I woke up this morning and the tears continue to flow, in fact I am always choking them back. I thought "does this ever end? What is wrong with me?" I decided to try to focus on other things. Its weird, when I was pregnant I ate and drank and did EVERYTHING for the baby. TAKE CARE OF BABY BOY...was my motto. I didn't give it a second thought to eat and drink. Today, I realized that I have to FORCE myself to eat. I found myself with no motivation to do anything I did before. I do see a light at the end of this dark dark tunnel. Life does go on...it has to. I have to eat, I have to drink, I have to start laughing again, and it wont last long. This will pass but it seems so dark. I just got off the phone with a dear friend from Michigan. It was so nice to talk to her and I found myself feeling "normal" as we discussed how amazing my birth was and how God has made such good out of this situation.....and it made me see that life does go on....and I think I can get up and make breakfast and do normal things. I am enjoying little Skyler. It does my heart good to plant kisses on his still baby soft skin. His eyes look at me with such love. He still melts my heart. Here is a video of me in the hospital. It was one of the first times I was left alone with baby boy and I captured a bit of me "checking him out." His skin was so new and perfect. He hardly made any noises. Sorry for the breathing in the background. I obviously should have held the camera away from my face.