Monday, October 5, 2009

Whats in a dad?

I remember my dad growing up. He wasn't the perfect father, but I looked up to him. I loved going out to the garage and watch him work on his many wood projects. He would make beautiful book shelves and even could make fun guns out of wood that would shoot rubber bands. He was a kid at heart, and loved to joke around and play jokes on people. My dad wasn't perfect...in fact he hurt me deeply many times in my life, but he was still my dad. Looking back on my life, I'm glad he was around....but I cant say that for my kids. Their dad isn't here...and unfortunately I don't think that will change.

I recently was considering moving closer to him in an effort to give the kids a chance to grow up with their dad. I see that they are lacking in a lot of areas, and I wanted to see if maybe it would work out for us to go and be closer to him. First thing I had to do was talk to him and make sure we were on the same page. I knew that if I lived closer to him that he would probably have them every weekend and with that arrangement I wanted to make sure that he would take them to church because otherwise they would never go.

I presented a few thing to him, as my expectations to going to Arizona depended on him complying with them or I would not go. They were simple things like taking the kids to church when he could, refraining from allowing the kids to watch movies like "the grudge," and "saw." Not allowing the kids to drink alcohol of any kind...things that probably to the ordinary parent would be a given...but not for this man. He is different.

After presenting these things to him...his response was that he would rather just have the kids in the summer, where he could do things the way he wanted to do things, rather then changing and becoming unhappy. In essence...he is not willing to change to make the kids lives better. He would rather just stay the way he is, miss out on the kids lives for practically the whole year, and continue leading his very cooshy life. I am so mad I could scream. How can someone be so selfish? How can someone let their children watch those horrible movies? How can you not be concerned about your child's spiritual walk?

So I am stuck. I can go to Arizona and get the help I desperately need, but in the process probably loose the kids to him as far as their spirituality....or I can stay here in Colorado and hope and pray that I am able to meet all the needs of the kids.

I am not willing to risk my kids not being taught the truth. What is the truth? The truth is that we are only here on this earth temporarily. This life is only a prerequisite for what is to come. I WANT my kids to be with me in Heaven. I have this HUGE responsibility to teach them about God and Jesus and the plans He has for our future. Unfortunately the kids father does not share that same conviction.

So I stay in Colorado.

10 comments:

H said...

Wow, Rebekah...you are inspiring! I have read your blog for months now, but haven't commented yet. What you said is SO true; only things that are spiritual will last. I think it's wonderful that you have made this the #1 priority in your life, and I know that God will honor you for it. Before I got married (which seemed like it took FOREVER), one of my favorite verses was the one in the OT that talks about God being a husband to us...can't remember exactly where at the moment...but there are TONS of verses about Him being our Father. I know you would rather that your kids have a dad in their lives, but I think you are so WISE for not going into a situation that you know deep down will cause more harm than good. I'm going to start praying that God will send some godly men into the lives of those kids, whether it's from church or somewhere else, so that they can have a great example to follow. And I'm also going to pray that they begin to understand that God is the Heavenly Father Who will never leave them or forsake them. Keep living for the Lord, Rebekah...you are an encouragement!!!

Lerin said...

:( Stay strong, Mama!

kalibug said...

Glad you are standing up for your kids. Kids need good role models, and just because he shares DNA with them, does not make him a dad, just a father that needs to step it up! These are the years that are going to form your kids thinking processes. Praying for you all.

birthmothertalks said...

I have learned that I can't control my ex husband. I think if your children are spending the summers with him (compared to every other weekend) I think the example of who he is.. is going to affect them. However, you as their Mom can be their role model for them. Only in the past few months, have I opened up to knowing and understand God. I wasn't a bad parent before then. Only you know what is best for your kids. Thanks for sharing.

Shelly said...

Its hard when family does not believe the way you do. As someone who has parent inlaws who do not believe the same as we do about things, it becomes a big prayerful issue about kids visiting. We (my husband and I) feel that we have the final authority over our kids and if we are not comfortable with something that is being taught by family members, we speak up about it. We do limit the amount of visiting time w/ grandparents to one week in the summer w/out parents. Ask God to open doors of opportunity and wisdom to know what doors to go through. He has a place for you and He will let you know where that is. I hope this helps somewhat. I will be praying.

Anonymous said...

There are also men that are living with their children, take them to church but ignore them when they have them daily. Just because the dad is close by or in the same house does not mean it will work better. I pray that you can be their role model or that a Godly man will step up help teach these children what is truely important. Glynda

Rebekah said...

I'm praying that God brings other men into your kids' lives to help strengthen and encourage them in their walk. Do all that you can and let God handle the rest. You're a good mama!

Anonymous said...

You are so good for your children. I bet it would be easier on you if he would do his part on a regular basis, but boy what a trade off to get that. Praying for someone new to come into your life.

Allison said...

I have been reading for a while now but dont think I have ever commented. I think you are doing the right thing. Although I know you want your children to have a father figure all the time, you know in your heart that staying in colorado will be more beneficial for their faith. If he is not going to try to raise them the way that you KNOW they should be raised then it would be a constant battle between what you know is right and what he wants to do. I commend you on doing what is best for your children even if its not the easy road- You are a great mom and you always have your childrens wellbeing first and foremost. Follow your gut, pray unceasingly, and leave the rest to God! :)

Dave and Elaine said...

God Bless You! I just came across your blog for the first time today and I know I will continue to visit.

My husband & I adopted a baby girl this summer through a semi-open adoption. After 2 years of infertility God brought us this miracle baby girl.

I find myself thinking about our birth mom more often than I thought I would. Like you described in your blog, our birth mom came to the decision of adoption because she knew she could not raise the child and desired to give her daughter up for adoption. I have high respect for her and you. It is such a blessing to read your story and the words you have written (so beautifully) on this blog about the emotions of giving a baby up for adoption.

Thank you for sharing your story.