Where is your husband?

Thank you all so much for your good advice and prayers. I cant tell you how much I love getting your comments. Thank you!!

I did FINALLY get Skyler to the doctor after work today. By the time I got there he had another fever and was really in pain from his ear. Poor baby was crying. Usually when we go to the doctors he is everywhere in the office, climbing on things, getting into things...but today all he wanted to do was lay down. He was a sick boy.

I get there and the doctor came in and asked me how long he had been coughing. I told him it had been two months that he had been suffering from this cold. The doctor checked his lungs (all clear) and then his ears (clearly he has an ear infection) and then he stepped back and said that yes he has an ear infection but also he thinks he has asthma. WHAT???

So he said that we needed to give him a breathing treatment and went to send the nurse in. Clearly my son did NOT want to have a breathing treatment. We tried everything besides holding him down. Finally, I could tell that the doctors office staff was frustrated because someone must have sent in the "big guns." By big guns I'm talking about the head honcho nurse. She walked in the door and this was the conversation......

Nurse: So are you ready to be mom now?
Me: What? What do you mean by that?
Nurse: Are you ready to hold him down and be a mom now?
Me: Uhhhhhh....OK, Ill give it a try. (I was immediately puzzled by her words. What did she mean by that?)

So we held him down and got the breathing treatment done and then this conversation was next.

Me: So do you have any tricks on getting him to take medicine because he wont take that either?
Nurse: He needs his father. Where is his father?
Me: Um (very shocked) he doesn't have a father.
Nurse: Well who is the man of the house?
Me. We don't have any men in our house. I'm a single mom.
Nurse: Well do you attend a church or something, you should be able to find a male role model there.

By this time I just wanted to tell the nurse to SHUT UP and give me my prescriptions so I could go home. She had hurt my feelings and in my opinion way over stepped her boundaries. I never know what to say in the moment but when the next nurse came in this is what I said...."Did you bring me a prescription for a husband because apparently that is what my son needs!!!!"

It was a night from Hell. LOL I did end up coming home with several prescriptions...one for antibiotics, one for an inhaler(which I wont use for him because I don't believe he has asthma) and numbing ear drops. My son is sleeping peacefully and I am about to join him. :)
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On a side note. Did anyone out there know that there were Tylenol suppositories for kids that don't take medicine orally? AHHHHH!! I got some and it is just WONDERFUL to be able to give my son medicine and not get it projected back into my face. You get it at the pharmacy, no prescription needed.

Three o'clock in the morning!! UPDATED!!

Things are not looking good. He has been sick for two months, I am sure this is just another symptom of his body not being able to let go of this cold. He hasnt had an ear infection since he was three months old. I am so frusterated. I CANT miss work...yet I CANT let my son go in pain for the day. Im in tears right now. GRRRRRRR!!!
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Its three o'clock in the morning and I have been up with Skyler and an ear ache. He is nearly in tears he is hurting so bad. I cant find a single urgent care open this time of the night and I dont think its appropriate to go to the emergency room for an ear ache. I just cant miss work tomorrow. Sometimes this single mom stuff is a little much to bear. I need HELP tonight!!!!!!!

Coming to see me????

For a few months, tentatively, I have been planning to go and visit R and B and Ty this summer for Ty's first birthday. I have been looking forward to it (of course) and have just been trying to work out the details in my head. Well, then I got a new job and things drastically changed. I really didn't think to much of it (seeing as how I just got the job last week) until I got an email from Rebekah titled "exciting news!!" As I read the email tears filled my eyes. The big news is that R and B and baby Ty are going to come and see ME in April. They are going to purposefully come out and see me and the kids. I couldn't be more thrilled. The love that these people have for us astounds me. I am honored to be part of their lives.

Problem....

Maybe I shouldn't call this a problem but it is concerning to me. Chelsea(the thirteen year old) is not ready to see Tyrus. She said that she doesn't want to get close to someone again just to have him leave because it hurts to much. She compares the situation to her dad being so far away. She is really struggling lately with her broken heart caused by her daddy and me being divorced and then from her dad not really being part of her life for so many years.

I cant get upset with her about this. She has to be able to process her feelings and make her own decisions on things like this. She said to me "I know I'm Tyrus's big sister but right now I just don't know if I can do it...Victoria might have to fill in for me for awhile." It breaks my heart that I caused my children more pain. I will be glad when five years goes by and I can look back and see that the path I left behind is (semi) straight and not filled with more pain due to my bad choices for my kids.

So we will see how it goes with Chelsea. Right now I see lots of pain and sadness...and truly its not just her. The other kids are hurting to...but not necessarily because of the adoption...but because of the sad fact that they have a (mostly) absent dad. They each show their pain in different ways, but I know it is there.

I didn't want Tyrus to go through what my kids are going through. There is a HUGE reason that God designed parents to be a pair...mom and dad. I am thrilled to pieces that he has such a present and wonderful dad and a so loving mother. He will never have to live in pain because his dad isn't emotionally capable of being a part of his life. My kids could use your prayers.

So the count down to seeing Ty begins. I CANT WAIT (except that I have to)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mom...can we say the word A##!!

My kids come up with the most unusual things. In our family we are not aloud to say cuss words. I think because this rule is in place the children think that it is fun to try and break the rule as often as possible. I myself have never been one to cuss. This does not make me better than anyone, I just didn't grow up with it, hardly ever heard a cuss word, so It just didn't become part of my life. My kids; however, have been exposed to profane words throughout their whole lives through different places and people. They go to public school for one, so that pretty much sums it up. I wanted to share the latest argument for cussing that me and the kids had today.

"Mom." Chelsea says. "Two of my friends at school are allowed to use any cuss word that is in the Bible. I think that's a great idea for us to. What do you think."

"Well..." I answer. "Well the only cuss words that I can think of in the Bible are ass and damn."

"Right! I think ass and damn are pretty reasonable. So can we mom?"

I'm sitting there thinking. I hate being put on the spot like that and of course my first initial answer would have been "HELL NO!!" But I didn't say that. For some very odd reason this came out of my mouth.

"OK Chelsea, you can say ass and damn as long as the word ass is used only in sentences referring to a donkey and damn can be used to talk about things such as a beavers dam."

So I said it. I hardly thought about my words and was actually feeling pretty good about my response until I heard this coming from the back seat.

"So mom...if someone is mean to me I can just say "Your such an ASS?" since I would really be calling them a donkey?"

(sigh)

We got our Christmas tree put up. We had fun. I'm not feeling that great(got a head cold) but we did manage to have fun drinking egg nog and eating candy canes and decorating the Christmas tree. It was pure crazy fun. I tried to snap a shot of the finished Christmas tree with all the kids laying below it but somehow it didn't work.

I must add a disclaimer. My first born son (Matt) is really not cross eyed, although he chose to be that way in nearly all the pictures I took tonight. (sigh sigh) Our tree didn't turn out like I (ahem) had hoped but the kids loved it and it is very unique to say the least.





Finally I gave up on getting a good picture and decided the tree was good to stand alone. Its crooked, and the angel is facing the wall, but its our tree and it was decorated with love. :)

Naked as a jay bird!

Our sweet Maggie got her second professional hair cut today. Poor thing is usually subjected to me cutting her hair. She is so little (a whole nine pounds) and I just cant get all her tiny parts trimmed correctly, so needless to say, her feet had started to look like the Grinch...the hair was really long and hanging down. Isn't she sweet? She even got Pumpkin dog cologne. Who would have thunk that dogs had cologne. It was a good day for Maggie.

Today was my day off. I love having Fridays off. Me and Skyler just hung out and got some stuff done. Around twelve o'clock I put a movie on for him and jumped in the shower. I always shower with the door open when it is just him and I, and usually he is sitting on the toilet saying "Mom! Whatcha doin?" a hundred times.

So it wasn't unlike any other day. I got my shower, wrapped the towel around me and went to my room to dress when all of a sudden I hear a knock at the door and sweet Maggie barking......and then......I heard the dead bolt unlock and the door OPEN!!!! I am in my room, door wide open, NAKED AS A JAY BIRD, and my son has just answered the door. Oh my!!! I start yelling down the hall "SKYLER SHUT THE DOOR! DONT YOU ANSWER THAT DOOR!" That didn't work, I can tell the door is still open and I hear a mans voice. I'm desperately trying to get dressed and all I can say is "I AM NAKED IN HERE! YOU BETTER SHUT THAT DOOR!" I am mortified just talking about this. The next thing I hear is "OK little boy, here is your dog now shut the door." The door shuts...and my three year old comes walking down the hall, meeting me half way and said, "Look mom, a box. A box by the door."

It was the UPS man coming to drop off a package from grandma. I am certain that I shocked the heck out of this man by yelling that I was naked down the hall.

I am thankful that my son was not abducted by a strange delivery man, and I am also thankful that I didn't get turned in for yelling NAKED so much today!!!!

Sigh!!!!!

From maid to secretary!!

Wow!! What a day.

I left my house at about seven o'clock and didnt get home until six thirty this evening. What a day it was!!

I love it!! My new job is challenging, and busy and full of fun chearful people. I couldnt be happier with how the day went. The night before I started, Skyler came down with his second cold within two months. He was sporting a 102 fever and a horrible hacking cough. I took him to the doctor and he tested negative for the flu (any type), so I felt like I slid by on that one. But the fact that he was sick with a fever completely threw out day care and I was staring my new job the next day.

Luckly (except that I dont believe in luck) my mom was off and volenteered to watch my sweet hacking son. She kinda enjoyes being with him anyway so it was a win win situation. She ended up saving the day for me and I was able to work the whole day with no pressure of wondering about Skyler.

I will forever be greatful for my maids job. It whipped me into shape (well sorta, I still ware a tent for a shirt), and it got me back on my feet. Unfortunatly it wasnt quite enough to sustain us, but the job itself was quite a blessing.

So I started my new job today. I wanted to get some pictures of my outfit I wore today but I just forgot. Not to mention I am not to excited of posting pictures of my body. LOL

Thanks to all who gave me well wishes. I wasnt at work for an hour before my best friend walked through the door with some beautiful flowers for me. When I got home my room mate had all the kids sign a beautiful card congratulating me on my special day. I am surrounded by lovely people and wonderful(onery but wonderful) children and I cant complain(except that I do sometimes).

My little Ty tidbit: He is nearing six months old. THATS HALF A YEAR PEOPLE!!! I am shocked at how time flies. He is growing so quick. R said that he is very happy but fusses between every bite of his home made baby food. What a lucky boy to get baby food hand made by his momma!!!!

Blessed beyond words!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is that a tent your waring?

Oh thank you all so much for your sincere congratulations on my new job. I am very excited. I start Wednesday...that's only two days away...and I have nothing to ware. My wardrobe consists of two pair of dress pants, and one dress shirt that is actually ripped up the side. I don't have a single pair of dress shoes and my genetically inherited grey hair has grown about two inches making me look kinda older and worn. To put it simply, I'm a hot mess!!!

So, I felt that with a new job comes a little more money and I budgeted a couple hundred dollars to go out and get a new wardrobe worthy of a doctors office receptionist. I was excited. My best friend was going with me, my sister and brother in law had ALL my kids, and I was rearing to go.

I know I am a bigger women. My boobs alone reach a destination LONG before the rest of me does(humor is one of the keys to a happy life ya know...LOL), so I thought a plus size consignment shop was just what the doctor ordered.

I walk into this cute little hole in the wall used clothing shop, tell the ladies what I need, and am directed to a very small section of....THE BIGGEST CLOTHES IN THE STORE! Let me set this up a bit for you. I am a BIG mirror avoider. I try NOT to notice, look, or even glance at my reflection in the mirror, because when I do it is just a reminder of who I am not anymore and that is hard to accept. Now don't get me wrong, I am not looking for a pity party or any comments saying "you'll get there..." NOPE I am only saying that because I don't look in the mirror and the fact that my wardrobe consists of mostly cleaning pants and men's t-shirts, and add on the fact that I have not been shopping for clothes for myself since I first got pregnant with Ty(and that was for maternity clothes), I was in for a big shock.

I put on the first shirt and walk around to actually look at my reflection and what I saw was...well...I started crying. I was so frustrated with the way I looked. I am not exaggerating when I say...it looked like I was waring a tent. My friend that was with me came over and hugged me and encouraged me to keep on keeping on. I realized that there was nothing I could do. I have a new job...a fat body...a great life...and I just needed to get over it...find some more tents to ware and move on. So that is what I did. I ended the day with about two weeks worth of SSWWEETT dress clothes, a pair of shoes and a set of bump its. I still need to color my hair, paint my nails, and this classy tent waring grey haired lady is ready to start my new job.

Celebrate with me!!!!!

Ill tell you why below!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate to post a new blog because the comments in my last post are very intriguing and I'm getting so many different view points from lots of people. I think its a great discussion, I only wish I could post comments to your comments but I don't know how.

I will say thank you to all who posted wonderful uplifting comments to me. I will also say sorry to anyone I hurt with my last post. I know there are lots of broken hearts in which adoption is concerned and I really do understand. My relinquishment was not easy, but the decision was made with much prayer and thought. Bringing up children is more then love and gifts and money...it requires a lot of time...and it was time knew I couldn't give sweet Ty. I feel at peace with my decision and I only hope others can be helped through my experience. With that said......

I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew that my maids job was just not cutting it, not to mention how much work it is and being so tired at the end of the day. So, I started putting my resume out there last week. Today I got an interview. I showed up at a very prestigious doctors office in my nasty cleaning clothes and sweaty hair from just cleaning. I spent an hour talking to the doctors wife(an orthodontics office to be exact) and she said to me at the end "Well I guess I need to make some phone calls. Ill call you later." Through the evening my references I had put down called me and told me that she was calling them. About an hour later Dr. S' wife called me and offered me a job. Here are the details....

Monday through Thursday 8-5(can you say Whoot Whoot for a three day weekend every week.
Paid holidays.
FOURTEEN DOLLARS PER HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bad news...its a small doctors office and they do not offer health insurance.

I'm a big girl now with a big girl job. I am so excited. I start Wednesday. Will you celebrate with me!!! God is good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel as though I have been hand picked. I do not really qualify for this job but she liked my spunky personality and smiley face.

I have NO dress clothes. Well I take that back. I have about one dress shirt to speak of. So tomorrow...I go shopping!!!!!!

Being judged!

I have really grown to love the blogging world. I think that the Internet can be a very dangerous place but for me, whether its through my blog, or through facebook, I have made new friends and been able to get in contact with old friends that without the Internet I would have never talked to again.

When I started my adoption journey with Ty still in my belly I would get LOTS of really hateful comments. Me and Rebekah really struggled with how to deal with them without letting it get to us. For me, and I know she came to this place as well, I learned how to just disregard them and move on.

Today...this one blind sided me. I haven't received a nasty comment in a while and so it caught me by surprise so I thought I would respond to it. It stated:

"You have signed your son up for a lifetime of pain. You are still a mother to him, just the worst kind. An abandoner. God may forgive you, but chances are your son won't. God meant for you to raise ALL of your children. And you just spit on His blessing. May the Lord have mercy on you for your betrayal."

Dear anonymous, I will not pretend to know what place you are in life. I don't know what sort of things you have gone through, but from what you just wrote to me, I can only imagine that you have had a lifetime of pain, either that or you are just super uneducated on the subject of adoption and raising kids. I could go on and on about all my reasons for not parenting Ty. I think if you were to read deeper into my blog you might understand. I wrote my blog partly for people like you who are so closed minded to adoption and single parenthood. I really don't think you have a clue to what you are talking about, and I don't particularly like being judged. You talk about God...but do you know that Moses was adopted and most importantly Jesus was adopted by Joseph? Those were highly orchestrated situations by God. Not to mention that anyone that is a Christian is adopted into the family of God. Lastly, it is quite clear that Ty is in the right place. I am in no position to raise him and I never was. I don't regret my decision and I don't believe that Ty will be angry at me for making it. As for me and God...mercy was given to me in the form of adoption and as a solution to my poor choices. He saved me through it and he saved Ty as well. Thank God for that!!

Not much to say....

On Sunday, my first born boy turned ten years old. I cant believe it. In our family its pretty special to turn double digits.
I remember when the ultrasound flashed his boy parts. I had just had two girls and was THRILLED to be having a boy, although I wasnt sure what I was going to do with him. I didnt have a brother, and to be honest, the whole "take care of the penis" thing kinda frightened me. But, he was born after four short hour of labor. He was sweet and sour as all little boys are and I love him dearly. Happy tenth birthday my sweet Matthew Brian.


My little Ty tidbit is that he is nearly five months old. His momma said that he has started squeeling, and if you look real close you can see that the drool goes for miles around the Pinchback house. Happy almost five months old sweet baby boy!!


And lastly...this is the result of Chelsea (the thirteen year old) babysitting her three year old brother. She always does this, but this time it kinda took on an artsy sort of feel. I thought it captured well in this photo.

Funny, dirty life!!!

Being a maid is hard physical work, but oddly enough, I enjoy it. I have cleaned houses and not found a speck of dirt on them, and I have cleaned houses that I could barely see past the mold on the floor. Thank God for gloves and rubber bottom tennis shoes and soap.

Yesterday I had a seven hour job in a beautiful area of town called Black Forest. Its full of HUGE houses surrounded by trees. Its really beautiful. I car pooled with my friend and we were just really enjoying the ride. Finally I found the house after a thirty minute drive and we pull into the driveway. It was a very big six thousand square foot house so it was going to take all four of us maids to clean it. I noticed that I had pulled into this one way drive way the wrong way, so I was going to back up....simple enough right? I'm feeling good, I'm backing up and "BOOM." I look back and low and behold....I hit a tree. It hit smack in the middle of my bumper. "Darn it!" I thought. I pulled forward a little, assessed the damage to my jeep which was minimal (thank God) and then I looked at the tree. Poor tree. It will never be the same. My jeep seems to be a tank and has so far withstood lots of beating up due to my driving abilities. LOL

Skyler is doing really good on his potty training. Sometimes though, he still pees at night so I keep a diaper on him, but regardless of the diaper he still sometimes leaks through it onto the bed. The other night I am ashamed to say that his diaper leaked and we were both a little wet....I was so tired I couldn't think straight....so I got up, changed my shirt.....threw a towel over the pee and went back to sleep on top of it. Nasty hugh? Well at least I got the sleep I needed....oh and of course a shower in the morning.

On a regular bases I clean this one house. It is a cute purple color on the outside, but on the inside it houses two grown adults and nine crazy wild dogs. Because of all the dogs the house is not exactly...clean...to say the least...but on this particular day I had this conversation with the owner who I will call S:

"Good morning Rebekah."

"Good morning S." I responded.

"I was going to have company this afternoon but I think I better cancel because my dogs have mange and it can be passed onto humans and they will want to play with the dogs." S says to me.

Let me take a moment to paint a little picture of that moment. This ladies house is FULL of puffy floating pieces of dog hair. I literally had dog hair all over me and I was (at the time of her telling me this) trying to get a piece of dog hair out of my nose. I was covered in dog hair and she is now telling me that she is canceling her company because she wants to protect them from this dog parasite that can be passed to humans and in my mind...I am now covered with it.

"So..." S continued, "I'm just going to have you clean the upstairs because I am not feeling that good, I think I might have mange to because I sleep with the dogs and I am starting to get some itchy bumps."

"Oh OK" I said, trying to keep my composure but secretly thinking that I wanted to get out of there.

"Are you worried?" S asks me

"Well is my hair going to fall out?" I answer, PRAYING that the answer is no because all the dogs I have ever seen with mange have NO HAIR.

"Oh no, you will just itch for a couple weeks and get red bumps all over you. Its short lived in humans."

"Oh OK." I said trying not to freak out, and went about my cleaning, went home and took a long hot shower.

It was found out later that the dogs had the type of mange that could not be passed to humans and all was well, but it really freaked me out. Oh...and I still have all my hair!!!