Coming to see me????

For a few months, tentatively, I have been planning to go and visit R and B and Ty this summer for Ty's first birthday. I have been looking forward to it (of course) and have just been trying to work out the details in my head. Well, then I got a new job and things drastically changed. I really didn't think to much of it (seeing as how I just got the job last week) until I got an email from Rebekah titled "exciting news!!" As I read the email tears filled my eyes. The big news is that R and B and baby Ty are going to come and see ME in April. They are going to purposefully come out and see me and the kids. I couldn't be more thrilled. The love that these people have for us astounds me. I am honored to be part of their lives.

Problem....

Maybe I shouldn't call this a problem but it is concerning to me. Chelsea(the thirteen year old) is not ready to see Tyrus. She said that she doesn't want to get close to someone again just to have him leave because it hurts to much. She compares the situation to her dad being so far away. She is really struggling lately with her broken heart caused by her daddy and me being divorced and then from her dad not really being part of her life for so many years.

I cant get upset with her about this. She has to be able to process her feelings and make her own decisions on things like this. She said to me "I know I'm Tyrus's big sister but right now I just don't know if I can do it...Victoria might have to fill in for me for awhile." It breaks my heart that I caused my children more pain. I will be glad when five years goes by and I can look back and see that the path I left behind is (semi) straight and not filled with more pain due to my bad choices for my kids.

So we will see how it goes with Chelsea. Right now I see lots of pain and sadness...and truly its not just her. The other kids are hurting to...but not necessarily because of the adoption...but because of the sad fact that they have a (mostly) absent dad. They each show their pain in different ways, but I know it is there.

I didn't want Tyrus to go through what my kids are going through. There is a HUGE reason that God designed parents to be a pair...mom and dad. I am thrilled to pieces that he has such a present and wonderful dad and a so loving mother. He will never have to live in pain because his dad isn't emotionally capable of being a part of his life. My kids could use your prayers.

So the count down to seeing Ty begins. I CANT WAIT (except that I have to)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!