The insomnia has kicked in full time. I don't feel that tired in the day time so that is very good, but the nights are so long because I just cant seem to get sleep. I remember when I was married and pregnant this would happen and I would spend most nights on the couch so I wouldn't wake him up.
I don't like to talk about money so much but this is on my mind. I run a small day care out of my home. I only watch two kids at once and this time I am blessed that they are from the same family. I take care of two sweet boys ages six months and three years old. I have watched them since the little one was six weeks old. Its a HUGE blessing for me to be home with my three year old. I do not take it lightly that I can be home with him during these short years before school.
Generally I get paid from this family every week. Since the economy has become so terrible, the father has had a hard time keeping his job. He got laid off all of December and now they have dropped his hours down to about thirty hours a week. This is not good for me because I find that if he doesn't get paid, then they do not pay me. I don't want to give a bad impression of them because they have always caught up on there payments but if it were not for my tax money in January, I would not have recovered from December. Anyway, again it happened yesterday that they said they could not pay me. I really needed the money and asked them if they could possibly pay me something instead of nothing to get me through the weekend. They then wrote me out a check for 100 and said they would pay the rest on Monday. We will see.
The issue I am having is that I don't like depending on someone else for my income. Its scary for me not knowing if I will be able to pay rent. I make enough money (if the money was coming in) to support me and the kids but I am having some serious thoughts. I am in a precarious situation now because I am pregnant (I wish I could go yell at Ron because of this). Its hard enough to get a job much less walking in with a swollen belly and asking for a job. Yeah right. LOL Ive tried that before and it doesn't work so well. So, my prayer is that my babysitting job will hold out for a few more months until I can have this baby and then possibly look for a job outside the home. It would only have to be part time but Skyler would be put in daycare. He is really close to preschool age anyway so It wouldn't be so bad. I have had three wonderful years with him. I'm so blessed for that.
I know it will all work out. I don't have a back up if cant pay my bills. That is the hard part. If worse came to worse I would have to move to Arizona and live with my mother in law(ex). That wouldn't be that great of a situation because I would have to start over again. I don't want to do that. I have worked to hard to get where I am.
When baby boy is born I plan on changing a lot of things. It will be a chance to do better and start over. I a very excited for that.