Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Should I or should I not?

I feel like I have been running running running the past few weeks. I cant get my mind to settle down. I can hardly sleep and don't seem to be making much time to eat. By the time I feel like eating its to late and I am so hungry I feel sick. I just feel uneasy. Sitting down for any period of time wether to watch a movie or a TV show has always been hard for me anyway, because I always have to be busy but now that I am job hunting its even worse. I feel worn out.

If I had kept count of all the applications and resumes I have been submitting I am sure it would range up there near forty or fifty. Seriously, at what point does a person stop and wait? Should I give it a week? I just cant. I'm surprised my computer hasn't gone up in smoke by now from all the Internet searches and typing I have done. (sigh) I'm worn out.

Yet, I cant and wont stop feels foolish to stop and wait, and it doesn't match who I am. I'm a fighter and by golly I will make someone notice me if it takes marching in to the offices and slapping my resume ON their desks every week.

So, Ive been thinking about tomorrow. There is no significance to tomorrow except that it is Thursday and it again represents more internet searches and typing and calling. So even though I will still do those things, I was thinking of having a "mini me" day and spending five bucks and going to the afternoon movie. Saturday the kids come home and I wont get this chance again for a long should I do it or should I not? The five bucks to get into the movie is what gets it foolish? I mean, after all I don't have a job and going to the movies is a luxury. Still, I feel like I deserve a little bit of me time right?

OK enough of that...I have to mention this sweet peice of kindness that Rebekah and Ben sent to me. They caught me completely by surprise and sent me a HUGE box yesterday full of school supplies. Not only school supplies but also a 50 dollar gift card to Walmart to complete our school supply list. Many things ran through my mind when I opened the box....the first one was that these wonderful people have sacrificed so much financially to get a baby. I know that it was such a burden to come up with all the money required, and even though it all worked out I cant imagine how it has put a hole on them financially, yet they go and spend all this money again on me and my kids. How can I ever thank them for being so supportive. They owe me nothing yet they give me so much. Here is a picture of the inside of the box....everything that was picked out was so colorful and cheerfull looking...

The second thing that went through my head and probably it would seem odd to everyone else...but she sent the stuff in one of Ty's diaper boxes. I just kept thinking "his diapers were in there." LOL Now it makes me laugh but to me it was so sentimental and I am sure Rebekah didn't think that the box itself presented as a gift to me along with the school supplies but it did. Call me weird, but the box was cool.

I cant wait to show the kids the contents of the box....well I cant wait to see the kids. Saturday is coming. Thanks again Rebekah and Ben. (hugs from afar)


cc said...

GO! to the movie!! You deserve it and so much more. Don't even think about feeling guilty for having some "me time".
I only wish I could come go with you.

How sweet of R & B. They are the most thoughtful couple. You (as you already know) are very lucky to have found them.


Two Hands said...

Go to the movie.
Take a break from your battle for work and give yourself a mini-holiday from the stresses of life so you can come back at it wholeheartedly and feeling refreshed.
I wish I could go with you, like cc.

All My Monkeys said...

If you send me your address, the movie can be on me. I most definitely think you deserve it, and as moms we too often rationalize how "that money" could be spent on so many needed things. But our sanity and mental / emotional health is of high importance when dealing with children. I know it makes a difference to my children. Which is why I need to get my butt off the computer and go to bed. And I'm serious about the address thing. You can email me from my blog. (No I'm not crazy. And I live too far away from you for stalking. lol)

Kel said...

Go see the proposal if it is still out there! HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!

Sara said...

I too say go to a movie! I know it is difficult to spend a little on youself but just do it! Like you said once the kids get home there will not be time so JUST DO IT!

So sweet of R and B! They are awesome. My bff (who is also my dd mom) said to me one time .... it is so easy to do things for y ou because you are an extension of my dd. I love you because she is part of you and I bet anything that is also how they feel.

Cant wait to hear all about the movie, I will live vicariously through you! :)

Renia Flaishans said...

It sure sounds like they are wonderful people! They were sure lucky to find you, but it sounds like you were lucky to find them also! :o)

Go to the movies! Everyone needs a break now and then. $5.oo is going to pay one of your bills so go ahead a use it. Go enjoy some "you" time! Let us know how the movie was :o)
Renia (Michigan)

Britney said...

wow... I'm just as sentimental as you ;) I'm tearing up just reading about the school supplies and diaper box! There have been things C's parents do where I wonder if they realize the significance. Either way, I appreciate it :) And I'm glad R&B are so sweet to you!!!

Kellie said...

You definitely should go to the movies, it will do you good.
That is such a sweet thoughtful gift of Ben and Rebekah!
Do you have a P.O. box or anything set up for cards?

Camdon's Momma said...

Go to the movie!

Us mom's (single and not single) deserve time to ourselves and are always hesitant to to do it. You deserve this "mini me day" more than you know. Just make sure you tell us what movie and all about it.

R & B are so amazing. What a nice surprise from them and I am sure it is a little bit of a relief off of your shoulders.

Have fun at the movies!!!

LL said...

GO to the MOVIE! Relax and let yourself escape for a bit.

I am a sentimental type person, I would probably save that box forever!

Anonymous said...

GO GO GO!!!! You deserve it!!! You deserve more than a movie...just start there:) Prayers!! Mollie

M/J Granata said...

You better go to that movie! Your sanity is so precious... and you deserve a break... a little "you-time"...okay, a lot of "you- time"!

I think it is okay to wait... God is in control of what happens after you deliver your resume! You do trust HIM, I know this.

I am sure it is difficult waiting to hear something. I am in a similar, 'waiting boat'... just headed in a different direction. :)

Will you please send me your mailing address??

I hope and pray that you take the day to go see a good movie! Treat yourself to a coke and some popcorn, too! Psst... I always sneak goodies in with me! :)))

Sending hugs your way!
Julie G

M/J Granata said...

Oh yeah... about Rebekah and Ben... They are awesome. Always. Very special people. No doubt. God orchestrated something so special there. No doubt! Love them! :)

Anonymous said...

GO to the movie!!! With your kids coming home and you going back to work, finding me time will be tough. Moms need me time.

Rebekah said...


And um...hello! You don't know how to "thank" us???? YOU GAVE US A BABY!!! :)

You owe no thanks. You are a part of our family...and when someone in the family is struggling or needs help, we do whatever is needed to lend a hand. I just wish we could be there offer hugs along the way...

All My Monkeys said...

Isn't it so nice when ppl take care of you, even if it can be a tad uncomfortable. We get that feeling of not being deserving. None of us, and Jesus loves us anyway, right? :D

To send an email, some ppl have a little envelope icon in the same spot as where you click to leave a comment, at the end of a post. I see you don't have one, or I would have used it to send this. But mine does. So you can check it out there.

So you'll have to tell us about the movie, and I also was wondering what you did about the interview with Farmers.

Have a great day!

Anonymous said...

Get on down to that theatre. You deserve every minute of the movie. You are not just sitting around waiting for a job to drop in your lap. You have spent hours trying to find something. I wish you would set up a PO box so that we all could send you fun things for your kids. You all deserve a special treat. R&B are so sweet to think of your children. Seriously set the PO box up so that people can choose to send the kids some things...please!

Mrs. Almonds Joy said...

You guys have the most amazing family. All of you, full circle. R&B are amazing people as are YOU! Now get your butt out there and enjoy that movie pretty lady. Heck, buy yourself a popcorn and a coke while you are at it.

Patricia said...

Please take the 5 bucks and go see a movie.. sneak in your favorite treat and ENJOY!
You have been through so much the last few months and you YOU... YOU deserve a break for 2 hours!

I hear you with the job hunting... take a small break, create an "about me" website
So that your future employer can see you ... a friend of mine did this and it is awesome... it really does stand out and he said because of it, it has gotten a lot of feedback
I can send you the link if you want

Most of all please take care of you!
Oh and the goodies from Rebekah, Ben and Ty are so wonderful!
What a full heart they have, overpouring with LOVE!

Enjoy the movie!