Missing Ty.....

Two wonderful friends of mine wanted to bless me today. One watched all four of my kids while the other did all my laundry and cleaned my house. I am beyond blessed by these two wonderful ladies.

I myself had a busy day. I cleaned my moms house for her, and then mom treated me to a belated birthday lunch at one of my favorite restaurants. I then went and spent about a half hour with my best friend and then had to run and get my kids.

I was looking forward to picking up the kids. Of course I missed my kids but more then that, I needed my baby fix. The lady that was watching them was pregnant at the same time I was with Tyrus. In fact we were due the same week putting her little girl and little Ty at the same age.

So, Im driving down the road to get them. Its a pretty long drive, past NORAD, and onto a military base, which is ware I needed to pick up the kids. In order to get onto the base you have to exit your car, open up all the compartments, and dig out your license, registration, and proof of insurance. I was able to dig out all but the insurance card.

I was so upset. They would NOT let me on the base. I started to get flustered. You see, I really needed to hold the baby. I dont know why I felt so desperate to hold a baby but I did and now I was so upset because they wouldnt let me in. I called my friend and told her that I couldnt drive to her house and that she would have to bring the kids to me. She was fine with that and promised to be right there.

I sat in the parking lot and nearly cried. I knew that she didnt know how I was feeling and would probably leave the baby home because it was such a quick trip, and I was just so upset. I know this little girl is not Ty, but she is the closest thing to him and it feels so good to have her in my arms.

So Im sitting there and I see her driving up and she looks at me and said "I brought the baby." I snatched her up as soon as she could get her out of the car seat. She was the chubbiest piece of heaven I had seen since Ty. I loved every minute of holding her in the parking lot, next to a HUGE helicopter and tank topped with guns. Thanks Sheila for sharing your baby love with me...I needed it.

I was just talking to Rebekah about this the other day. She asked me how I was doing and I told her I was doing fine, and truly I am. I am so happy with how everything has turned out...but I think its OK for me to miss Ty, to miss his soft baby skin, fuzzy little head, and deep dark eyes. I wish I could see him. I miss him so much. My heart is soothed when I read posts like this, and get random phone calls from Rebekah giving me cool updates on Ty. I love it and am in no way regretting anything, but sometimes, its OK to just be sad. Maybe its because I started my period, but I think its just because I miss Ty.