Monday, March 16, 2009

Highs and Lows, and some changes.

Its amazing how one day can contain such high highs and such low lows. Such is the single parent life right?

I had an amazing day despite my ten year old Victoria being home with the flu. She is generally
a sweetie and not to much of a challenge.
I had so much energy. Chelsea (the oldest) was sick all weekend so there were not many chores done around the house and with so much energy I was bound and determined to have a productive day, and so I did. I did six loads of laundry. Now keep in mind that I can do three at a time but I still had to haul the laundry up and down over twenty steps. LOL I cleaned under the fridge (it has wheels so it was not hard to move). I swept and mopped the kitchen. I took the two three year olds outside with the six month old where they played for an hour. It was a beautiful seventy degree day, I felt good about myself and about what I had accomplished. I HATE to sit around and watch TV all day. It makes me depressed and it makes me feel useless. So the day couldn't have gone better. Then......
Chelsea and Matt came home from school. I am not going to go into all the details but to make a long story short, Chelsea (the almost 13 year old) (I think) despises me. I go out of my way to be kind and try to set a good example but her words towards me are like venom to my mommy heart. She is so angry with me. I try so hard not to let her words get me offended (per the counselor) because I know she is hormonal and I try really hard to just let it slide off my back, but she is my baby. It does hurt to hear how she clearly cant show me love. Is it because I divorced her dad? Is it because (I'm bawling again LOL) she doesn't have her dad around? Is it because I wont let her have a boyfriend at 12 years old? I'm so confused. So, I decided to just lay it all out for her and let her know how she has hurt my feelings. I cried and cried tonight and I had to go to my room.
Is my breakdown because I over did it today? Is it because I have just flat out had it with my daughter being so disrespectful to me for months on end? Or could it be that I am pregnant and just hormonal myself? I don't usually cry in front of my kids. I am usually pretty well put together but today I lost it. I'm tired. This is a very hard job. I need a break.
So life is not all peaches and cream. I know that. Today was a high and a low for me. I loved it and I hated it.
Here is a video and some pictures from today. I am so silly and took a video of Skyler sideways. So sorry. I don't have a program to turn videos. Its still cute to see him blow bubbles. Even my dog Maggie enjoyed the day. It really was beautiful. I kept the windows open all day and it was perfect. I would show pictures of the little kids I babysit but they are not my kids and I feel a bit funny doing it. So here is Skyler and Maggie.
Oh I edited this to talk about a change to my blog. I have decided to moderate all comments. I didn't do it in the beginning because I felt like I chose to make this public and everyone had the choice to speak there mind, however; when I started this blog I did not know that I was going the adoption route. It seems to spark some very impressive opinions that I will be moderating and deciding which ones will appear on the blog. Mostly every body's will except those that are just not nice.


mak'n Changes said...

Oh beck! I'm so sorry chelsea is giving u such a hard time. Is she to old for a good (braty child beating?). Hormones suck all the way around. Did chelsea apologize? Or at least feel bad? Are you able to call her dad and have him chew het out? Sorry for your bitter sweet day. Wish it was all sweet for you. You prove every day that u are the strongest woman I know and I hope I can be as strong someday!

Ginger said...

I’m sorry Chelsea is giving you trouble. I remember being that age. Mom and I snapped and snarled at each other constantly. I knew just how to hurt her feelings to make her back away when she was setting limits I didn’t enjoy. Try to remember that it’s not personal to you…it only seems worse because you’re both hormonal now and she’s too young to know how to manage hers and stay civil. If she lived with her dad they would butt heads and have the same issues but minus half of the hormones.

Good luck riding the emotional and energy rollercoaster – yours and hers.

Lerin said...

Oh my goodness... two hormonal ladies under the same roof! i find myself crying all of the time these days, and can only imagine how hurtful it would be to hear things like that out of my first baby. :(

Definitely show her your emotions... I think kids need to see that WE get hurt/sad/angry too, but deal with it in a mature way. It's great modelling for them.

Under all of the hormones, she loves her Mommy and that isn't going to change. Hang in there!!!