Monday, October 13, 2014

Part 6: We finally meet...

I got my answer the very same day.  Here are the words of a woman who I would soon learn was filled with so much kindness and love. This was the woman who would be the mother to my soon to be born son, and yes, ironically, we had the same name with the same rare spelling. God really knows how to make things interesting. 

“Hi, Rebekah, it's Rebekah!
First of all, I have only ever met one other person that spelled her name the same way as mine...That definitely makes us instant friends!  :)

I'm not really sure what to say here...My heart is beating out of my chest and I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since our agency called us a couple of hours ago....I'm afraid I might say too much....or too little...that I'll scare you with my exuberance or shock you with my calm.  I don't know what "adoption etiquette" would say about how our first conversation should go...All I know how to do is speak from the heart, so here I go...

Never in a million years would I have thought that our match would come from a birth mom who found me in blog world.  I'm stunned.  I started my blog so that one day I could make a book for our baby, in hopes that it would express just how much we went through for him/her.  Little did I know how therapeutic the writing would become for me.  I think I, unknowingly, was a people pleaser.  I would paste a smile on my face and walk around telling people I was doing great...but inside I was a hollow pit that just could not understand why having/adopting a baby had to be so difficult.  My blog has given me confidence to come out from behind the smoky glass and just be real and raw with the way I'm feeling.  That being said, when the agency called and said you were requesting us after reading my blog, it instantaneously felt right!  I mean, we put a lot of time into our profile for the agency (hours and hours, in fact), but even that only gives a small glimpse of who we really are as people.  My blog is so intimate...and personal (sometimes I questions why I let a gazillion strangers in on all of it!)  If you truly read through our blog and picked Ben and I to parent your baby, you have such a closer look into our life than anyone else who may come across our profile. 

I cannot tell you the joy that filled my heart with the possibility of getting linked with your family.  This process is so long and emotional that it starts to feel like it will never happen...that maybe there's something wrong with us...or maybe we weren't meant to be parents.  If for no other reason but to offer hope, you have brought so much light to our hearts...thank you!

As far as "picking" you, Ben and I have no reservations and welcome the opportunity to continue conversations!  We knew that flying out-of-state might be an option and we're open to it. (I've never actually been to Colorado and would jump at the chance to go! I hear the mountains are breathtaking!)  Ben and I were prepared to be a part of doctor visits and offer as much support as desired by the birth mom.  The distance will probably limit those possibilities, but we will do whatever we can to support you across the miles!  As far as openness goes, we are flexible.  Adoption Associates is actually a "semi-open" adoption agency (the only exception would be birth mothers that wish to keep the adoption closed).  Semi-open means that we are required to meet with the birth mother one time before the baby is born and then we are to provide her with pictures and letters 4 times a year for the first two years and then twice a year after that.  Anything more is determined between the adopting family and the birth mom.  We completely understand your reasons for wanting to have a more open relationship, especially for your kids.  We can talk about this more, but it certainly would not stand in the way of us adopting your baby.  Not only would updates help you and your kids see how the baby was doing, I think they would be really helpful in giving the baby a full picture of who he/she is.  I have heard of other adopting parents that keep pictures of the baby's family in the nursery, along with scrapbooks, so that there is never a question on just how much everyone loves him/her!

Rebekah, I have to say....I read through your blog and looked through all your myspace pictures, and I'm so impressed.  I am so impressed with the strength I see in you....and the unparalleled love for your kids.  You are exactly the kind of mom that I would "pick" if I was given the opportunity! 

Is there anything specific that you would like to know about Ben and me?
We are looking forward to talking with you more!

Lots of Love,

If we had only known then what we know now there wouldn’t have been so many questions. I think open adoption was scary for the both of us. I wanted an open adoption for the sake of my children but I didn’t want to be an imposition on this soon to be new family of three. I wanted them to have the privacy they deserved but I just wanted glimpses into their lives here and there. 

The next few months were filled with lots of phone calls, letters, presents and happiness. Ben, Rebekah and I were just so eager to meet each other. It was so exciting. A trip was planned to meet in the next coming weeks. 

In the background of all the fun commotion I was preparing myself. I knew what was to come was going to be challenging…well….more than challenging. I was expecting it to be the hardest thing I would ever have to go through. I desperately tried to find more and more birth moms to talk to in hopes of preparing myself for the end….for the good bye. I was not looking forward to it. 

In the meantime we prepared for our trip. Me and my kids were so excited we could hardly stand it. I remember the day vividly. I had made crock pot sloppy joes in case anyone was hungry and we had planned a day of fun all focused on my kids. I wanted to make sure they had fun and I wanted to make sure they got to know Ben and Rebekah. Not only did I have to prepare myself to give my child to another couple…I had to prepare my three young children to say goodbye to their brother. This was going to be tough. 

The day came and Rebekah and Ben walked through my door. They never said a thing about my run down apartment or the size of my overgrown pregnant body….we only embraced in a very long and meaningful hug. We were family…I could already tell. 

Here are some pictures from our fun day!

 We attended my churches Easter play, ate pizza, rode go-carts and just enjoyed each others company.
 The kids seemed to really enjoy themselves.

 The time came for them to say good-bye. The next time we would see them would be "birth day."
It was hard saying good-bye. I felt very close to them and I was feeling quite lonely and anxious for what was to come. It was a scary place to be in.

Click here for Part 7!


glenda said...

What a beautiful family full of love towards one special little man Ty. Best to all of you always!

Glorified Babysitter said...

I have read Heart Cries for 3 or 4 years now - and have known about you, but I'm so glad to hear it from your side...this is such a beautiful story!