Thursday, September 3, 2009

Just another day in paradise??

My day begins HOPEFULLY before the children wake up. Most mornings I am graced with little Skyler screaming for his chocolate NULK (Skyler talk for milk). But most days the cell phone alarm goes off at six o'clock and I scramble out of bed, eyes half opened, and TRY to get a pot of coffee started. Usually I am thinking about how Ill never drink this whole pot by myself and soon I need to invest in one of those one to two cup coffee pots since its just me.

I put the coffee on and run to my room and switch the computer on to see if I have any interesting emails, usually I don't, but its worth a try. I check facebook, listen to the coffee brewing still hoping that the kids stay in bed a few minutes longer so I can maybe have one cup of coffee before the day starts. Then I remember that if Skyler sleeps to long into the morning (even six o'clock is to late) he will pee in his diaper and it WILL leak onto his bed. I decide that I am going to risk it and enjoy my one cup of coffee that now has finished brewing.

Six thirty rolls around and now comes the task of waking up the two middle children who's bus comes at seven twenty. Normally I would release them to walk to the bus stop (which is a short walk across the field and totally visible from my back porch) early, however, they have proven to me that in a few short minutes, they are capable of getting into quite a bit of trouble. So the new rule is they stay home as long as possible and wait it out till the bus comes. This also includes Chelsea (the eighth grader who takes a different bus at a later time but likes to go to the bus with her brother and sister so she can hang out with the "boys") who recently got into a verbal altercation with a lady who is twice her age because Chelsea thinks she is an adult and so she told an adult off. So, needless to say, the children do not go to the bus early.

Ahem...I left off at six thirty. The children are woken up (after about fifteen minutes of re waking them up). Luckily we get showers the night before and so all the kids have to do is get dressed, brush their teeth, get the back packs ready and shoes on. This sounds easy but it is not. I seriously have to post a "before school check list" for the kids because it truly drives me crazy to have to question the children each morning...

"Did you brush your teeth?"
"MOOOOMMMMM! You tell me to do that every morning."
"Well sweetheart, If you did it without me telling you then I wouldn't have to tell you then now would I?"
"OK mom!"

Two kids down...two to go. Time to clean up the bed full of pee and the baby full of pee but of course he isn't really a baby now is he? But he does still ware a diaper to bed, I just wish they would last the night. I think "I really need to cut off his drinking at seven o'clock....but then again I could wake him up earlier and make him pee." UGGG!! To much to think about so I just clean up the pee. Chelsea is on the computer again. I hate that. Any chance she gets she gets on the computer so I have had to make some rules. The new rules are that she isn't allowed on the computer until she is COMPLETELY ready for school or bed...whatever time of the day it happens to be.

I regress she is on the computer and I worry...and I think "what is she doing on there? Is she talking to boys again? What are they talking about? I want her off the doesn't seem safe...but I don't want to be an overbearing mom." See the battles I have in my head. They are constant, and on going, never ending and they are soon to drive me to the loony bin.

Eight o'clock rolls around and I get Chelsea off to school. Some how in the middle of all the crazy "getting the kids ready for school" business, I have to get myself and my last child (little Sky) out the door so that I can get to work. But I have not made time to eat breakfast. I am a maid, so for me to leave the house without breakfast is not smart. I NEED food to get me through the three to four hours of hard core cleaning or I wont make it. So, usually I eat the lunch I packed for breakfast, while driving, leaving me with no lunch but of course I will worry about that later.

Grab my stuff, grab my son, hope he doesn't have to pee in the fifteen minute drive to day care (he has no diaper on just big boy undies) try to remember if I am forgetting anything and walk to the jeep.

Arrive at day care, go in and hope that Sky does OK for the day. I'm wondering if he has extra clothes because no matter how good Sky pees at home, at day care he has one or two accidents and I just cant figure out why. I kiss my little guy good bye and I'm off to work.

Rebekah is my name and cleaning is my game. I do enjoy my job but it is very very hard work. By the time I am done (because of my weight) I am beat. My feet hurt and my legs hurt and I walk about ten times slower then I did when I started. Its quite a work out. When cleaning time is over I head straight home....wait for the kids to get home from the bus (which is usually about five minutes after I get home)...and basically start the morning routine over again but in reverse, just throw in a meal...a lot of clean up and a few dirty kids and its sort of the same.

I'm exhausted when eight o'clock rolls around. I truly have nothing left in me and tend to be a bit crabby (which I'm trying to watch). I try to remember that I am the one that sets the mood of the house and If I am irritated and punchy, then the children will be as well...and that's not a good thing. It leads to all kinds of problems. LOL

Needless to say, our days are very busy, disorganized, and I worry a lot about the choices I make. I'm not talking about the big decisions you have to make for your kids, I'm talking about the teeny weeny little decisions you have to make on an HOURLY basis that make a HUGE impact in your children's future. Those are the ones I worry about. I find my mind wondering all the time to things like "Am I doing this parenting thing right? Am I screwing up my kids? How Can I make Victoria loose weight so she doesn't get teased? Why is Matt so angry? Why is Chelsea so boy crazy? Is that cut on Skyler's foot infected? I need to take Matt to the doctor for his asthma. What? Chelsea has a dance? Is she kissing boys at school? I never went to dances. Will she be touching boys at this dance...will they be touching her? Am I doing this I screwing up my kids?....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! It drives me crazy.

Paradise? I don't think so...but...and there is always a but...anyone who is a mother would back me up...I wouldn't have it any other way, well thats not entirely true...I would change the fact that I am a single mom. God did NOT design parenting to be for one person...its just not normal. So If I could change anything it would be to add a wonderful, loving, honest, hard working, lover of God, and lover of ME (its all about me ya know LOL), MAN to my house. Thats it!!


mak'n Changes said...

Which is exactly why I tell you, you are the strongest person I know! You amaze me!

Anonymous said...

Hey girl. Sounds like you have one crazy busy schedule!!! Just wanted you to know that if you ever need any help or someone to talk/vent to you can always call me! The Lord is our strength and He will give you the strength to get through! Lean on Him. Give your children to Him. He will keep them safe and give you all much grace :-) You are in my prayers. Oh and P.S. I think your children are awesome and beautiful! As are you!

cc said...

Whew, wore me out reading that post..(ha).
You are such an amazing woman.

I've been a single mom too. It's extremely hard. You have to make all the decisions and then wonder--was that the right way to handle that--
I feel for you. I pray for you.

Just know you aren't alone, God is there with you.


cc said...

...Oh and P.S. ....
I think I may be guilty of not sending the email you look for.
Sorry, it's just been a little crazy this week.
I'll email you...promise!

Camdon's Momma said...

You are doing one amazing job as a single mom. I look up to you for your strength, from one single mom to another, and your determination in life. You may be having all those thoughts running thru your head.....but I would be worried if you didn't have them as it shows you are an amazing, caring parent who is just trying to do good for her children and herself.

Jen said...

I just wanted to say you are doing a fantastic job... I can't even imagine how busy you are! I'm glad the new job is going well :) I think we all worry about those little decisions (and those big ones!), I know I do... but I think the fact that we DO worry about them and try our hardest to do what's best for our kids means we're doing something right.

Anonymous said...

:) Sounds like a great day to me! Parenting is always crazy. And I only have 2! My oldest is 3 and she still wears a diaper at night. If you haven't tried them, the huggies overnights are awsome! They really help that leaking problem. I got tired of changing the sheets daily.

a corgi said...

hugs to you; my mom was a single parent (my dad died, leaving her widowed with 3 kids under 5 years old). I knew it was hard for her, you show me how hard it is; wow!! I think all moms always worry about the decisions we make

I hope you have a restful weekend and can get caught up some on sleep or just rest; my mom also cleaned houses so I know how tiring that is

I do hope one day that right man chosen by God comes your way :)


a corgi said...

hugs to you; my mom was a single parent (my dad died, leaving her widowed with 3 kids under 5 years old). I knew it was hard for her, you show me how hard it is; wow!! I think all moms always worry about the decisions we make

I hope you have a restful weekend and can get caught up some on sleep or just rest; my mom also cleaned houses so I know how tiring that is

I do hope one day that right man chosen by God comes your way :)


Two Hands said...

Praying for your wish to come true, God knows you deserve such a man.
Big hugs from one Mom to another.

Anonymous said...

you know i just realized something you said in your blog about i set the mood in the house? i have never thought about that and im glad you said something about that. i seem to get irritated all the time any more. so now i just realized i set the mood. thanks for pointing that out. im going to do much better that i just realized that. you are a great women! i know you have a lot on your plate. chelseas dance thats coming up. there is teachers there to watch everyone and they will not allow anything that shouldnt be going on. they will stop them from dancing! i would let her go and let her enjoy her self. skyler i would stop the drinking at 7. i had to do that with my son and it helped. god bless you!!!!!!!!!!!

Deb said...

I'm exhausted just reading this! Phew.
Hope you have a good week- Hang in there, parenting was not intended for the weak of mind or body- that's for sure! Hyper organization is the only way we even sort-of manage in my house! (And like you, EVERYTHING is done the night before!) I hope someone special does find his way to you. Sounds like you could use a helpmate! Pray for it! Take Care!

Kimberly said...

Welcome to my life, but I have more kids and a husband.
Girl~ first, go to your doctor (in your spare time) and make sure that physically, your body is working right. Talk also about how to want to lose weight, and what the doctor can do to help you. I finally bugged my doctor enough (when I reached 170 pounds) that he checked my thyroid, and I have hypothyroid. Once I got on medication, the extra weight has melted off. I am down to a size 4! I have NEVER been a size 4. I went from 12 month clothing, to Women's size 16!
As far as the kids, they are normal. Can you be ready when it is time for them to walk to the bus stop and walk with them? Sky would enjoy the walk too.
For C, put a key logger on your computer. It will record all of the key strokes she makes, and you will be able to see what she is typing. You can d/l them for free. As the mom, you have to protect her. She is looking for that love, acceptance, etc.
I've been the single mom and it sucks but at the same time, those kids are yours and they are all very special and precious! Do your best..and that's what matters!