I wish I didn't have such a hard time writing how I feel. You read books of all these wonderful writers that can put there feelings down on paper so eloquently. My gifts come in different forms. If I ever had to write a book then I would have to hire someone to write it for me.
I think about the end of this journey. I know it will be hard, but as weird as it may sound, it wont be hard in the way you all would think. Of course I am going to love my baby, and of course I am going to kiss him and hug him and ohhhh and ahhhh over his tiny features, but then handing him over to R and B will be the fun part. The hard part will be looking back. Looking back at the night that changed my life forever. Looking back at the decisions I have made that have taken such a toll on my body and mind. Realizing that my journey is almost over (at least this leg of it) and crying over time lost. I don't know that it is lost. One of my family members keeps asking me "the important thing is, did you learn anything?" LOL Well, that will be the hard part, I absolutely learned from it.
For me, the joy in this whole situation is helping B and R build a family. I really believe that they are my gift. They are the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that there are ladies out there that will read this post and maybe have some negative things to say. I think though that it would be better if you just watched it happen. You have said what you need to say to me (you know who you are) and I think that is enough. In all honesty I think your approach to me was absolutely absurd. It was like going to an abortion clinic and yelling at the precious girls that are walking in "YOUR A MURDERER" "YOUR KILLING YOUR BABY." I hate it when people do that. Its a complete turn off. Jesus would have never done things that way. He used patience and kindness and love to get his point across and it worked. (OK now people are going to bash me on Christianity LOL) I support those ladies in trying to educate people, but I really think there is a better way to do it.
Everyone has there own journey, and there own story to tell. I am glad that we are all different and unique. What a boring world it would be if we were the same and if our stories were all the same.