Friday, April 24, 2009

Now we wait.....

Five months ago I decided to give my baby up for adoption. It was a really scary decision. Not only was it scary but so unusual. I have four kids, and not one time with those kids did I think of abortion or adoption. It just was never an option. I know the Bible talks about how children are a blessing (I completely agree), and then it goes on to say something about having your "quiver full." I'm not all together sure what that means but I'm pretty sure that the four I have filled my "quiver." Well, that sounded funny. But seriously (OK now I cant be serious).......where does that leave baby heart in my belly?

Its such a lot to think about. I have a lot of guilt because I did bring a baby into the world that I was not prepared to care for. Does that mean that he didn't hold as much value to me as the other children did. Certainly some of the other kids were born into hard circumstances as well, but then I didn't give a thought to adoption. I certainly don't know what to think about this. Its hard to swallow. I guess then I have to go back to the Bible when it talks about quivers being full, and then just really boil it down to me completely having my hands full and it NOT being the fact that baby heart didn't hold as much value to me but that I valued him SO much as to NOT keep him in my care.

I know baby boy isn't born yet, but I feel as though I have already started to prepare a good life for him. He wont be born into sadness or poverty or anger. He will be born to what I hope will be a great party and a BUNCH of people that love him. Of course I claim holding him the most in the hospital but Ill give everyone else a turn. LOL Just kidding. I want everyone to hold him and take in his sweetness before they have to say goodbye. It will be the most precious moment in my life when I hold him for the first time, and the last time (for awhile anyway, not forever). He will then go with the best parents I could have ever picked for him, and live his life and grow big and strong. I cant wait to see it.

So, now we wait. All the contracts are signed and moneys discussed and sent. Baby boy is growing strong and probably has no idea that we are waiting for him. He is happy and content in his silent watery world. Grow baby grow. We cant wait to meet you.


mak'n Changes said...

Becky that was beautiful! You had me laughing with your quiver comments too. Looking from the outside in, it sounds to me like Jesus whispered adoption in your spirit thru the lips of the father. In his selfish way he spoke life over his son and ignited a fire. Who knew hundreds of miles away Jesus heard the cry of an empty womb and filled it up with hope and promise. I would love to look into the future of this little man and see where Jesus takes him. What a strong and powerful choice you have made to listen to the suggestion of adoption. You amaze me!

Lerin said...

You amaze me, Mama. :) My thoughts and prayers are with you! And YES... you are right that you need a scheduled date!!

Laurie said...

Our daughter's birthmother had the same feelings as you. She is parenting 2 children as a single mom, and doing the best she can. She lovingly placed her 3rd into my arms at the hospital after she was born and said "her mom should be the first to hold her."

I just couldn't believe someone could be so selfless. And we have had such a great relationship. She comes to her birthday parties and cheered me on during my potty training endeavors. We are even having lunch the week before Mother's Day. I have no intention of going anywhere. She is just as much a part of me as my daughter is, and I know your Rebekah feels the same way! The relationship is real.

I thank my Lord everyday for mothers who make the decision to give a full life to their child, and the gift of a child to another mother.

I thank my Lord for women like you.

Faith said...

Rebekah, thanks for stopping by my blog! I have just read a few of your posts but I am so amazed by your courage. I know that God is working and will continue to work mightily in your life, your son's life and the lives of the family you have chosen for him. Adoption is an incredible thing! I'll be praying for you all!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful....Absolutely Beautiful. You had me laughing (the quiver deal) and crying.

You hold that baby as much and long as you want!!!! :)

- R

Paulette said...


Darcy said...

You are such a hero and you make me proud to be a woman! I think the love and selflessness you are showing is a wonderful and outward sign of the works the Lord is doing in you! What a blessing you are to this family you are helping create and the Lord will give back to you "pressed down, shaken up and overflowing". Thank you for being a hero- a birthmom, they are the same to me!
Mom to 2 bios, one internationally adopted and prospective domestic AP.