Wednesday, June 17, 2009

He is here!!! And Im finally home!!






Well, there is my sweet baby boy, and up top is him with me and below is him with his beautiful wonderful parents. He is the sweetest thing I have seen in a long time.

I am home. I am home alone. Im waiting to get my three year old back so I am not alone.

I really dont have words for how I feel right now. Im happy, overwelmed and sad.....Is that even possible to feel so much in one moment?

Ill post more, later if I think I can handle more. Right now....My heart is broken.

32 comments:

Two Hands said...

Dear, sweet, kind, amazing woman.
I hope the sadness leaves soon and all that remains is great and abiding joy and love. You have done something wonderful. I only wish I lived closer so I could come and make you tea and hug you when you need it.
I hope your 3 year-old is home soon.

Becky said...

He is beautiful. And you are amazing.

My prayers are with you!

PunkRockChic said...

I don't remember how I came across your blog, but I've been following you for a few weeks. I think that you are incredibly selfless to bless another family with such an amazing gift. I will pray for God to heal your broken heart.

Jessica said...

Rebekah - Just wanted to let you know I have been praying for you the last couple of days. I won't even pretend to understand what you are feeling right now, however, I hope you allow yourself to feel everything and lean on our heavenly Father during this time. He so wants to be there for you.

Anonymous said...

I think I would feel the same way you do- so many conflicting emotions all at once. I know this is the most difficult and generous thing a person could do and I, a stranger, are proud of you. I work with very stressed people and my only advice is to break it down into tiny parts, like 1 hour at a time, rather than the whole day, or god forbid, your whole life. You know he is safe. Now you can concentrate of yourself. You have my utmost respect for what you have chosen for your son. Good job!
cathy

mak'n Changes said...

Oh becky! I'm crying! You have done SUCH an amazing thing! My beautiful cousin, my heart is sad for such a loss but ecstatic for the gift of life and love U have given. I am SO, SO proud of u! If u need anything, u know how to reach me. I am forever in love with you!
Cindie

Anonymous said...

Are you ok to be home alone already? In my state they keep you 48 hours after birth? I just hope you are doing ok, I know this is emotionally heartbreaking but you need to physically be taken care of too.

Michelle said...

congratulations on your beautiful baby boy.

as happy as i am for your baby boy's parents, i'm heartbroken for you. for them to have a whole heart, yours had to be broken, and i hate that.

i will be praying for you, dear sister in Christ... every day & night... i promise you that. i trust that the Lord will give you comfort, peace, and strength as well as healing - physical AND emotional.

i'm sorry you have to feel this pain. please know that you're not forgotten - the attention of some may be focused on the other rebekah & ben, but you are still the focus in my mind (well, you and the baby) because you need my (and everyone else's) prayers more than anyone & now more than ever.

please do keep us updated... if your heart can't handle sharing details, that's fine, but please just let us know how you're doing whenever you can. i still care. very much.

asking the Lord to hold you close tonight...

- michelle

cc said...

You did good, sweet friend...he is adorable.

Yes, you can feel all those emotions at once. Like I've already told you, you have the right to feel it all.
No one even expects you to feel any different than you do right now.

You need this time alone to go thru each emotion you are feeling. It will help when you get Skyler home. I wish I could be there for you.

I know you are heart broken as anyone in your shoes would be. Remember that you have been part of a miracle by giving a lovely couple such a beautiful gift.

Cry, Rest, Cry some more. I'm here if you need me.

HUGS...
CeCe

LL said...

Hugs and prayers my friend.

samanthalee1982 said...

I just want you to know that I am praying for you and this remarkable journey you are on! Your baby boy is precious, the parents you have chosen for him are going to be great and you my dear are an amazing person! Best wishes to you and your beautiful children!
Hugs from Georgia,
Samantha

P.S. I LOVE your hair!

Rikki said...

Many many prayers for you. You did an amazing thing and gave an amazing gift. It's normal to be sad I imagine, but I hope it doesn't last long.

Michelle said...

oh, sorry, i forgot to say this in my comment:

he truly is GORGEOUS.

i'm not just saying that... most of the time when people say a newborn is beautiful during their first couple of days after birth, it's a lie, many newborns are quite ugly... but he truly is beautiful. honestly.

good job. :-)

- michelle

Anonymous said...

I have followed your story from TLOL my user name is Quamie. I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and praying for you. I understand our joy and sadness. I wish you only peace.
Regards
J

God's girl said...

I am in tears. I can't imagine the tears that have fallen from your eyes. You're simply amazing and you are in my prayers...

Laurie said...

Oh! I am sure it is especially hard to go from the hospital where there are people with you all the time to home where there is noone. Plus, Ty was with you for 9 months too so you were really never alone.

What a sweet story unfolding of pain, loss, and sacrifice. For you to know in your head you cannot parent another child right now but to feel in your heart a connection to him must be so tough. Plus they are so cute when they are tiny...but SO much work that first year too!! I hope you will have some company soon. :)

Darcy said...

All I can say is that you are a hero. You have done something so selfless and beautiful and hard and painful and you should be proud. Don't push yourself too hard too soon. Take care. And mourn the loss and bask in the new dreams. God is in the quiet. I am praying for your broken heart to be filled with His love.

All My Monkeys said...

Amazing. Beautiful.

But mostly I'm in awe of what you have chosen. Not the easy road for sure. Have been thinking about you the last two days (but didn't check my blogroll). Glad to see "all" is well. Hope you can find sweet solace for you broken heart.

Prayers coming your way.

Tracy said...

He's absolutely beautiful! You did such a wonderful thing, Rebekah. I can't imagine the emotions you're going through right now. It's okay to feel all of the things you are feeling. I pray that God gives you peace in your heart. You're an amazing woman.

Anonymous said...

Im so sorry for your pain. I will be praying for you =(

DE said...

What a beautiful boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I agree with the above comment, your hair is really cute too- u should post pictures of yourself more often.

I am really sad for your broken heart. I've said many prayers for you over the past couple of weeks. I do worry for you. Please continue to update when you can with specific prayer requests...I've checked back like 10 times today!

Your blogger friends are proud of you & praying 4 you tonight!

Debbie

DebbiedoO said...

What a beautiful boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I agree with the above comment, your hair is really cute too- u should post pictures of yourself more often.

I am really sad for your broken heart. I've said many prayers for you over the past couple of weeks. I do worry for you. Please continue to update when you can with specific prayer requests...I've checked back like 10 times today!

Your blogger friends are proud of you tonight!

jess said...

Prayers to you. You are amazing. After I read he was born yesterday, tears streamed down my face for you. You are what a real mother is, selfless, giving, kind. What you did was nothing short of a miracle. The LOVE you have brought to this earth is so wonderful.

Please take one moment at a time. Prayers that your broken heart begins to mend.

FutureMrsZ said...

Rebekah, you are such a strong and amazing woman! Keep your head up, and I'll be praying for you.

Glynda said...

Your an amazing mom. I am the product of the other end of adoption. I was give to my adoptive family when I was 3 days old. I don't know my birth parents even though I have wondered many times what their entire story is. I do know that my birth mother did not feel she could support me and gave me up at birth as you have done. For me it turned out amazing. Following you I feel like I have followed my own mother in a lot of ways as I'm sure she was also heartbroken. My adoptive parents were wonderful parents and I had a wonderful childhood. Thank you for being a wonderful mom and knowing your limits.

Anonymous said...

God Bless you for the ultimate gift you have given. I hope God holds you close during this time and provides peace to your broken heart.

Anonymous said...

Hi.... I know you're spinning right now. Just breathe. The Lord will guide you and satisfy your needs...He'll stengthen your frame. If you are out today or tomorrow, or whenever; and you see some flowers for sale -- take the time and stop to deeply smell them. You've brought so much joy into the world with what you've done. I'd compare it to the same kind of indescrible feeling you get when you smell a good rose. There's nothing like it. :) You've brought that into the world with the birth of Ty. From here until Eternity - enjoy the flowers because you are brighter and more beautiful than they could ever be. Just a Word for you today....

Mike and Alicia said...

In your darkest moments I KNOW God will hold your tender, giving, broken heart in his hands. I to have a broken heart, and it seems each day gets a little easier. Joy returns I promise! Each day the sunshine gets brighter! You are in my prayers.
(((Hugs))) Alicia

Lerin said...

I'm crying too!!!

Becky said...

Dear R!
I am so sorry for your heartbreak! I can't imagine!
As an adoptive mother, my heart goes out to you....I've seen and known that pain from my two children's bmoms!!
Praying for your peace and comfort! It will take time but, if this is the plan that you want for your child, the open relationship you will have with R and B will help ease your pain and sustain you!
Blessings and hugs to you!!

kristy bolte said...

I am just speechless and moved to tears by your selflessness and courage. May God bless your family! Please let me know if there is ever any way I can specifically pray for you! :)

jbuttars said...

I just stumbled onto your blog and realize that I'm late to the party. But I did want to let you know, as an adopted child now all grown up, that I appreciate the sacrifice you made for your baby. :)