Thursday, April 30, 2009

Just a little to say....

Its a bright sunny and slightly breezy day here in my home town. I love it. Unfortunately, I am SOOOOOOO tired. I am sure that it is third trimester sleepiness. I HATE naps. I hardly ever take them and when I do I wake up feeling worse then I did before the nap. Its a weird feeling.
So today I promised myself that I would just succumb to the sleepiness and lay I did...for about twenty minutes. There is just to much to be done and plus with a three year old running around, sleep doesn't come easy and doesn't last long. LOL I don't think Ive taken a good nap since before I became a mommy. But, I still wasn't much for sleep. I feel like I'm missing out on something if I sleep. Silly I know.

So today I am enjoying the warm weather, doing stuff around the house and fighting this fatigue that I feel. I am having my second counseling (adoption counseling) session in about an hour. I am excited about that. Its always nice to have company and I am eager to get this process started.

I continue to talk to Rebekah on a weekly basis. Its always so nice to hear her voice. We get along so well, even though I feel like I talk obsessively and don't let her get a word in edgewise, but she never says anything about it. Sweet girl. I just am so sure that its obvious that I don't talk to adults much. LOL

Baby boy continues to seem active and healthy. I can really tell his head is getting big because it is sitting right on my pubic bone. Ouch!!!! I believe he is about four pounds now and according to my other babies weights, he has about four pounds to go. :)

Things are good right now.


mak'n Changes said...

I remember how I always loved taking naps and that would bug you. I still take plenty of them. I need a good nap every now and then. Gosh you r getting so close to D-day. Exciting in a hitter sweet sort of way eh?
This whole thing is amazing!
Love u becky!

God's girl said...

I'm here from Baby April's blog, and was intrigued by the comment you wrote. I read some of your blogs and it sounds like you are really making a thoughtful decision regarding adoption. I can't imagine how hard it would be, but it shows your love for your baby:)


Arcadia said...

You deserve a chance to nap. I hope you get as much rest as you can.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to seem "anonymous but I feel I shouldn't publish my name at this time since I am telling my sons' stories.

I also was intrigued by the comment you made on April Rose's blog. I feel confident that you are making a wise and sensitive choice to be a "birth mom." It's no doubt very difficult for you and the entire family but you are generously giving another family the most precious gift of all. May you continue to have great strength of body, soul and spirit.

Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again. I Thess. 5:23

I pray you will feel the dignity and honor of the choice you are making to give life to others. One of my sons also made what I call "Solomon's Choice." (I Kings 3: 16-28 ~Two women with one living baby came to ask the king to determine the real mother.) When my son's girlfriend came to him with news of unexpected pregnancy, he strongly encouraged her to "choose life."

Soon, in spite of his hope that he could marry and provide a home for their daughter, he learned that the mother's family was entirely hostile to him. They fancied that they were a family of superior status, while he was a "lowly" Marine air traffic controller stationed far from home. As he learned the full extent of the hostility and rejection of the maternal grandparents, he could only imagine a lifetime of pulling and tugging at his little girl if he chose to "fight for his rights." For his daughter's well-being, he released her completely to the mom's family.

He knows his daughter's name and was allowed to hold her for a few brief minutes when she was five months old. She is my oldest grandchild, now almost 7. I "miss" her, picturing a wonderful little girl with high intelligence like my son. I pray that she is safe and well. Will she seek to meet us one day? My heart aches for our loss but I believe she is a blessing to this world and her mother's side of the family. I pray they realize every day the beautiful gift that they are privileged to love and support.

My eldest son lives with a different choice. A young woman fixated on him and determined to entrap my son when she discovered she was pregnant due to her poor choices at a "party." The rest of the family was highly suspicious that my son had not fathered the child, but he willingly supported his former girlfriend throughout the pregnancy and birth. I saw him bend down over the newborn girl and knew his heart was bonding to her. He loving changed every diaper and did all he could to support his daughter and her very manipulative and I think, truly narcissistic mother.

When his daughter was a year old, the mother's ultimatums about marriage reached a crisis point. Her unstable and difficult behavior made it impossible for my son to take that step. The rest of our family suggested that any legal standing on his part would have to start with a determination of paternity. When the results of the DNA test came back, he learned that his little girl, the daughter he fights for and loves with all his heart, is not biologically his own.

It seemed that I had pierced him through the heart when I told him. He howled and wept for hours and tried to live without his little girl for two months. Then, he examined the situation and affirmed his decision to support her as fully as he is allowed. She's almost 3 1/2 now. It's a difficult situation but I believe his financial support and fatherly devotion is essential to his beautiful child. His heart is broken daily due to the ongoing manipulation of the mother yet he is steadfast to remain the loving supportive father his little girl needs. He travels long distances weekly to the town where the mom lives with another man.

My son has had a father's heart from his earliest years. When he was a 5 year old boy, he heard about abortion, probably when overhearing discussions about the sancity of human life. After a heartfelt talk with me, he prayed "God, please help the President make a rule that they can't kill the babies. If you need someone to take care of them, I pray you will give them to me." He continues to make choices out of that commitment and I choose to support him, to help bring beauty out of the ashes of our challenges and sins.

Yes, we have failed and sinned but thank God for His mercy and forgiveness. I pray that you will be given all the strength and support you need to face the coming days and years. May you be praised and honored for your strength. You are demonstrating great love for each of your children as well as the adoptive family.

Thank you for "listening."

Leaning with you on the Rock of our salvation,

Another friend in Jesus.

"From the end of the earth will I cry unto Thee. When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:2

"Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you who I have upheld since you were conceived, and carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46:3-4

Anonymous said...

p.s. I just wrote to you as "anonymous"~~~"another friend in Jesus." I see that letters are not published without your approval. If you want my email address, I will check your comments and you can let me know if I can send it to you to preview without publishing it. You don't need to write but I can give you that option if you wish! God richly bless you!

Rebekah said...

Dear anonymous. I would love to have your email address. YOu can leave it here in my comments and I will not publish it. Thank you so much for your sweet comment of support and for sharing your story.

Thank you to God's girl also who I see is a new commenter. You and Arcadia and my cuz are so sweet to me. Thank you all for your support.

Two Hands said...

I can't remember how I got here, but I'm glad I did. I read both blogs (the other R's too) and I have to say that this story is one of the most beautiful and miraculous I have ever heard. God bless and keep you and your family always. You are growing your family in such an amazing way, it's a privilege to bear witness to it.