Thursday, February 19, 2009

Adoption Updates!!!

Not to much to update. I did get a call from the agency last week. She was just telling me that she met with Rebekah and B and was telling me how excited they were. I like hearing how excited they are. She said she would call me some time next week(which is this week). I guess she is trying to get me hooked up with a local adoption agency before she comes out to see me so that the process can get started. I have no idea what the process is but I am ready to get started.

She did call me yesterday. She was asking questions that I never thought applied. The first one was if I was legally married when I conceived the baby. The answer is absolutely no but she still needs confirmation. I emailed her the divorce decree today. The next question is if I am a native American with papers. I actually do have Cherokee Indian in me but I have never been a registered Indian. My three older kids are, and I even have there Indian cards but it is not from my side. So, I guess the next step in this process is that the case worker will fly out to see me and spend almost an entire day with me going through orientation and whatever else is needed. She is willing to meet with me at my house so that I don't have to worry about the little ones. They can just run around like normal. I couldn't imagine meeting at a restaurant or something like that. We wouldn't get anything done.

I got another comment from someone out there...but this time they did not leave the comment anonymously. She invited me to read her blog which I did (thank you). Again I read that she was a very young teenager that felt forced into the decision to give away her baby. So sad. That is not a situation for anyone to have to endure. I fully believe that you will regret your decision if it wasn't your choice in the first place. I cant say that I know all that played into the situation, and who is to say it was the best for this girl at the time, but regardless, years and years later, she is sad and misses her baby. I'm so sorry for that.I am in a different place. I have four children of my own. I am not saying it will be easy. I'm not trying to be naive about the whole thing, but I don't feel like I am giving away my baby. I am allowing two wonderful people be the parents of the baby, that doesn't take away the fact that I am his mom. In fact, this little guy is so lucky, he has two moms, just Rebekah will be his full time mom, and I am what is called a birth mom. He will also have something that I could never offer him, a wonderful Father. I have no doubt in my mind that B will be a great dad, and it is a bonus that he likes to fish because I LOVE LOVE LOVE to fish and now my little boy will be a fisherman to. YIPPEE!!! I believe that Rebekah and B will be an extension of me, that we will always be part of each others lives. We do live far away which I think will put a nice distance between us and give them there privacy and I will get to enjoy watching baby boy grow, and he will always know of me and the kids. Its not the perfect situation. If it were perfect then I would have been married before I conceived. But for me, this is the best situation now because you cant turn back time. It is what it is.

I don't know if I will offend people by what I say. I cant help how I feel. I am learning more and more about the process and I am just enjoying my time to get to know R and B and I think it will end up being wonderful and happy and such a miracle to be part of.

I'm feeling OK. I can feel baby boy moving still some each day. I'm up and around a lot so I think I miss a lot of his movements. A few pregnancy discomforts are starting to set it...the kind that only happen when you start getting bigger. Oh Joy!! LOL I cant wait for the really big kicks from little guy, the kind you can see from the outside that look like your stomach has an alien in it. So cool!!!

And to my cousin: You are just so sweet, and Im just taking the time right now to say that I love you and miss you deeply. Keep taking things one day at a time (as you probably are), ask for God to give you the desire to work until you dont have to, ask him to give you his love for your job because clearly you dont have it as many of us dont. If we only had a little of his love for things we dont care for, our hearts would be full. I do love you.


mak'n Changes said...

You amaze me! Thanks beck!

joy said...

If I am the commentor you meant, you misread. I am not a mother who relinquished who misses her baby, I kept my baby.

I am an adoptee writing about the devastating impact adoption had on me, the child in question.

No baby wants to be given away by his mother.

I would really encourage you to try to think aobut the impact this is going to have on the child you are giving away, and how it will make your other children feel.

Anonymous said...

I completely disagree with Joy. It sounds like she has had a really negative experience. It's not that way for everyone. You need to make the decision that you feel God is calling YOU to. He'll tell you what is best.

Jessica said...

Sounds like you have a good handle on the situation in that you know it will not be easy, but you know what you can and cannot do at this time. I will be praying that God will just surround you with encouragers and folks to love on you.

lava said...

You leave your name as anon, and disagree with me.

Well okay, you can use the dismissive "negative experience" I wonder what evidence supports that any infant who is abandoned shortly after birth has a postive experience.

All empirical evidence supports that adoption negatively does impact the child. I personally know literally 100s of adoptees due who found being abandoned by their mother the most painful experience of their lives. Check out "Adopted" the movie. Even the trailers are tough.

Even if for the sake of argument not every adoptee has a negative experience what ratio is an acceptable risk.

Remember adoptive parents want "any" baby, your baby just wants his own mother.


Paragraphein said...

Hi Rebekah,

I commented to you back on my blog but not sure you're still reading there, so I came here.

I am going to try to boil down this comment, so here goes...

Everyone's situation is unique. This is absolutely true. Because of this, relinquishing a child sometimes will need to be.

What is never unique is the mother-child bond.

I guess I'd just encourage you to be open to that thought. ? You have four children so you know your bond with him. I hear, truly I do, what you are saying about not feeling like you're giving your baby away. About how you feel like this baby's birthmom and not mom.

My concern is that so many of us felt the same way.

I just want to encourage you to think about how you'll feel if this feeling of detachment doesn't last. If one day you suddenly DO start feeling like mom, as opposed to birth mom.

It might never happen, but it might.

I only say this because I remember. I remember feeling like a birth mom and thinking that I'd never feel like mommy and so it would be okay. And I wish someone had warned me that there was a chance that feeling wouldn't last forever, there was a chance that someday I'd feel full-force the connection to my daughter.

If I'd been warned of that it might have saved me some heartache.

Maybe I'd have made the same decision to relinquish, but if so, at least I'd have had a heads-up on how to deal with the maternal grief when it hit.

Whatever you decide I wish you well. You have four beautiful children, and I admire and respect your care for them, your love, the amount of time you pour into them. You are a good mother.

Take care,

Anonymous said...


If you need support, then I will be here for you. As a first mom and as a person.

You can contact me any time via my blog.