Friday, June 19, 2009

My sweet baby boy!!

I got to spend two and a half hours with R and B and baby boy Ty. It was beyond sweet to hold him in my arms. R and B took Skyler out to the play ground to play and I got to change a diaper and feed him a bottle and just cuddle him. He is so soft and little. His cries are high pitched like a tiny dinosaur. Its adorable.

About two weeks before I had baby boy a good friend of mine sent me the little stuffed animal you see Ty with in the middle picture. The significance of that animal is that it is from a friend who introduced me to Ben and Rebekah. I would have never found these wonderful people had it not been for her. She sent me the cute horse so that I had something to cuddle after baby was gone.....but I know she wouldn't mind that I had another plan for it. I did cuddle it, but now that baby boy is here, I thought it would be fitting for him to have it. It is from the women that connected us all, to my arms, to TY's. What a wonderful triangle don't you think? Thank you Kriss!!!!!

I felt so good after they left. It did my heart good to see them in the outside world with the baby. I have no doubt that they love him and will take care of them but for some reason it was good for me to see it. I loved how protective they were and how much they seemed to know about him and what he needed. I still cant shake the sadness, but I have decided not to. Its going to be there. I am going to keep crying and that's OK. It doesn't help that I just feel lousy. I know its only been about three days but my milk is coming in so its painful and I just feel crummy. Somehow, tomorrow, I need to do laundry so Ill have to pull it together.

I miss my kids. :(


mak'n Changes said...

That little man looks a lot like you bek. He is gorgeous. Its good that you got to spend more time with the little guy and with r n b. Soak up this time with the little guy. Make a million memories. ty is so blessed to have 2 mothers!
I love u

Kathy Lang said...

Your picture with Ty is so beautiful! The idea of giving Ty the stuffed horse is the best! It definitely symbolizes the bond that brought so many special people together to create a wonderful life for Ty.

I'm so sorry to hear how lousy you feel physically. Your right--it's only been 3 days, and more time will make the issues you're dealing with right now go away. I'm a naturally impatient person, so I get that it's hard to wait for something we don't like to go away or change. :-( On a positive note, it sounds like you're doing much better emotionally--embracing the tears and sounding stronger.

I will always admire your strength and the love you have demonstrated for your baby boy, by choosing to place him in a home with two loving parents ( R & B).

Tracy said...

What a wonderful day you had! I'm so happy that you were able to spend some alone time with Ty. Plus, it was probably nice for Skylar to be able to get out and run around for a few minutes!
You are's okay to be sad. It's expected and completely normal. Thank God that there's also the joy you have of knowing that you did such an amazing thing for your boy and a couple of wonderful people. You're doing great. :)

Midwest Mom said...

((((HUGE ENORMOUS HUGS TO YOU)))) I am glad your visit went well. I hope your body heals quickly so that your heart might start to mend a bit, too. I cannot imagine what you are going through right now. I have given birth a few times and those crazy hormones afterwards are awful no matter. I will continue to hold your story and YOU close to my heart. I think you are just amazing. Hang in there. My thoughts and loads of prayers are with you.
Midwest Mom, TLOL journals

cc said...

What wonderful pics. You look beautiful. Baby Boy Ty is adorable.

I'm so proud of you for learning to embrace the tears, the pain and yet still able to see the happiness and the good in this situation.

Of course some days will be worse than others...even some moments will be worse than the next moment. Embrace these moments and look forward to the good times that are yet to come. You've proven what a strong woman you are.

You're going to make it, Friend.


Michelle said...

i'm so glad you got to see him today! i'm sure it must've been good for your heart to see him, know he truly is okay, and see what you were so excited to see - rebekah & ben as parents!

still praying for you...

- michelle

Two Hands said...

So glad you had a nice visit.
I feel badly for you about the milk coming in though. I remember how painful that could be, I even remember saying I'd prefer labour to that! I hope it passes quickly.
He's beautiful and this whole situation is truly a miracle, but I still feel that the true heart of this story is you.
Love and hugs.

Britney said...

Rebekah, I'm a new birthmom, too (just over 2 months, now)... I have been following R&B's blog for awhile, but just found yours last week. I just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you... and Ty is gorgeous! If you ever need someone to talk to or cry with, let me know!

Arcadia said...

Those are wonderful pics. My worst times were when I was leaking milk. I pumped for my daughter and shipped it to her parents so I had random leaks for months. Pumping was annoying but it felt like I was doing something productive.

I won't say that I hope the sadness fades because I don't know if it ever will. I will say that I know over time, you'll learn to manage it.

I saw that your earlier post mentioned a counselor and I can't recommend one enough. I hope you can find one who is experienced with first parents.

Michelle said...

I feel like a stalker, I read Heart Cries and even did an interview with Rebekah on my blog because she just blesses my heart, but I have been praying for you and wondering how you are doing, I googled today until I found you...ha! There was a comment on Rebekah's blog that someone reads your blog so I knew you were out there somewhere. I have to tell you that you are my hero! What a loving mother you are, what a selfless act, and of course you are sad. I hope you get a blessing knowing how many people are praying for you and admiring what you did for this little guy. I think you have lifelong friends and that has to give you some peace. Hang in there!!!

Anonymous said...

You are an amazing human being. You will be blessed immensely for what you have done for another woman/man. You must have shared very well as a young child to be so selfless now. I am in awe of you. I am praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Such sweet loving pictures. My heart hurts for you. I really hope you continue you to write.