I have been reading a few birth moms blogs and I have noticed some things while reading them. I have noticed that these ladies are still very sad (not all of them that I read just a few of them). I noticed that these sweet ladies are still deeply emotional and deeply hurt by there choice to give up there baby. Even years later after they have had children that they have kept they still grieve over the loss of there baby. One big thing that stood out for me was that at some point they had an open adoption, but the adoptive parents decided to sort of close it and request no more calls. I have seen this happen in more then one situation. It makes me wonder what kind of relationship that the birth mom was able to have with the adoptive mom and dad?
I know that I am the same as these ladies in that we are both going to be "birth moms" but I don't feel the same. I can completely understand how much more painful it would be if this was my first child. I don't think I could bare that. I have HUGE respect for ladies that are able to give there first babies up for adoption. And I can understand the pain that they go through even twenty years later. That would be my Chelsea. (ugggg) But as painful as I know this will be, it is different for me. I have already experienced all the wonderful "firsts" that come with having babies. My feelings are much different I think then people would expect. In fact, people have said to me "I don't know how you are going to give your child up." I just don't see it that way. I have chosen parents for my baby that are so amazing that they wish to include me in there life. Now, here are my thoughts on that...new paragraph.
I do not wish to medal in there lives. I want them to have there privacy and I will not be interfering in that. However, I want to know that we will always be friends and that one day if I chose to pick up the phone or if they chose to pick up the phone and call each other, then it will be as if I was calling a girlfriend or my sister in law and we can chat comfortably without any threat. I pray that during these next few months our relationship grows strong and healthy. I hope that they know that since I trust them enough to have my baby, then I trust them with everything, and so I would just want to share in the joy they have as new parents.
I am sad that other birth moms can not have this relationship with the adoptive moms. I think it would ease there pain. Do the adoptive parents feel threatened, or are they scared? I wish I knew. Regardless, I am excited to see what God is doing. I am so thankful for where he has brought me and I LOVE R and B. They are amazing.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
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2 comments:
This made me cry and I am soo excited to see something so amazing unfold!
You have no idea what lies ahead. It's like having two legs and talking about an amputee and comparing yourself to that while you can still walk.
I also think it's really horrible that you are giving away the child. If you already have four then you can handle one more, the family can pull together and help.
What makes you think sending a family member away to live with strangers is ok?
You also idolize the people who want to adopt the baby, that kind of dehumanizes them and puts them on a higher status to you. That's a dangerous path to walk because you are not looking at them with a clear vision.
I have read journals of other "birth" mothers who say they are ok with their adoption plan but then you read on and see they are taking anti depressants and have crying fits all the time.
I don't agree with giving away a child, that child wants to be with his or her mother not strangers. No matter how nice their nursery is or how big their car is. That child deserves to know his or her family as a family member. To be surrounded by people who look and sound and move like him or her.
That child doesn't deserve to grow up knowing that he or she was given away by his mother.
You might want to delve a little deeper with your "research" before it's too late. Thinking you know it all and you are not going to grieve like everyone else is a big mistake. You cannot give your chid away and feel ok about it, trust me I know.
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