was able to loose a lot of weight, get a job, and feel human again. Today I feel like my life is steady. I longed for steady for so many years and even though I know that can change at the drop of a dime...it feels good to say that I am happy.
Five years have come and gone since my sweet birth son was born. Ive continued to blog on and off over these years, mostly about my children I have chosen to parent, but a little about the adoption. It hasn't been until recently when I told my complete adoption story here , that I started to realize that I did have a voice. It was apparent that my story was important to share and that someone could benefit from all my sadness and then of course from the beauty of it as well.
About a week ago I received a random email from a man from an adoption agency. The email basically asked if I wanted to collaborate with other birth moms writing articles on different subjects involved with adoption and being a birth mother. These articles would be posted on the agencies blog as well as other adoption related blogs. I had received a few of these requests before and although I was eager to partner up with other birth moms to do this I never received an answer from these other agencies and nothing came from it. Thinking that this would be the same situation as before I sent a quick email to this gentleman telling him that I would be happy to be involved in such a wonderful cause. Again, I didn't expect to hear from him.....but I did. The same day he sent me a list of subjects to write about and asked me to pick one and submit it.
There were only a few rules that he explained to me in the email. He said that the article had to be on one of the subjects he sent to me and it had to be 400 words or more. That sounded reasonable so I picked a subject and set out writing. This was going to be fun. I was so excited to be part of something that might help out another sweet birth-mother to be.
The article I chose to write was titled: Why open adoption is better for everyone involved. And here is what I wrote.
Hello! My name is Rebekah. I am 39 years old and I am a mom to five wonderful children. Four of those children I chose to parent, and my fifth child I chose not to parent. My birth son is now five years old so I write this article with quite a bit of perspective on the subject of open adoption.
In my ninth week of pregnancy I started to consider adoption. It was such a foreign word to me and I didn’t know much about it. I did know that I had questions that had to be answered before I was to fully commit to placing my sweet baby up for adoption. One of the questions that had to be answered was, “Would my baby have any emotional damage in later years if I put him up for adoption?” I was very concerned about how he would feel about his life and the choices I was about to make for him.
So I set out to answer this question.
The first thing I did was look up the definition of adoption. That should help right?
According to Wikipedia.org, the definition of adoption is as follows: Adoption is a process whereby a person assumes the parenting of another, usually a child, from that person’s biological or legal parent or parents, and, In doing, permanently transfers all rights and responsibilities, along with filiation, from the biological parent or parents.
That’s not what I was looking for. I needed something more personal…I needed to talk to someone who had been adopted. You can always read books and articles but I wanted to know exactly what was going to happen to my baby if I gave him up for adoption. What was he going to feel when he was fifteen or twenty or thirty? What damage will I cause to him by doing this if any at all. So I scowered the internet looking for anyone who was adopted who would talk to me. I found what I was looking for.
I spoke to several people who had been adopted…and I got the same answer from all of them. It usually went something like this. “Ive actually had a great life. My adoptive parents were always kind to me and I had a wonderful childhood….but….Im sad that I don’t know where I came from.”
A bell went off in my head. These people did NOT have bad lives…in fact they had very fulfilling lives but there was one thing that was missing…ROOTS!! Everyone wants to know where they came from. The sadness that these people were describing to me was something I could solve for my son if I gave him up for adoption. If…I went with adoption it would have to be open…very open. I didn’t want him to ever wonder where he came from. So when the time came to make my decision it was easy. I had my proof, and open adoption was my choice and I am so glad I did. My birth son is five years old now and we have a wonderful open relationship. He asks me questions (yes at five years old he is very inquisitive) and I am able to answer them honestly. My son will grow up never wondering where he came from. I hope as the years pass I am able to continue this open relationship with my birth son and his family.
Open adoption has helped me in more ways than one. I have four other children ages 8-18. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was to tell my children they were going to have to say good-bye to their brother. Open adoption gave them the opportunity to always stay in contact with their youngest brother despite the fact that he was part of another loving family.
My son will grow up never wondering where he came from. I thank God for open adoption.
Thank you for reading,
You can find the published article here.
You can find the published article here.
I attached it in a word document and emailed it over. I hoped they would like it. I really don't see myself as a good writer. I write from my heart and that's all I can offer really.
The same day I received an email from the agency saying that they LOVED the article and asked where they could submit the payment? PAYMENT? I didn't know there was payment involved. I was so excited. Not only was I getting the pleasure of using my voice and my story to help other people but I was getting paid to do it. What a dream.
Two days later they emailed me back and said they would like me to write another article. There are no words that explain how honored I am to be able to do this. I hope that someone, somewhere, read my story and finds hope and encouragement.