My older three kids come home in nine days. I have had such an eventful summer (to say the least) and now its time to get back to what I do best....single mommy hood. I am so nervous. I cant even begin to explain to you how scared I get when its time for the kids to come home. I remember when they were this little....
Chelsea with her curly hair and really big smiles....
Victoria with her porcelain doll face and her...ummmm....rare smiles. She didn't smile much at all and it took a lot to make her laugh. She was a very serious baby.
As you can see here...smiles were rare.
They were little. I remember thinking "I cant wait till they can feed and clothe and bathe themselves. Life will be easy when they can do those things by themselves."
They were giddy and happy and cute and cuddly.
And I remember all there first smiles.
But I was wrong. It didn't get easier. Now I find myself thinking "If they could just be little again." I would gladly change diapers and put all three little pumpkins in the bath at the same time, and chase them around the house...TRYING to get them to stay in bed. I would gladly go back to those days...because these days are harder. Now I find myself praying and asking for wisdom for situations that I have NO idea how to handle.
My thirteen year old is boy crazy and wants to french kiss all the boys she "goes out" with despite my warning to her that boyfriends are not allowed.
My eleven year old struggles with depression and I THINK I have got her past the point of cutting herself. The scars on her arms will be there forever, I cant erase them for her.
My nine year old struggles to fit in because of his lack of self control and constant need to move move move.
My three year old clearly has the "baby of the family" syndrome and I am unsure how to break a lot of his bad habits.
ALL the children are in desperate need of a father that actually takes part in their lives. I am not trying to focus on the negative...I could make you a list a mile long of all the wonderful things about them...but the thing is in nine days it all starts over. They will be home and these are things I have to face on a daily basis. Its an hourly struggle to decide what and what not to do for them or how or how not to handle a situation.
So I have nine days. Nine days to prep myself for the battles ahead...hopefully we will come out in the end triumphant and I can look back and say "we did good." But for today, I am brought to tears just thinking about the days ahead.
I have to say this in ending.....I am so richly blessed to have all of my kids. I am brought to my knees with emotion to know that God has entrusted me with these precious little lives, and I take my job as there mother very serious. Maybe I am so nervous about it all because I do take it so seriously. I don't want to screw it up for them. I am leaning on God for it all. He is my rock. I would certainly sink if it were not for HIM.
A quick side note. I have been asked this many times. In my profile it talks about how I have six children. I did miscarry my fifth child at six weeks. Wow! Do I qualify as the lady from that nursery rhyme "There was an old lady who lived in a shoe, she had so many kids she didn't know what to do." LOL
Skyler will officially start day care tomorrow. I am seriously crying my eyes out. My baby is going to be cared for by someone else. Help me Jesus!!